On finding the courage to look beyond mainstream narratives;

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."

"I must before I die find some way to say the essential thing that is in me, that I have never said yet..."

I Am

John Clare
1793 –1864

I am! yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death’s oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;
And e’en the dearest—that I loved the best—
Are strange—nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil’d or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.

Counting The Beats

Roberrt Graves
1895-1985

Counting The Beats
You, love, and I,
(He whispers) you and I,
And if no more than only you and I
What care you or I ?

Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Cloudless day,
Night, and a cloudless day,
Yet the huge storm will burst upon their heads one day
From a bitter sky.

Where shall we be,
(She whispers) where shall we be,
When death strikes home, O where then shall we be
Who were you and I ?

Not there but here,
(He whispers) only here,
As we are, here, together, now and here,
Always you and I.

Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Quoted from: The Tempest

William Shakespere
1564-1616

"There’s nothing ill can dwell in such a temple:
If the ill spirit have so fair a house,
Good things will strive to dwell with it.

The 12th Camel

* Creatively reconstructed here from the essence of my distant memory of first stumbling upon the tale :)

Wise old Goha and his trusty old camel Spit were heading across the hot windswept sands, heading for the main market town some way off, when they both heard several voices raised in dispute coming from a small oasis nearby. As old Goha and Spit drew closer Goha recognised the voices as coming from the sons of an old friend who had only recently passed away.

Dismounting his trusty old camel under the shade of some palm trees that grew right by the waters edge Goha walked slowly over to the 3 angry voices, but even before he reached them he was instantly recognised and the eldest of the 3 sons called out to him with affection: "Ah Goha my wise old friend. So good to see you again. Please, can you come help us settle a very vexing dispute we are having over how best to honour our late fathers dying wishes?" All 3 sons then fell hopefully silent as old Goha came over to join them. "So, my angry young friends...", Goha said, "What exactly is this vexing problem for which you seek my help?"

The eldest of the 3 brothers spoke up: "Just before your old friend and our beloved father died he gave us precise instructions on how we should divide up his small herd of camels between his 3 beloved sons. To me, the eldest of his sons, he said I was to inherit half of his camels. My younger brother, fathers said, was to inherit one quarter of his camels. And my youngest brother was, on my fathers deathbed wishes, to inherit one sixth of his camels. With these instructions clearly given father sadly breathed his last breath...and journey'd on to the great desert in sky. And that, my wise old friend, is exactly where our present problem started. For our fathers herd only had recently suffered some losses to thieving bandits and now the herd only totals 11 camels."

He continued to explain: "As the eldest son my half of fathers 11 camels comes to exactly 5 and a half camels. My younger brothers share of one quarter of the herd comes to 2 whole camels and 3 quarters of another camel. And my youngest brothers share of one sixth of our beloved fathers camels comes to 1 whole camel and some infernal fraction of another camel. We have absolutely no wish to dishonour of late fathers deathbed wishes in any way but we simply cannot agree how best to meet our fathers instructions and share out his camels exactly in accordance with the division of the camel herd that he felt fair and just. Please, please, can you help us with this most vexing dilemma?" he pleaded.

Wise old Goha thought quietly on the problem for a few moments then walked silently over to where his trusty old camel Spit had just finished his fill of fine oasis water, and guided him over to the small herd of problematic 11 camels. "There!" he said loudly, adding Spit to the herd, "You now have 12 camels instead of the problematic 11.

Old Goha continued: "Eldest son, come and take half of the camels in according with your fathers instructions. You now have 6 whole camels from 12 instead of the 5 and half camels you had before. Are you satisfied with this?" The eldest son was bemused by Goha's generous action but nodded thankfully and enthusiastically at Goha... then led the 6 camels Goha gave him gratefully away from the others camels in the herd and over to his nearby tent.

Then Goha said: To you younger brother, come and get your quarter of the heard of 12, which is now 3 whole camels instead of the 2 and 3 quarters of a camel you had before. Are you satisfied with this?" The younger brother, also very bemused, nodded gratefully and led the 3 camels Goha gave him away from the remaining camels in the herd and over to his nearby tent.

"Finally, to you the youngest brother...", Goha said, "...come and get your sixth of the 12 camels.. which is now 2 whole camels instead of the 1 and some infernal fraction of a camel you were due before. Are you satisfied with this?" The youngest brother smiled broadly and, nodding enthusiastically, led the 2 whole camels Goha gave him over to his nearby tent.

Suddenly the eldest brother called out. "But wait...", he said, "I have my six whole camels, and my younger brother has his 3 whole camels, which is 9 camels in total. Plus my youngest brother is now also very happy with his 2 whole camels. But all this only makes for 11 camels. There is STILL... one camel left.

"Yes..." said the wise old Goha as he walked over to the one remaining camel and climbed up onto its back. "And this one is mine: my trusty old camel Spit." Then, in the stunned silence from all 3 sons, the wise old Goha and his trusty old camel Spit trotted slowly off in the direction of the main market town, leaving the 3 bemused brothers scratching their heads as they looked from each other, to their camels, and back again to old Goha and Spit as they slowly receded further and further into the shimmering desert haze.

More 'Moments' pending...