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报告翻译问题
Cincinnati, Ohio, United States 
ゝ、 ＼ ／⌒ヽ,ノ /´
ゝ、 （ ( ͡◉ ͜> ͡◉) ／
> ,ノ
∠_,,,/´
I loved CS:GO so much.
I had all the rare skins.
I pray to Gaben every night, hoping I would unbox a knife some day.
"Gaben is love," I said. "Gaben is life."
My dad overhears me and calls me a hacker.
I know he's just jealous that I got recruited into FaZe clan.
I call him a hardscoper.
My dad no scopes me and sends me to my room.
As I feel my numb face, I turn on my PC and log into Steam.
My hands are shivering as I click on the "PLAY" button to open up CS:GO
"I'll show that hardscoper," I said.
I open up the Steam Market Place, and purchase 20 Half Life 3 Cases and Keys.
10 minutes have passed by, and I've unboxed 19 Battle-Scarred Negev l Desert Strikes.
As I move my cursor over to the final case, I click and select "OPEN".
My cursor moves even slower as I move it towards the giant, green "USE KEY" button.
I click the button.
As I see all of these weapons fly by, the scroll finally starts slowing down.
I close my eyes and listen as I hear Gaben laughing over me, as if I am almost certain that I did not get a knife.
I open my eyes.
A large clump of feces leaves my ♥♥♥♥ very quick, as my eyes look at the item I have just been given by the Holy Gaben himself.
Another clump starts sliding out as I stand up to run to my dad to tell him that I've just unboxed a StatTrak Factory New Karambit Fade.
My dad cries as he suddenly gets his Steam account hacked by OpTic.
I pull out my new knife and quickscope his face.
I then walk into my room, take my pants off, and thrust my pelvic region into the air, imagining Gaben with me.
"Gaben is love, Gaben is life."
…………………….…………...„--~*'¯…….'\
………….…………………… („-~~--„¸_….,/ì'Ì
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……………………¸„„-^"¯ : : : : : : : '\¸„„,-"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„---~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :„-"
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ¸„„-^¯
:.' : : '\ : : : : : : : ;¸„„-~"
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.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : \,
:.: : : : : : : : : : : : 'Ì
: : : : : : :, : : : : : :/
"-„_::::_„-*__„„~"
♥♥♥♥ HER RIGHT IN THE ♥♥♥♥♥