I almost lost an arena match today.

A horrifying thing happened to me today. I was playing some elden ring colosseum in my parent's basement as usual, when all of a sudden I was matched against a claymore user who started kicking my ass, despite the fact I got the first hit in while they was bowing (wasting my time). I nearly knocked over the piss bottles on my desk in panic as they got me down to twenty hp with their dishonest rollcatch techniques.

Thankfully, through sheer muscle memory I was able to button mash at mach 10 to instantly hardswap to royal remain's set, red and blue feathered talisman, blessed dew talisman, twinbird kite shield, and cleanrot sword with drawstring rot grease and bloodhound step. I ran to the edge of the arena (this is called "spacing" in the pro scene) and was able to force a stalemate in the end by swapping to lightroll armor after regen healed me back to 18% hp.

Another noob brought to their knees by my fighting prowess. I can't wait to tell my wife (you may have heard of her, her name is Rei Ayanami) all about my daring adventures while we make love tonight. Honestly, I would have easily won the match if I had my rune arc equpped like normal, just another reason why colosseum sucks.