We'll rip that band-aid off first. I'm not a sociopath, never have been. My exact wording was that I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, which turned into "Memenicer's a diagnosed sociopath". There was no diagnosis and there was no therapist or doctor. As admitted, I was lying for months, saying anything I thought would make things better. That switched, and I told a lie to make things much worse, which worked very well. I never provided proof of this diagnosis or the name of the doctor that "diagnosed" me, for full clarity. But it was a lie I was sticking by tooth and nail, even trying to change my personality to pretend I wasn't feeling things that I was. I feel guilt and I feel empathy, and I was pretending not to to suit a narrative I made up.

I have actually been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as an additional possible problem, but for clarity I am NOT diagnosed with PTSD. I only show some traits of it, so it's something we're keeping an eye on. I was unintentionally hurting people the same way I've been hurting for a very long time, so I took advantage of several people romantically. I didn't meet the large majority of these people, and those I did meet were over 18, but that doesn't excuse the behaviour. I misled them, manipulated them, and hurt them. This wasn't a conscious effort at all, I wasn't talking to and wooing people with the sole intent to hurt them later, but it was something I was definitely doing. Some of these girls were younger than me and fans of my content, and I inadvertently took advantage of that power dynamic. It was incredibly wrong of me, and I'm sorry. My perception of what a romantic relationship should be has been incredibly warped by my previous experiences with them, and I hurt several people who didn't deserve it as a result. Not making any excuses for that either.
I know these last few weeks have been incredibly hurtful to a lot of people I care about, and even to a lot of you that don't know me personally. I'm sorry to all of those people, and (unless you've blocked me) you'll be getting personal apologies as I manage to write them, probably over the next few days. There's a lot of people I owe apologies to, I know.

As for where I've been, I had already committed social suicide, so I moved on to the natural next step. I've been hospitalized since last Monday (no electronics, hence no word from me), receiving constant group and individual therapy for various issues I've left buried for years. Those issues will not be dug up publicly. I was discharged from the hospital earlier today, and will be continuing therapy for a few weeks starting tomorrow, before beginning sessions with a psychologist every week until lord knows when.

My actions aren't excusable, and the pain I caused is going to be difficult to undo. The one thing I really hope people can take from this beyond me is that not everyone's cry for help looks exactly the same. I've evidently been trying it for several months to no avail, and it finally came to a head with that massive lie. I guess I thought all the hurt I was causing would blow up in my face much earlier, and the fact that it didn't made the hit that much bigger. In a weird way, it was good, because it really forced me into a place where it was either take my own life or get help, and I chose the latter.

I don't blame anyone for not seeing that cry for help as it's really hard to read (not to mention, looking at plenty of YouTubers with the mindset that they're sociopaths will have you finding plenty of things that line up), but that's exactly what all of this harmful behaviour has been. It wasn't only destructive, it was self-destructive, and I didn't even realize I was doing it.
The cry was finally heard and I got help, and will continue receiving it for a very long time. But I'm going to try my best to repair the damage I caused as well as I can. I'll mostly just be focused on making videos when I have the spare time and obviously continuing to go to therapy. There's a lot of friendships I destroyed through this, and I don't expect to get them back any time soon, but hopefully I can at least apologize and try to set things somewhat straight.

There's gonna be people who still think I'm lying, and I get that. But I hope you can keep an open mind. I understand if you lost respect for me, I'm sorry, and I will do better.