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Lemme start this one with a quote by SsethTzeentach

Do You enjoy Violence?
Of course You do.
It's a part of You.
And who are You to deny Your own nature?

Now, if that caught your curiosity and you also
💠 do not dislike boomer shooters
💠 have a hankering for mid-90's gaming nostalgia
💠 also think that Die Hard is a Christmas movie

...then welcome to my After 100% Entirely Subjective Recommendation of Wolfenstein 3D Warhammer 40,000: Boltgun!

I finally got around to booting up Boltgun on Xmas morning and it was #HomelanderPerfect. Playing Boltgun on Xmas'23 gave me the same joy and delight that I got by playing Quake on Xmas'96. The nostalgia bug bites harder around the holidays, that's for sure. Also, I don't consider myself to have boomer shooter bias in the first place.
https://steamproxy.net/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3133099031
Boltgun was the right game at the right time and it felt like the 'remaster' of the Game That Never Was. The cinematics are peak Saturday Morning Toonami flavored. Textures and lighting are retro-gorgeous. The movement and gunplay each deserve their own chef's kiss. The level design is out of this world (pun intended). The audio processing on the effects is vintage-crisp. Finally, the music is just flawless CatJam. For all of my playtime, I felt that Boltgun was made for me. Kudos and thank you to Auroch Games 💖 You've made something truly outstanding here.

⠀an excerpt from the Lexicanum

Also referred to as the Bolter, it is the standard weapon of the Adeptus Astartes, commonly known as Space Marines. The Boltgun is a holy symbol of the Emperor's wrath.
A .75 caliber weapon, the Bolter works similarly to a grenade launcher, firing a relatively small explosive; an initial ballistic charge launches the then self-propelled explosive, commonly called a 'bolt'. Once the bolt penetrates its target, it explodes.

This is the starter weapon and the power fantasy goes only up from here.

But no game is (objectively) perfect so here's the Good🔷, the Bad🔶, and there is no Ugly. Be warned, the following may spoil your own joy of discovery.
🔷 no crashes, no bugs; no Early Access Hell; no Season Pass or DLCs (yet).
🔶 Dear @FocusEntertainment, gimme Boltgun Trailer Floppy Disk as merch pls, kthxbai~
🔷 no cash shop, no cover system, no aiming down sights, no vehicles, no regenerating health, no stealth, no skill trees; just you, the music, a horde of heretics, guns, 'nades, ammo, health packs, and your Contempt for the enemy (AKA the armor); also, in-game idle animation, saving indicator is a floppy disk, and the cursor is an armored gauntlet (if you know, you know).
🔶 no weapon modding for custom builds; no character customization, no skins, no portrait in the HUD, no reflective surfaces, no boots when aiming down (gauntlets do look righteous af tho).
🔷 you are John McBoltGun Blaskowicz Malum Caedo, Ultramarine, and part-time silent protagonist (there's a taunt button, Rahul Kohli voices over a hundred lines, they're all amazing!); on the planet Graia, attempting to secure a MacGuffin powerful enough that it also carried the plot of Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine; yes, Boltgun is the canon spin-off sequel to Space Marine and if you have't played the latter you can still enjoy the former.
🔶 the Full Detailed Plot:Purge all Heretics, get MacGuffin!
🔷 Along for the ride is Incomodus, a Servo-skull who uses Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus-style speech (Praise the Omnissiah!); He's a well-designed AI companion, delivering minor mission exposition, staying out of fire, making remarks on nearby pick-ups, paths, and doors, and he's got a bit of a funny bone too.
🔶 no local or online co-op; all of your squad-mates are dead on arrival.
🔷 retro-levels in graphics can be tweaked; give each chapter their own visual identity and it can feel like they released in different years.
🔶 your weapons and ammo do not carry over from one chapter to the next so don't stockpile.
🔷 Malum's Chainsword can be bullet-time aimed at moderately-far enemies in order to dash-leap on them for rip+tear purposes; this makes some of the platforming really fun; there's the Chainsword, the Bolter, and seven other weapons and they're all neat...
🔶 ...except the Shotgun; leave it to Boltgun to have the best weapon in any boomer shooter be its worst; also, half of the fun arsenal is not available in the the first dozen levels; no melee kicking available.
🔷 the walking sounds and head-bobbing are amazing! Walking, jumping, dashing, and Goomba-stomping enemies feels good, fast, and powerful; Malum is a wrecking ball with a toggleable auto-run option...
🔶 ...which I advise to use on a per-level basis, in some areas caution and finesse win over speed; oh, and sadly instead of actual jetpacks, we get jetpack-skinned launch-pads;
🔷 a lot of love and care was put into the the level design, architecture, and scale, as most of the areas in each level have their own distinct theme, look, and feel and oh boy is it grimdark and awesome! The levels also have Secrets, some well hidden, most out in the open; these 'Secrets' are all OP power-ups worth looking for;
🔶 there's NO MINIMAP in this game and the levels are not small; time will be spent being lost, as well as falling while exploring, running, secret-hunting, or just being pushed in combat; navigation is a big part of Boltgun's challenge.
🔷 the max difficulty, Exterminatus, is intense but manageable; if not considering the repeated falling off of ledges (which by the way can sometimes be avoided due to an awesome ledge grab animation) as dying, I technically had a no-death run; regarding enemies, there's a Name and Health Bar UI displayed for whatever the weapon's pointing at; thus, I got to set my crosshair opacity to zero and enjoyed the extra challenge and cleaner UI; quick sidenote, weapons have power levels, enemies have toughness levels, and the UI has colored chevrons for quick reference; other than that, some weapons work better on some enemies (shoutout to the Volkite Caliver hilariously making Plague Toads pop like pimples).
🔶 Aspiring Champions exist and knowing them is knowing true fear; I recommend the Heavy Bolter early on and ultimately switching to the Emperor's Delete Button AKA the Melta Gun.
🔷 'Darktide-lite mode' AKA Purge Mode will have some areas lock down while Malum sees red, and you must thoroughly de-heretize the area before being able to progress; while in Purge Mode, take note to look for one or two 'Secrets' as these proportionally generate dopamine and carnage.
🔶 there's a large number of different enemies but due to density it won't feel like that; you'll never meet an enemy only once.
🔷 The Steam Badges are some of the most beautiful I've seen to date; the Achievements are simple no nonsense, no grind, no time wasted; with a strong internal compass and a knack for finding secrets, the average completion time is around 10 hours...
🔶 ...but I have neither, so to 100% enemies, secrets, and Achievements I needed twice the time #worth

Ultimately, Boltgun is the result of all its Goods and Bads together, an exceptional and charming cohesive whole, one that was crafted with a strong sense of passion as well as respect for all the original sources of inspiration, leading to a clear, gorgeous, and individual game identity.

💀 💀 💀 💀 💀

Well, friend, you've made it to words' end and for that you have my sincere gratitude. Until next time,

𝓢𝓮𝓮 𝓨𝓸𝓾, 𝓢𝓹𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓒𝓸𝔀𝓫𝓸𝔂...