Recent reviews by High Marshall Ciphrion

A Detective's Tale in the Yakuza World with a Side of Hot Sauce

Alright, folks, grab your magnifying glass and your sense of humor, because I'm about to take you on a whirlwind tour of "Judgment," the game where you play a detective that's part Sherlock Holmes, part Jackie Chan, and all Yakuza.

First up, let's talk gameplay. You've got your standard Yakuza brawling, now with a side dish of detective work that's as challenging as choosing what to order at a fast-food joint. Lockpicking? More like a tutorial that never ends. Crime scene investigations? More like a game of 'find the object' with training wheels. And tailing suspects? Well, let’s just say it's a good time to catch up on your podcasts.

But wait, there's more! You're also playing a bit of Phoenix Wright here, minus the thrill of courtroom drama. Your dialogue choices during investigations? They matter as much as asking for no ice in your drink at a self-serve soda fountain. No real consequences, just the illusion of choice.

Now, let’s talk about the heart and soul of the game – the combat. Think of it as a dance, but you're dancing with street thugs and the occasional ninja. Yes, a ninja! You’ve got two fighting styles – one for the crowds, and one for those intimate one-on-one encounters. And let’s not forget the delightful absurdity of using hot sauce as a weapon. That’s right, hot sauce in the eyes, because why not?

But what really shines in "Judgment" is its story. It's a twisting, turning narrative that’ll keep you guessing more than a game of Clue in the dark. It’s the kind of story that makes the less exciting gameplay worth it, just to see what happens next.

The game's not without its quirks. Like, why do side characters in cutscenes move like they're in a school play? And speaking of side missions, they intertwine with the main story, but suddenly the characters forget how to talk. It's like going from a Broadway show to a silent film in seconds.

So, is "Judgment" a Yakuza game in disguise? Absolutely. But it's like wearing a vampire costume to go undercover – obvious, but somehow it works. It's a game that's not afraid to be a bit silly, a bit serious, and a lot of fun.

In conclusion, "Judgment" is for those who enjoy their detective stories with a side of street fighting, a dash of comedy, and a sprinkle of Yakuza magic. It might not be the perfect game, but it's a perfect way to spend a weekend solving crimes and doling out street justice, Yakuza-style.

Orcs Must Die! 3: An Epic Saga of Orc Slaying, Trap Laying, and Co-op Mayhem!

Welcome to my totally original and hilarious review of "Orcs Must Die! 3," where orcs aren't just a problem, they're an infestation - and it's up to you to exterminate them with style!

Imagine this: You're one of the last battle mages, standing between a horde of dim-witted but deadly orcs and the peaceful townsfolk who are blissfully unaware of the rusty axe-end they could meet. Your tools? An arsenal of traps that would make MacGyver jealous, and a trusty crossbow that turns orcish heads into pincushions.

But wait, there's more! The game throws a curveball with ogres and kobolds that laugh in the face of your simple spike traps. You’ve got to strategize and choose your tools wisely because, let's face it, not all traps are created equal. And when your carefully laid plans crumble? It's time to don your battle mage pants and jump into the fray, swinging swords and slinging spells like a medieval superhero.

Let’s talk upgrades: You're showered with funds to pimp out your character and traps. It's like a home renovation show but with more orcs and less shiplap. Choose wisely, though, because you can only upgrade from one skill set per stage. It’s like picking your favorite child, but every stage you get to pick again.

Now, the pièce de résistance: War Scenarios. Picture this - giant maps, hordes of orcs, and traps so big they make your head spin. These levels are a spectacle, but they scream "Bring a friend!" because tackling them solo is like trying to juggle flaming swords... blindfolded.

Graphically, the game is like a Saturday morning cartoon, if that cartoon featured orc dismemberment. The ragdoll physics? Chef's kiss. Orcs tumble and slide across the floor like they're in a slapstick comedy. And at the end of each level, there's a dance loop that's... well, it's something.

But what's the catch? The game, while a blast in co-op, feels a tad short and is a bit light on post-campaign content, unless high scores are your jam. It doesn’t reinvent the wheel; instead, it takes the old wheel and adds some shiny orc-slaying spikes.

In summary, "Orcs Must Die! 3" is a joyous romp through orc-slaying mayhem, especially with a friend. It's like hosting a party where the guests are orcs, and the party favors are traps and arrows. So gather your traps, call your friends, and let the orc-slaying party begin!

Monster Hunter Rise: A High-Flying, Monster-Slaying, Wirebug-Riding Extravaganza!

Ladies and gentlemen, hunters of all ages, welcome to "Monster Hunter Rise," the game where you'll spend half your time soaring through the air like a ninja and the other half wondering why your cat is better at fighting dragons than you are.

First things first, let's talk about the Wirebug - the real MVP of this game. Imagine Spider-Man joined a yoga class, and you've got the gist of this nifty gadget. It lets you zip through the air with the grace of a caffeinated squirrel, turning battles into an aerial ballet of swords, claws, and "oh no, I didn’t mean to jump there!" moments.

Combat is like a dance - if your dance partner was a ten-ton dragon with anger issues. Each of the 14 weapons comes with its own special "Silkbind" moves, which I assure you are as cool as they sound. You’ll be swinging, slamming, and occasionally missing, but always looking fabulous while doing it.

But it's not just about the flashy moves. No, this game teaches you the valuable life lesson that sometimes you just need to ride a dog into battle. Enter the Palamutes, your faithful doggo companions who are not only adorable but also practical. Need to sharpen your weapon while on the move? Just hop on your canine buddy, and away you go!

Now, let's address the elephant in the room - or should I say, the dragon. The monsters. Oh boy, the monsters. They're big, they're bad, and they have more teeth than the entire Osmond family. But the thrill of taking down these behemoths? Chef’s kiss!

"But what about the story?" I hear you ask. Well, it’s there. Somewhere. Between all the dragon slaying and cat commanding. But who needs a story when you've got monsters to hunt, am I right?

In summary, Monster Hunter Rise is the perfect game for anyone who's ever wanted to fly through the air on a bug, fight a dragon with a giant sword, and then take a victory lap on their pet dog. It’s a wild, wacky, and wonderful world of monster hunting madness. So grab your weapon, call your cat (and dog), and let's get hunting!

Samurai Souls: A Rollercoaster of Slay, Pray, and 'Okay, One More Try

Hey there, fellow gamer! Are you ready to embark on a journey where your patience will be tested more than a cat watching a laser pointer? Welcome to Nioh 2, the game that's part history lesson, part demon-slaying, and entirely a test of whether you love yourself.

First off, let's talk story. It's like a sushi roll – mostly there to hold everything together. You're this silent, customizable hero, diving into Japan's past to fight alongside and against historical figures. Don't worry if you're not a history buff; the real stars here are the Yokai, who come in more flavors than a Tokyo snack shop.

Now, let's get to the meat and potatoes: the combat. Imagine playing chess, but each piece tries to decapitate you. That's Nioh 2 for you. It's like the game took the Souls-like combat, added a pinch of ninja magic, and then decided to throw in a whole new kitchen sink of weapons and skills. You’ve got nine types of weapons, each with its own PhD-level skill tree. And remember, folks, swinging your sword around like you're trying to swat a fly will just get you killed faster than you can say "Oh no, not again."

Here's a tip: dying is part of the journey. You'll die. A lot. But each death is a learning experience – like touching a hot stove, but with more demons and less parental guidance.

Graphics and sound? Top-notch. You'll be so immersed in feudal Japan that you might start bowing to your cat. And let’s not forget the loot – you'll find so much gear that it's like playing dress-up with a samurai twist.

So, who should play Nioh 2? Masochists, history enthusiasts, and anyone who thinks they have too much free time. It's a game that will challenge you, frustrate you, and occasionally make you feel like a Yokai-slaying badass.

Overall, Nioh 2 doesn't reinvent the wheel. It just adds spikes and sets it on fire. So grab your katana, take a deep breath, and prepare to shout “Just one more try!” at 2 AM. Happy gaming!

Steam Review: "An Epic Tale of Triumph, Tragedy, and Troublesome Toads" ⭐⭐⭐⭐

🕹️ Gameplay: Like trying to ride a unicycle on a tightrope over a pit of lava - exhilarating but you might lose your eyebrows in the process.

Let's break it down:

Controls: Remember your first time trying to use chopsticks? That's me, every time I try to navigate this game. I feel like I'm playing Twister with my fingers.

Jumping Mechanics: Ever seen a kangaroo on a trampoline? Neither have I, but I imagine it's akin to my character's attempt at leaping. It's like gravity had a few too many and decided to mess with me.

Enemy Interaction: Picture this - a ninja mid-kick, frozen in the air, contemplating life choices. That's the enemies for you. They defy physics more than a cartoon cat running off a cliff.

Boss Designs: These bosses are like that one overdressed person at a casual brunch. Over-the-top, eye-catching, and makes you question your life choices.

Beauty: This game is so pretty it could make a grown man weep. I'm not crying, you're crying!

Difficulty: If 'Sekiro' is a spicy habanero and 'Fallen Order' is a mild salsa, this game is the mystery taco - looks safe, but you might need a bucket of water.

Dungeon Levels: It's like a box of chocolates in a haunted house - you never know what you're gonna get, but you're pretty sure it's going to scare the pants off you.

Boss Encounters: It's a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute I'm on top of the world, the next I'm Googling "How to defeat [insert impossible boss name here]" while questioning my life choices.

For the Noobs: If you're like me and have the gaming skills of a potato, fear not! This game is more forgiving than your grandma when you accidentally break her favorite vase.

🌟 Overall: It's not perfect, but it's like a thrilling book you can't put down - even if sometimes you want to throw it against the wall. If you're ready to laugh, cry, and possibly hurl your controller across the room in a fit of joyous rage, this is your game.

Verdict: Highly recommend, especially if you enjoy puzzles like "Why did I do this to myself?" 10/10 would get defeated by the first boss again.

👍 Like if you agree, share if you cried, and award if you too have been personally victimized by gravity in this game.

Fun, Frustrating, Fab.

One Word - Wow.

As a long time FPS veteran, I have to say this is one of the funnest games I have played. The games do not last long and it removes frustration that games like CS:GO, Overwatch can cause when a game runs too long.

I believe this game has good potential. It is redundant to compare this to big companies such as Valve and Blizzard.

People cried that League of Legends was a dota reskin, and look how famous it is now...

Moral of the story - Don't judge a book by its cover. Go and play it.

I bought this for the Story "Cough". Ensure you have a pillow to walk safely around the house...

I can never look at Asian girls the same way again... without a pillow....