Recent reviews by товарищ Сталин

Literally unplayable. And I don't mean that in the meme sense, I mean the game was literally unplayable. Settings that I changed were not saved. Sound would cut out when going through different menus in the main screen. And the camera could not be moved at all. At first I thought this was a cinematic choice going through the black-and-white prologue, but nope. The camera just flat-out would not respond to mouse movements or the right analog stick on my controller.

I know for a lot of games it can take a while for the game to "click" for you, but in this case the "click" never came.

Makes me feel like I'm 12 again.

Definitely one of those one-man dev games that make you go "What on earth? This looks like jank" only to have you later going "...why is the sun coming up?" hours later. A relaxed pace and a simple design hide a game with a surprising amount of room for depth and creativity. And with the developer's announcement that free updates/expansions are incoming, this leaves only more room for anticipation of what's to come.

Absolutely worth the price of entry at $13.50 US!

I really really really really REALLY wanted to like this game as it had pretty much everything I wanted in the whole "playing a barkeep in a fantasy game setting" genre that wasn't in yet another retro 8 to 32-bit graphical style and tried to be as forgiving as I could, but the game is just broken on a fundamental level and I can't honestly recommend it in the state that it's currently in.

If his changes, I will absolutely update this review to reflect it.

🦀🦀🦀🦀

Can't wait for it to actually come out.

EDIT: The game is actually out now. I can't believe it.

It's okay. Would probably recommend.

This game is just bad overall.

The character controls like steering a cow in a shopping cart.

The voice acting is uninspired and cringe-worthy.

The writing is insipid and trite.

The plot is tired and overdone.

10/10. It's okay.

Dear god, this "game" is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ AWFUL! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pretentious hipster ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ at it's worst presented in the form of a walking simulator narrated by a sleepy British dope where nothing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ happens.

A sad mopey oh so painfully British ♥♥♥♥ gets on a sad oh so painfully British island and mopes about doing absolutely ♥♥♥♥ ALL while you just sit there and hold the W key.

0/10. I wouldn't floss my dogs' ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with the tape this game was coded onto.

AM I BAD AT GAMES OR SOMETHING HOLY ♥♥♥♥ WHY DO I KEEP DYING. THIS GAME KEEPS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ME LIKE I'M SOME CHEAP TIJUANA ♥♥♥♥♥ WITH REEEEEEALLY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. NO ♥♥♥♥ YOU THERE'S NO WAY TO WIN THIS GAME EVEN IF YOU TRY YOUR HARDEST! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SKILLED YOU ARE THIS WILL SHOVE IT'S MAYONAISE-COVERED FIST SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'LL BE TASTING EGG-WHITES FOR MONTHS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I DIED AGAIN AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

9/10. It's okay.