Welcome to the Virgin Atlantic of gaming profiles ladies. Darksluff is the countenance of boomer gaming, so buckle in and prepare to be struck by my vast gamers catalogue!

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I work at Curry’s PC World and I’ve got Netflix on my telly. I’ve the Beano annuals 1976 – 2011 but I’m no menace. I have my 3 beloved fish: Fred, Rodney and Barbra. I often walk my old man round Ronsons Reservoir (we have an annual pass don’t worry). I drink 4 litres every day for peak saturation. TGI Fridays every Friday. And my biggest passion, yup you guessed it. Gaming.

Hairy Fairies 3: This title should be straight on your Christmas wish list. Its plenty long and full of scares, far better than the previous games. All the fairies are plenty tasteful and microtransactions seem very generously priced. Beyond the vanilla game I would also recommend the Hairy Fairies 3: The Hairy Fairy Hall DLC to actually go inside the great hairy hall, full of cool stuff.

Minnesota Plumbing Simulator: Far too hard, graphics less that stellar and not enough tools to pull off the large scale jobs. I could never get past the level where you need to hold 3 locknuts in place whilst replacing the golden drain stubout.

I OWN A DESKTOP PC which is briming with RAM! The Darksluff gaming experience starts with a well ventilated housing unit, powered by a single fan capable of up to 250 rotations per second! To optimise fps the operating system, bios AND game files are directly installed into my GPU’s local memory. As a result: there is no need for a CPU or motherboard and I can boot up my PC and straight into Crysis 3 in under half a second. The Sluff gaming setup includes x1 CD tray and floppy disk port, all of which is hooked up to a dual pair of Sony PVM-8040 Trinitron 8" Colour Surveillance CRT Monitors.

ONLY ADD ME IF YOU CAN SHOOT FAST HOOPS AND SPIT HOT BARS!