Recent reviews by Denny Crane

So, you have to spend real money to get the best cards. In today's fatties-against-the-man, I'm surprised the "biggest" of the nerds are not up in a jiggle of impotent fury. To add to the "pay to win" method of this video game, there is an ACTUAL prize wheel you HAVE to use that doesn't even give you control of the wheel; the prize is predetermined when you click to start the wheel. Did I mention that prize wheel provides drops of the rare material you NEED to construct those "best" cards? 2000 of this material is required to START to get the best cards. You maybe get 15 at a time. I picked up this video game when it was actually free. I still feel ripped off.
Gambling for children, pay to win business structure. Do NOT support this video game. Denny Crane.

Guns. Gory violence. Real men. These are the reasons I am suggesting this video game. At first (because of having to figure out HOW to deal with certain "bosses" AND having to figure out HOW to upgrade my gear) I couldn't recommend this video game. Perhaps that is its biggest flaw, nothing is really explained to you. However, upon overcoming that flaw in this video game's design, I can safely say that this is a video game we need. Alien parasites (i.e. Democrats, Socialists, Communists, soy boys) are a threat to Earth and only a real man can stop them. With guns. Denny Crane.

Finally a return to what made the original first two so popular and fun. This video game is an investment though. You pay upfront for future updates and customization options. Worth it. Denny Crane.

Denny Crane here to say "buy this video game." I read Treasure Island when I was a boy and playing this video game reminds me what it felt like to first read that book; including each subsequent reread. Buried treasure, detailed sailing, fast paced combat against other players - ship-to-ship, firearms and swords. This video game is not for the sissy at heart. You WILL die, you WILL lose everything and you WILL lose it all in the worst possible ways. But the more you play, you will die less, lose everything less and it won't seem AS bad. Eventually, you'll understand how to reduce your chance of dying, figure out when and how to secure your loot and/or ship AND you'll see the danger coming to where you can avoid those terrible times.
Fighting giant squids, drinking, looting, fighting, swimming, sailing and every way to punish a Democrat/Socialist/Communist if you meet a player that claims as much. Denny Crane.

Denny Crane here. I am going to do the hard thing and give a honest "negative" to this video game.
Missions feel pointless; gone is the Cold War aesthetic; every evil genius is given the same generic dialogue for the little movies, yet they all look and act so different; all the different world agents look the same no matter where they come from; "distraction" minions don't distract and only run the casino, leaving all your combat minions to do the escorting and distracting.
Fancier animations, and matte colors do not hide that this video game misses the mark on many levels. OH! And if you don't think Socialism/Communism is a threat, their ignorant followers like to place subliminal messages where they can. Case-in-point: "Hammer" is one of the world governments and was in charge of the Communist countries in the first iteration. In the sequel, someone placed the U.K. as part of "Hammer."
Socialist/Communist propaganda, mixed up video game design and generic feeling/sounding evil geniuses. Do not buy this video game. Denny Crane.

What happens when Socialists play God and attempt to have their own city? The dead will walk the Earth. For every person you turn into an undead, is another person you saved from Socialism. Think hard for this one, understand that what it will take to prevent another Socialist uprising and take over, are people willing to lay down their lives for freedom (i.e. walking headlong into trouble without a care for your own life).

Is this video game fun? Sure. However my negative review deals with a problem I've seen as of late. Video games are released, claiming to be complete and ready to play, then after playing begins so do the problems: glitches and "bugs." These issues either halt progress all together or hinder immersion and suspension of disbelief. What's worse, the fat nerds think these issues are funny, "cute," and "quirky." What these are are symptoms of complacency and lack of standards in life as well as the products we purchase. Stop letting fat, losers set the bar allowing weakness and inferiority to reign as normal.
Denny Crane.
Update: I bought this "Anniversary" upgrade and found that ALL the old problems were still present. Nothing was fixed, more things were added that don't work. I will never buy another product from this parent company "Bethesda." Denny Crane.

I had no idea there were four more movies, let alone a video game based on the whole franchise. I took this gal I was dating to the first movie. She enjoyed it, as did I; we enjoyed each other in the car after. As a kid, who in their right mind who isn't fascinated by dinosaurs. Even in my day they were exciting. The next logical step is to find a way to house your childhood fascinations in a theme park at prices only the rich can afford.
The music and the atmosphere all feel as if they were from the original movie somehow. Even got some of the same actors to reprise their roles. Buy it and be a kid again. Or buy it and remember that great car-sex I had. Denny Crane.

This product was announced in 2013 (a Democrat's administration) and only released today. The moment I saw that Unity logo I foresaw this would be a refund. Unresponsive buttons on the menu, random things (like zombie minions being put somewhere else on the map when you reload from defeat) that will then cause problems that were impossible to avoid. I say again, there should be a warning label for video games that use Unity. All the animations look the same - like paper shadow puppets or cardboard cutouts.
There are some positive things too. For one, there are moral choices (I encountered only one before the refund request) which seem to add something to this video game but with no indication how they affect the character you play; the apparent abundance of pop culture references that go over this old man's head; and the idea of controlling your own zombie army.
This video game is not terrible. Only held back by an inferior, poor-man's video game "engine."

Interesting concept. But as if we wouldn't have the nukes to take down the alien bastards. Part of this video game is figuring out buttons, and what allows what; when there is no clear identification where to go you are mashing buttons hoping to achieve SOMETHING.
I should have known this would be refunded from the title screen. When I saw the word "Unity" my gut sank. There should be a warning label on video games that use this inferior video game engine. Do not buy this video game. Refund requested. Denny Crane.