3,653 people found this review helpful
306 people found this review funny
9
3
19
2
7
3
2
3
3
2
24
Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 1,091.1 hrs on record (809.5 hrs at review time)
Posted: 15 Mar, 2014 @ 7:16pm
Updated: 9 Aug, 2019 @ 9:25am

Sadly due to the rapidly globalized economy and the world we live in, exploiting indigenous populations is not nearly as easy nor profitable as it used to be. But thanks to the fine people at Paradox Interactive, I can unleash the inner beast that resides within all White European Christians and do my part for humanity. Once I get bored from ousting the filthy Turkomans from Constantinople (not giving it back to Byzantium because ♥♥♥♥ orthodoxy, Pope #1 forever baby, get rekt bearded priests) I can turn my furious and just gaze across the Atlantic and kill lots of savages (not my fault those filthy natives were living on Burgundian Florida). Soon the whole world will be swathed in Burgundian colors, or all that's actually worth ruling (not ruling Africa because let's be honest it's Africa and lots of Zulu rebellions plus Zika mosquitos).

This game is best played with a warm cup of Folger's coffee in your hands, so you can actually smell the oppression while you relive the greatest period of time of all time. The period when white people discovered the world and decided they didn't like it.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
131 Comments
Poppy Green 7 Oct, 2024 @ 4:19pm 
Just wanna say, your review rocks! It's so full of insights and cool stuff. You really nailed it
Nikōsen 21 Jul, 2022 @ 5:51am 
Even after all these years, every now and then this review pops into my head, I never give out awards but I firmly believe this review deserved one, it was long overdue.
Warlord Gank 22 Aug, 2021 @ 12:49pm 
I read this review to people sometimes. Everyone loves it.
Hydra 2 Jul, 2020 @ 12:16pm 
Saw that we could give awards, came straight here.
Samodov 25 Jun, 2020 @ 9:17pm 
i saw this new steam awards thing and i immediately thought of your review.
:selphinehappy:
Markus Kruber: Attorney at Law 15 Mar, 2019 @ 4:29pm 
I have no friends.
Pragmatic_Hero 15 Mar, 2019 @ 12:14pm 
One edgy boi, you are
Dodge Chance 5 Dec, 2018 @ 4:13pm 
BASED, will buy the game once I have the shekels and time.
async 11 Oct, 2018 @ 11:51am 
Damn this is the best thing I've read here. Love you man. Deus Vult.
Markus Kruber: Attorney at Law 22 Mar, 2018 @ 7:42pm 
What the fuck did you just say to me, you little Turk?