Instead of doing a joke review I intend to make this a proper one.

TL;DR: I said what I like and dislike and would change about the game and gave it a 8/10 in the end

Part 1: My history with the game

So as you can see by my hours I love this game to death but I also dislike many parts about it.
I started playing in 2014-2015, starting with the Demo. The Demo then was eh, there was only Bank Heist Cash to do on Normal-Overkill, you were capped at level 10 with 12 skill points which weren't enough to get the skill to decrease death noises (yes, this was a thing which I believe should come back) so stealthing was pretty much impossible. It was fun nontheless, I remember being very proud for stealthing it on Overkill and picklocking half of the deposit boxes.
Anyway, that was the Demo to show you I have a long history with this game, went through many changes, buffs, nerfs, reworks and broken times.

Part 2: My thoughts on the game

I don't think Payday 2 is a serious game considering you have skills where you shout at someone to heal them from 0% to 60% HP or you heal yourself by shooting other people.
Saying that Payday 2 isn't a serious game doesn't mean it has a free pass to simply be unrealistic or without logic for example the very recent changes to give the SCAR, AS VAL and G3A3 (Heavy Eagle, Valkyrie Rifle and Gewehr 3 ingame) with a 20 bullets magazine model 30 bullets in the stats (then again with a skill you can have 23 bullets in a Garant with only 8 bullets). The skills or perk decks I can excuse since the secret ending is literally supernatural ♥♥♥♥ <- part talks about the ending of Payday, excusing the skills and perk decks from being "unrealistic" since the game shouldn't be.

Part 3: Weapons

There are too many weapons. Some are bascially replicas of other weapons for example the White Streak Pistol and the Baby Deagle, stats wise basically the same gun except one is behind a DLC wall.
Also there are too many weapons which are basically useless on any difficulty higher than Overkill.
Melee weapons are put into 5 categories: Instant (A.K.A weapon butt), Low Damage, Medium Damage and Stun/Poison and most are useless reskins.
Many weapons share the same mods which makes modifying them less fun since they'll all look mostly the same with the same modifications which is why I love the M4A1 (CAR-4 ingame) so much for having the most exclusive modifications out of all the guns (I think).

Part 4: Difficulty

The difficulty of the game is a joke in my opinion. I don't know what limits the engine has and I'm very glad they're switching engines for Payday 3 so maybe things like my suggestions later can be implemented.
Making enemies tank 2 million damage and dealing just as much doesn't make a game difficult. Relying on Swang Song and Dodge to cheese a heist on DS1D shouldn't be the meta. Spawning in 60 enemies to rush you at the same time and shoot you from 8 different directions with little to no cover is not a way to make a game or mission difficult. All the scaling is silly in my opinion.
Death Sentence made most of the guns useless unless you have a certain set up of skills to give you a ridiculous damage boost to make them kill stuff but not even viable then. Of course not every gun should one shot headshot on the highest difficulty but someone tanking 50 bullets in the head is not how balance should look like.

Part 5: DLCs

Oh god. The DLCs. I bought almost every single one of them, some more useful than others and some just not worth getting. There's way too many DLCs for one game especially when they add next to nothing useful or new (not just a reskin of an already existing gun). Also adding a free version of a DLC gun is pretty bad marketing since I feel cheated out of my money for buying a DLC for a weapon if I could've just gotten a similar one for free.
Don't get me started on the H3H3 one. The characters are not suitable for a heist game, the weapons and perks are laughable and it makes Payday 2 even more to a meme than it already is.

Part 6: Heists/Maps/Missions

There are many different Missions and Maps to come with them. I'm sure a majority of them reuse textures from different Maps or even COPY THE MAP for example Jewlery Store and Ukrainian Job or one of the many Bank Heists (I think there should only be Random and remove Cash, Gold, Deposit boxes versions). Some heists are better made than others obviously, not every single one can be the best but the devs got really lazy on Henry's Rock and yes I absolutely hate this heist. There's almost no cover no where, enemies on top of enemies, very RNG depended. Basically a Swang Song fest.
What I really like about some heists is that RNG can give you different "Heists" for example our good pal Bank Heist. The Vault has two spawns, the camera room has two spawns, the keycard has two spawns and of course cameras have different spawns. All this together always gives you the same heist but different too. What I'd like to see is different approaches to entering the vault for example Big Bank with either the Beast or Thermite. I would've liked to see this be used more in other heists.

Part 7: Suggestions and finale

Weapons: Rework all guns to make them stand out more with their own "personality" for example the Reservior Dogs DLC Rifle and the free equilavent or the White Streak Pistol and Baby Deagle.
Make each melee feel like it does something different than every other melee of it's class. You have 4 choices right now, either high damage, high concealment, stun/poison or weapon butt, low or medium damage are just not worth it if you can use better ones already.

Difficulty: Instead of making it a simple matter of beating wave after wave and on higher difficulties the units get tankier I would've liked to see that it would increase the difficulty as the heist goes on and caps on whatever difficulty you set it on. For example Bank Heist again: First responders arrive at the scene and get taken out, Police shows up and realises they can't do this on their own so they call in the SWAT unit and they call the FBI and they call the Death Wish units and they call the ZEALS. Of course only changing the enemy type per wave is lengthy and would make most Death Sentence Heists very easy but it's also not realistic that the police would send in a tazer, bulldozer and cloaker 30 seconds after the alarm went off (and yes this happened once). I don't know how to perfectly set this up to balance out gameplay, maybe the more casualties the police gets the tougher units they send in.

DLCs: Well you can't change anything about that now. I think cheated by OVERKILL since I remember them saying they would make future DLCs free when they "ended" Payday to work on Payday 3. Of course with COVID-19 and everything they need a some budget to even make Payday 3 so DLCs seem reasonable again. They're okay as they are I guess, just no more H3H3 stuff.

Heists: I don't know how to make the heists better that I haven't said already. Give more options to do the heists like different entrances and escapes.

My rating:

After all I'll give Payday 2 a 8/10, I have so much fun with it with friends and even met them in there. With all the hell I went through it I love it very much. I'm looking forward to Payday 3 and hope it fixes Payday 2's mistakes.

Thank you L btw for inspiring me to make my first serious review :)