I sleep on the ceiling.
I wake up at 1 am.
I kill every millennial I see, no emotions.
I have stopped breathing to save time.
I have blocked 60% of all steam profiles. This number is growing.
I am the reason ISIS has not yet enslaved the west.
Thank me for my service.

Here are some other titles I hold:
Cringe Expert
Stockholder in organized crime
Not danish
Banned from Discord
Leaker of the Linux Kernel source code
Brazillian
K-On! enjoyer (I've never watched it)
Goer of the Outside
Toucher of Foliage
Collector of 4-letter all caps videogames
The Tech Paranoid
Member & Original investor in BigBungalowTV incorporated
Separator of arts and artists
Considered a domestic terrorist in France
Poster of Watamelons
Installer of Gentoos
Ryan Gosling

I don't accept friend requests.
I actually do, but scammers stopped sending them as of me adding the above string