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报告翻译问题
Came to a family cookout uninvited, claiming he was 'buzzed out' from 'chugging dat kool-aid like it was ♥♥♥♥♥ juice'. Then reached into the potato salad with his bare hands, slid the hand down his mouth, down his chin, and across his chest. Claimed 'this ♥♥♥♥ so good if it was a dude I'd suck his ♥♥♥♥ like I was drownin' and his balls had oxygen'. He then proceeded to realize this wasn't the party he thought it was, shouted 'y'all nigas got no blow so I'mma gooo', and began sprinting away only to run through my sliding glass door and lose consciousness until the EMTs arrived.
Also, I will keep the 'b' in 'beat your ass'.