Recent reviews by Dr. Cock Slappington, M.D.

I don't know WHAT this is, but it's not a game. It's not even an idler. It's just a glorified screensaver with the audacity to have DLC.

178.5 hours to finish *one* playthrough. And you know what I'm doing next? Immediately starting another one.

One of the best games I've played in decades.

This ain't it.

Glad there was a Free-to-Play weekend, because there was no way I could justify $60 for this, and after a few hours of playtime, I'm confident it's not worth $35 either. Thought I was getting into Marvel X-COM, but it's some sort of overly-ambitious deckbuilder/RPG hybrid that tries to be three different kinds of game and is bad at all of them. The animations are nice but get old fast. Game feels like 75% cutscenes. Decent humor, but the voice acting is meh. Coil leveling is unexciting. Load times are excruciating.

Some excellent survival horror and base building mechanics, with a great story, interspersed with bizarrely difficult moments that feel wildly unbalanced. Honestly, I could've spent 100 hours just making my zipline-filled base entirely self-sufficient and forgotten entirely about the plot, but I'm glad I finished it.

I don't know if it warrants a replay with Sons of the Forest coming out soon, which I'll definitely be playing, but if it's on sale and you're a fan of open world survival crafting who hasn't played this yet, give it a shot.

Utter disappointment. No other way to describe it after all this time in Early Access. THIS is your official release?

With a thousand hours spent in other M&B games, this Magnum Crapus is frequently indistinguishable from Warband at its bets moments, a mess of menus and broken dialogue elsewhere, and missing key features from previous games. Early play is nice enough, being a mercenary on horseback, but after a few hours you're just looking at a grind against a broken AI and a cobweb of political and personal relationships that are impossible/pointless to manage. And don't get me started on the hitboxes... you had *so* much time to work on this stuff...

My fault for having high hopes. Nothing about the 1.0 announcement even coaxes me toward reinstalling and giving it another shot. Dead game.

Oh hell yeah. Haven't played much yet, obviously, but something clicks here. Everyone comparing it to an "Animal Crossing/Stardew Valley" hybrid so far seem to be pretty spot-on. The transitions are snappy and fun, controls are smooth (although I hope the settings are expanded to include sensitivity), and the early game does a good job of organically walking you through the mechanics.

Heavy notes of My Time at Portia. "Minecraft" maybe in terms of the cube layout, but that's about where it ends. Animal trapping looks fun. I love the idea of developing a town that attracts shopkeeper NPCs and families. Excited to play more and see how the game develops.

Updated review (partly for the Steam badge): Impressive amounts of new content just keeps coming.

The lightsaber combat being kinda cool doesn't even begin to make up for the rest of the game being a boring, on-rails, 3D platformer. You'd get as much out of this game simply watching all the cutscenes chained back-to-back as you would if you included all the mindless jumping and climbing between lightsaber fights. I'm just not interested in Super Mario: Reluctant Jedi.

Tried it twice, once purchased and refunded, and once through EA Play. I give up.

No real nuance here. Just math and RNG. There are UI bugs that hide relevant menus. The aesthetic is nice, but I'm not sure why so many people are raving about how relaxing it is. Refunded.

Thought it was one of the best deckbuilders I'd ever played, even before I realized it was the 4D Chess of deckbuilders.

Thought it was one of the best indie games I'd ever played, until I realized it was actually THREE games.

The art, the music... Wow. I guarantee I'll replay this, and that's a first for a deckbuilder I've already beaten.