The longing for the object of desire is pure desire. The obtaining of the object of desire kills the desire and therefore actually obtaining what we think we desire is to be avoided almost at all costs. And so, we self-sabotage so that we can go on longing for what we can never have. Of course, this longing never recognises that it is the thwarted longing itself that we ultimately want – we believe that if only we can have what we desire we will be complete. And so we spend our time trying to find ways in which we can achieve our desire, to possess it. It is like that saying that people are in love with the idea of being in love, rather than actually in love with someone else. Capitalism, particularly late stage capitalism, is about consumption (a word that is related to fire, in the sense that what is consumed, like obtaining the desired object itself, ceases to be) and so the act of consummation is a destructive act reducing to ashes what we thought we wanted most. As such, we are all King Midas – we desire gold, but turning everything to gold kills everything we otherwise ought to have loved.

This death wish is central to the desire capitalism breeds in us. And yet, we remain convinced that we are one more purchase away from being complete. The problem is that what we desire is too often defined less by ourselves and more by what we think others would be impressed with us possessing. We want the latest gadget, less for the functionality of the gadget itself, but also for what we think others will believe this says about us. He makes an interesting point about the nature of desire and sacrifice – that all objects of value are only valuable in the sense that they embody sacrifice. This is both in the sense of the sacrifice we have to make in choosing this object over all others that we could otherwise possess if we had not chosen it – something that only then goes on to heighten our desire for the purchase not made and to regret the one chosen – but also that the objects we desire embody the sacrifices of others. He says that this is a fundamental feature of capitalism – that capitalism always involves sacrifice, of the child slaves who dig the rare earth metals that power our iPhones, the workers who must sign contracts that they will not attempt suicide while working in the factories that put our iPhones together, the rivers and environments reduced to wastelands by our factories and mines. Sacrifice is fundamental to desire, and loss is a consequence of desire that is always thwarted.

You would think that we would learn that this is a fool’s game and find ways to break the cycle – but the whole machinery of capitalism is desired for us to never make this connection. And so this is the revolutionary act we need to make – to recognise that whatever it is to be fully human is not to be found in the desires capitalism places before us. That finding ways to transcend these desires – these beliefs that we can be completed by the commodities on offer to us – is the path towards becoming true individuals defined by choices that make us whole, rather than choices that leave us perpetually longing for what we can never have. This is the difference between love and desire. A kind of acceptance.