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Let’s get this out of the way: Subverse is not a ♥♥♥♥ game—it’s a bunch of solid minigames slapped together with some softcore cutscenes you unlock using your “♥♥♥♥ currency.”

The gameplay is top-notch, the story is surprisingly entertaining, but when it comes to the ♥♥♥♥? My ♥♥♥♥ is as unimpressed as it’s ever been.

The “♥♥♥♥ gallery” feels about as ♥♥♥♥ as assembling IKEA furniture. If you’re looking for something to jerk off to, save yourself the trouble and stick to Baldur’s Gate 3—at least their romance scenes have some actual passion.

Lag

A game where you fish during the day and dodge sea monsters at night. It’s like Animal Crossing meets Lovecraft, except Tom Nook has tentacles and is coming for your boat.

The game-play loop? Fish, sell, upgrade, repeat—until you realize you’ve dredged up more anxiety than treasure. The horror elements? Less “terrifying monsters” and more “mild inconvenience,” like losing your keys in the dark.

Final verdict: It’s a spooky, relaxing fishing trip where the real danger is your inability to fit a single tuna into your Tetris-shaped cargo hold. 10/10, would scream at the ocean again.

Ah, The Invincible—the game where you’re a scientist armed with atompunk gadgets, searching for your missing crew on a creepy alien planet. Sounds thrilling, right? Well, buckle up, because it’s less "thrill ride" and more "Firewatch... but in space... with existential dread and slower walking."

The visuals? Stunning. The soundtrack? Absolutely haunting. The movement speed? Oh, slower than molasses in a Siberian winter. You’ll spend more time walking than investigating, and by the time you reach your objective, you might feel like you’ve aged in real life.

But wait, there’s more! Invisible walls block your path, because apparently Yasna can outthink robots but can’t step over a rock. And let’s talk about the endings—11 of them, they say! But don’t get excited, they’re just slightly different flavors of “nothing really happens, roll credits.”

It’s gorgeous, atmospheric, and deeply philosophical... if you can survive the glacial pacing. 10/10 for the vibes, 3/10 for walking simulator rage. Would recommend if you enjoy pondering humanity’s place in the universe while staring at loading prompts.

"DICEOMANCER" is the only game where the main mechanic is straight-up cheating, and the game’s like, “Yeah, that’s fine.” Want to reroll the enemy’s HP, your money, or even the price of bread in the shop? Go for it. Reality itself is your plaything.

It starts simple: reroll numbers to your heart's content. Then it spirals. Suddenly, you’re rerolling so much the “purple mist” of cosmic chaos shows up to ruin your day. It’s like FTL’s rebel fleet, but with more existential dread and fewer spaceships.

The mana system? Brilliant. Three colors, infinite possibilities, and more stress than figuring out if blue matches red (spoiler: it doesn’t, unless you’re a Pro). And the classes? All distinct. Some feel overpowered; others feel like they’re playing Dark Souls in a roguelike.

It’s "Slay the Spire" on steroids, with extra dice and a little chaos for flavor. 10/10, would gamble away reality again.

Ever dreamed of running a medieval village, only to have it burned to the ground by brigands and your own poor planning? Well, welcome to Manor Lords!

This game is the perfect mix of "relaxing city builder" and "stress simulator." One minute you're enjoying the satisfying placement of vegetable plots, and the next, you’re watching your villagers starve because you forgot to thresh the wheat. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the bandits—they show up like uninvited party crashers, steal all your food, and leave your militia crying in a ditch.

The graphics are stunning, so at least everything looks pretty while it’s being destroyed. And let’s not forget the combat—it's not “who will win?” but “how fast can I lose?”

Manor Lords lets you live the true medieval experience—building something beautiful only to watch it crumble in chaos. 10/10, would watch my villagers starve and die again. Glory to the brigands.

"Yakuza 0" is a touching tale of two men struggling with their past, their honor, and… how to obliterate someone’s rib-cage using an entire bicycle.

You’ll cry during the main story, laugh at the side quests, and question why you’re teaching a dominatrix how to dominate properly while still recovering from a heartfelt karaoke session about lost love.

This game somehow balances intense real estate battles, break-dancing brawls, and managing a cabaret club as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. One minute you’re fighting for your life; the next, you’re bowling for a chicken that will become your best employee.

I still remember when the Dead Island trailer took the internet by storm—an emotional masterpiece that convinced us all to buy the game, only to be met with crushing disappointment when the actual gameplay turned out to be... well, not that. The OG trailer was a work of art, better than the game itself, and honestly set the stage for No Man’s Sky and Cyberpunk 2077 to carry the torch of over-hyped trailers.

This game is like Sherlock Holmes on a budget: armed with a creepy stopwatch and a vague sense of dread, you’ll piece together the fates of 60 people while questioning your own sanity. “Was this guy speared by a Kraken, or did he just trip and die dramatically?” becomes a normal thought process.

The visuals are what happen when someone says, “Make it look like a pirate ship and a Game Boy had a love child.” And yet, it works. Combine that with the haunting music and you’ve got the perfect ambiance for figuring out why Carl fell off the mast while Steve was being stabbed by an angry chef.

"Welcome to the Ministry of Admission! Your job is to ruin lives, one mismatched document at a time."

On paper (pun intended), this game shouldn’t be fun. Stamping passports and catching typos sounds about as thrilling as waiting in line at the DMV. But here I am, six hours deep, yelling “NO ENTRY!” at my screen because someone’s expiration date is off by one day.

Moral dilemmas? Check. Do you feed your family or accept a bribe to let a suspicious “businessman” into Arstotzka? Stress? Oh, absolutely. One typo, and suddenly, I’m not feeding grandma this week. And yet, I can’t stop playing.

The graphics look like they were borrowed from a 1982 typewriter, and somehow, it’s perfect. Every pixel screams, “Life is pain, comrade.”

Final verdict: If you’ve ever wanted to be both a hero and a bureaucratic monster, this is the game for you. Glory to Arstotzka. Detain first, ask questions later.