Old Man 最近的评测

Well, hello everyone! Remember me? Of course you don't, however, let me tell you something: at the game's release I promised I will make an in-depth review of this very game when I will pour a cup of good time and rage quits. And would you guess, I've gotten every hard and skilled achievements apart from some grinding ones that I'll do later. Lead God included. Long live Com4nd0. Anyways, let's get riiiiight into it, shall we?

• So, what is this game exactly? Well, just what it advertises: a rogue-like gun dungeon that is tough as balls, but all for the wrong reasons, and we'll adress that in just a momment.
  
  
• As you might imagine, in a game called Enter the Gungeon(EtG) it should have guns, and boy it's got plenty of 'em. 200+ to be exact. However, how many weapons are actually worth your investment into them? The sad answer to this is actually not a lot at all, with an average of ~80 in my eyes. Why is this so important?
  You need guns for 2 things: mob clearing and bosses.
  Mob clearing is self explanatory, go to room to room using said weapon, in boss' case you need something to do good dmg or dps.
  The problem with all of this that most of the guns have mediocre damage, and those who do have good stats are just really rare and most likely have low ammo capacity/high ammo consumption rate. This is a big issue when it boils down together with the enemies we'll cover in the next point.
  And I almost forgot the bright side of this point: lots and lots of unique guns! I don't want to spoil up your possible adventures, but take into account space engines, drills and bananas into it, alright?
  
  
• The enemies. Oh GOD the enemies. First of, the bright side of things.
  All of the enemies encountered in the gungeon are weapon/ammunition related: bullets, shells, you get the idea. These enemies, have gun that fire bullets. So esentially you fire bullets at bullets that fire bullets at you. Feeling Lil' Wayne'd yet, dawg?
  Most of them out there are cute. Cute as in you want to punch the lil sh!t at the end of everything.
  The whole game is based around lots of these mobs shooting at you, and let me tell you, the bullet hell(s) can be very frustrating, and here's why: THE ENEMIES HAVE TOO MUCH HEALTH. Not only that, but their health scale with the levels, meaning your starting weapon becomes more and more less viable as floors pass.
  "But this is what guns are for, right? You know, mob clearing, as you said earlier?"
  Hehehe... for that boy, we reach the next point.
  
  
• Rooms drops are random and unreliable. Has it ever happened to you that in The Binding Of Isaac to not be able to enter an item room and miss an item because no keys dropped? Now how's about to have 2 chests on the floor, get absolute jack for completing the floor, and be forced to buy a key all the time from the shop? Does that seem like fun to you? A lot of the time you will miss chests, that meaning you'll miss items, that means you are less prepared for what comes next. On the bright side of things, the more you progress through the game, the more ways are of acquiring items. Chests can drop at random, too, but higher tier chests are always locked.
  Oh yeah, the chests. Have you ever wanted your run to be even more random than it was? Have your loot not only being classified in poop tier and god like, but let's also mix'n'match the 2 chests you're getting, so you will most likely find 99% of the time brown chests and 1% the rest. Awesome, right? So much talking about chests makes me want to move to the next point...
  
  
• The bosses. *le sigh*
  There are some really well designed bosses in this game, and there is always a way of taking no damage through skill and knowledge(and loot ;) ). Mentioning the no damage, doing a boss flawless(no hits) you will be awarded a master round of the respective floor, which is also a health up. This is your only reliable source of hp ups in the game, so you as you might imagine, the bosses will get repetitive once you get the hang of it, so the floors are going to be your main source of entertainment, which is very bloody weird, but it works in its favor. And if you haven't caught the idea by now, all of the bosses are bullet hell.
  There is a really stupid balancing issue here, however: the bosses take way too much damage to destroy.
  Listen, having high health bosses are alright, but only if there are like two or three. Here, every single one has an unbearable amount of hp, here's what I mean:
  -In The Binding Of Isaac, your first floor boss is let's say Monstro. It takes about 30 seconds to fight him and win.
  -Here let's say you get Bullet King. With the base weapon, he takes about two minutes to beat. And this is where it works against itself, since it takes ages to beat him, in the process you might get hit, losing the potential hp up you could have achieved, and overall it just prolongs the fight unnecesarilly, for what? To make a point? It's plain stupid, and it really should be redesigned all-together.
  At least, the boss drops are actually quite nice, giving you lost health, armor, keys, and the item can be of any rarity, so OP weapons can be dropped here, which at least makes these worthile to go through. Some times, anyway.
  One last thing on this is that bosses drop currency that can be used in...
  
  
• The breach! A.k.a. the hub where you spend your munies at. While you explore the gungeon, you will find every now and then a locked NPC. These guys are the ways of gaining items I mentioned previously: do this I reward you that, map the area I give this, I'm a merchant etc. Some of them you will encounter right in the chambers, others in the breach, and they take the boss currency and unlock new items for your playthrough. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
  
  
• The replayabilty is a bit mixed. Sure, you get lotsa cool guns every playthrough, but you're not gonna use them pretty much until floor 4 and onwards, because ammo drops, and I don't want to talk about this again. Another thing is that rooms are feeling repetitive, a lot of them you encounter before, you will encounter after quite frequently, and that is a bad sign for a rogue like yo'. Seeing how in the future the devs will add new content(and possibly that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Save and quit option), more room variety is pretty much necessary.
  Also, on this topic too, to get the game up to 100%, you have to do a lot of grinding, which that, ladies and gents, is where the true replayability stands on. I'm just tired of commenting on all of this, so I'll just get to the final point.
  
  
  tl;dr Enter the Gungeon is a deeply flawed game. If you made it through my review this far, you've seen I made a lot of negative points on every segment, but does that mean this game is bad and I should not recommend it? Hell no!
  Sure, its balancing on... EVERYTHING is utter sh!t. But this is the first game in a really long while to prove so challenging that I want to beat it just for the sake of beating it.
  As casual and family friendly EtG might look like, this is way too hard for anyone in this category, however the competionists and bullet hell fans will enjoy this a lot I say.
  Overall, the game is worth a 7.4/10. It does not win a rounded 8 just for how bad some of the stats can be.
  If you are new to the bullet hell genre or you just want a challenge, I suggest picking this up at a discount.
  
  This was your random stranger keeping his word and giving you a review by the book, over and out.
  Have a nice day!

This is the best Poseidon simulator on market.
But nothing else beyond that.

A quick message to the developer(s): it looks like you might have talent in making stuff, but this is not the game to glorify it.

The review:

• The gameplay is plain and boring, esentially you use 2 keys to control the waves your surfer... surfs. It's easy to understand, but it gets really bullsh!tty once you reach later levels. That being level 2. It's bad.
  
• The start is PAINFULLY slow and your surfer's speed accelerates way too fast, as by the time you reach twenty waves, your head will get very dizzy.
  
• About those waves I mentioned earlier, that's the scoring system. The more waves you passed succesfully, the higher the score. However, once you reach a set amount, you'll switch levels, and boy oh boy, the difficuly curve gets ridiculous.
  
• The soundtrack consists of 2 songs. Two. You heard right: the menu and the gameplay. That's it. The one on the gameplay side starts off well once you play this the first time, but gets extremely irritating once you have to restart over and over and over again.
  
• There are unlockable characters to choose from, all of them locked a score rating OR you could buy them with stars that are somehow scattered within the waves. Most of them are just masochistic to get via the score route, so you'll end up using the stars, which are plentiful if you enjoy playing. Also, some of them are unique, and make the game even harder than it is. yay.
  
  That concludes it. If you are willing to buy this, here's my tip:
  Turn. That. Piece of sh!t of gameplay song. Off. And put something else.
  If you are wondering why I have 2 hours invested in this is because I wanted those bloody cards and I tried my best to find something redeemable within this. Nope.
  
  In the end, spend your money somewhere else and don't buy everything steam coupons give you.

As many of you might know(or not), this game is heavily compared to Undertale, and makes you ask: just why? I'm here to illuminate you(or not).

• First of all, and I want to get this out of the way ASAP, both of the games have amazing character development. By the end of everything, you'll care for them more-so than your mother. You will LOVE THEM!!!, y'hear? However, might I say Lisa and Undertale take different approaches on this, but both work just fine. Now that this is done, moving on to the story.
  
  
  
• Have you ever wanted to cry deeply from an emotional train wreck of a sentimental wild ride? Well if you're saying yes, which I know you are saying no right now you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ liar, then Lisa is the game for you standalone. For maximum experience, play the Joyful afterwards, but I warn you, it's got boring gameplay. We'll get to that in a second. B-B-BUT WAIT, I hear you screaming with your Alphys emoticon in place, UNDERTALE HAS A GREAT STORY TOO!!1!1! Did I say anything about that yet? Then hold your horses. Undertale's story is not NEAR as sad as Lisa's. Unless you're doing Genocide, but by the time you get there, you'd have defeated "the easiest boss" and you'd be fuelled from the rage accumulated from your deaths more so than anything. Overall, the story gets a 10/10, no spoilers, don't ever get Fly Minetti if you want to ever face a challenge.
  
  
• Onto the gameplay, this is the point that separates the two games: Lisa got a slightly modified Earthbound combat system, which goes on turns, whilst Undertale is more bullet-hell live action. There are some changes to the system, of course, let's say the "WASD" mechanic, where the character not only does extra damage this way, but can perform special moves too! I found this pretty damn awesome. In Undertale, you are all alone and can face up to 3 enemies, while in Lisa you can have a party of 4(including the main character of course) and you can confront up to 7-8 enemies at ONCE. A thing I forgot to add about the characters, every single one is unique, it's got something to keep him worth your time, giving you the the option to try again and again new combos of party members, adding up big time to the replayability. Speaking of which...
  
  
• Undertale is pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ short, a full nooby playthrough would take 6 hours to complete and all the other ones from that point ~4 hours. Now Lisa, hehehe, took me more than 14 hours to do the first playthrough standalone, all the other hours you see is from 2 other ones and a pain mode run+extra from The Joyful dlc. So yeah, quite a lot to do.
  
  
• The exploration in this game is huge, there's a lot of secrets out there that require multiple playthroughs to see everything there is left to see. And this game is a platformer, no less, the last thing when thinking about one is huge.
  
  
• As much as I like Lisa, its soundtrack(made by Widdly-2-Diddly btw), as really good as it is, it cannot compare to Toby Fox' masterpiece. However, I can safely say that W2D succeeded in creating atmospheric music, while Toby purely dominates every single boss battle theme ever. That's all I can say, really.
  
  
• The choices, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, the choices. There are few games out there where choices actually matter. What do I mean by this? First off: Undertale's choices consist of "you killed said thing, it stays dead". Other wise, the story remains unchanged, sure, you will not hear anything from said character, but what's the point if it changes nothing in the end? Second off: Lisa = sell dynamite to these 2 chaps for lotsa cash? *Sure. Later you find out a whole area has been raided and 2 potential party members have disappeared forever. WHOOPSIE! Yeah, those kinds of choices.
  
  tl;dr Bottom line: Lisa is an amazing game, and if you read all of my review 'till here, I don't want to put Undertale under(irony) a bad light, par none, I actually support it! I just made the comparison between the two so you can understand this game better and silence some of your questions, if any. Overall, this game is worth a solid 10/10, I bought this at full price and I have no remorse or regrets about it. I strongly recommend this if you want an RPG closest reassembling a full Earthbound experience. That b- OH ♥♥♥♥, FORGOT THE HUMOR PART
  
  
• UUUUUUUH,UUUUUUUUUUH, GOT IT:
  Undertale: spagitii loel xDDDdDDDDD
  Lisa: le middle finger u mad loel xDDADDDdDdDd
  do did done
  kek

Well, I said I'm gonna do a review to this game once I hit the "Grand Standing!" achievement, so here we start. First off, the game is... you guessed it by the other negative(and positive) reviews, a huge waste of time. Why so? Everything you're getting involved is buying these different "stands" that give you more money. To be fair, you'll get rich quite fast, however, money producing after that becomes a time hall of hell, you either wait 24 hours to get your hard-worked cash, or just spend 5 euros(or dollars) for an easy skip. I gotta say that this is not an uncommon thing in free-to-play games, but after me being a huge idiot for over 6 months of playing, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ felt bad.
For the end line I have to say I will NEVER play this game ever again... on Steam. If you really wanna play it, get it on mobile. Sure, some might say it's worse, but at least you have to watch Ads to increase profits. You know, like in AdVenture Capitalist and not SteamwalletCapitalist? I end my word.

Well, this was stupid. Really really stupid. How stupid you may ask? To have a six-packed Thor saying "Stop! HAMMER TIME!" and create a portal that goes to WWII Germany. At least it's enjoyable.
If you haven't served your piece of stupidity in a while, go ahead and watch this movie. It's free after-all and it's just 30 minutes. If only there were more movies like this, but money can't buy all. Except maybe for a work-in-progress mecha suit with a rail-gun attached to it's arm, but eh.

Welp, here goes a PAC-MAN review: it's good, fun and classic, what else there is to say? Global ranking, score sharing, 'chievements for days, it pretty much got everything for everyone. I mean, hell, you can even choose the themes for every level, from the look of the level to the song you want it to play. A thing to note on is that when you are about to crash into a ghost, it will slow down the time(but not the timer) so you can prevent a loss of a life. I don't think this was needed in the first place, but so far both starters and experts agree on it, so let that sink in. Overall, an undying classic revived to a more colorful and cheerful release. Worth a 9/11, definetly worth the price.

I hated controllers. I hated hated hated them. Like, I only used them to play specific games, but for anything else nope. Now this app extended it's use to a whole new level. You can sit on your bed/couch and browse the internet at your need. As easy as it sounds. I have bought a lot of ♥♥♥♥ in my steam life, and I am really satisfied with this one already. Worth the 3 dollars investment if:
A) you're a lazy person like me that likes sitting in bed all day
B) you have a controller and you have no use for it
C) you have eye problems and you should not be close to your monitor
That's pretty much it. And in case you have not noticed, you need an XBOX 360 controller to put this to use.
Yeah, that's it.
I don't know what else to say.
Uhm... pizza?
Kittens?
Economy crisis?
Michael Bay and Shyamalan mooning in front of Kubrick's grave? Nah, just, nah.

This is something. The Talos Principle is truly memorable for me, and I didn't expect that from a puzzle game! There is so much to say about it, yet there is so much to be seen and appreciate with your very own eyes. It all starts with you awaking into a mysterious garden. You're confused on what's going on and suddenly, a voice from above is speaking to you. He presents himself as Elohim, you are his child and he will guide you to a road of eternal life. Along the way you will find computer terminals, sometimes granting network access, allowing you to talk to a program called Milton. Elohim calls him "a snake", whilst Milton says the opposite is "a liar". This program makes you have a conversation with him, letting you feel you are not alone... or are you? Returning to Elohim: for him to grant you eternal life, you must collect his sigils(which in reality those are rejected Tetris blocks) that are scattered through different worlds and puzzles. Speaking of puzzles, they are usually compared to the ones of Portal 2. Because you know, Portal 2 is the only puzzle game in the world, AIN'T IT? However, I can say that these mind-buggling games are truly astonishing and creatively designed. And we're talking about Croteam, the guys that made Serious Sam, a game about a guy blowing ♥♥♥♥ up by just looking at it. *sigh* Anywho, I said something about worlds. An all about 3 lands+a tower, in which you have to find more about them yourself, but all I can say is, and that should summerize the game too: " You know you are not in the real world, you know everything around you is a glitchy simulation program and you DO know there is almost no one to trust. But, you can't help but just... admire the view. Just believe in yourself and your own forces and everything will turn just fine. And trust whoever you think deserves it. " Yeah, that sounded much better in my head, but you get the point. The Talos Principle is a game I consider everyone from now on needs to have it in his/her library, as well as I hope in the near future it will become a nostalgic game everyone will look back on it and smile. The final verdict for this game is a 10/10 for me, a must have. This has been one guy's review, the verdict and choice is at your will.
P.S. SERIOUS SAM 4 CONFIRMED U GUYS, WHO'S WITH MEH?!!

Since it's launch, this game has been called a "copy-paste", "cash grabbin ♥♥♥♥♥" and even a "sellout". Now it has been months, how is the state of the game now? Stand-alone it's a slightly changed Borderlands 2 with reduced longetivity. Adding up the dlc value, I can seriously say that it's at par with it's predecessor, still shorter, but good content for you to spend your precious time on it. Let's get started:
+4 characters+2 dlc ones having their own unique ability, skill trees and even dialogue, everybody saying something different than the other;
+loads of loot waiting for you to harvest(hence the respawnable bosses patch, thank goodness);
+the story, not necesarilly spectacular, is still enjoyable from start to finish;
+side-quests-not-so-many-in-comparison-to-BL2-but-still-quite-many galore;
+low gravity action, allowing you to slam your enemies to bits, or more like... Butt slam ;
+a new weapon time, laser guns! pew pew;
+since there is no slag on the moon, the alternate is the cryo element, freezing enemies in place;
+the addition of the grinder, allowing you instead of selling your crap weapons to turn them into possibly new and better ones;
+did I mention CL4P-TP is a playable character?
-yeah, he's still annoying, but awesome!
-not enough enemy variety, most of the enemies either being reskins or just slightly changed;
-speaking of reskins, most of the legendaries(in proportion of >60%!) are returning from Borderlands 2, which is just plain sad than anything else... and lazy;
-the raid boss was quite the disappointment;
-and last but not least: BACKTRACKING . Who the ♥♥♥♥ thought this was a good idea? Especially since you need to cover huge amount of terrain without a vehicle! *sigh*
That being said, Borderlands: TPS was a pretty big disappointment to a big majority of the fans, however it did corrected it's mistakes later on, as well as the final dlc being fenomenaly good. After a good amount of time spent in this game, I will give the final verdict of an 8/10, it did improved with both the little and big things. With the added dlcs, it's a 9/10, maybe more, maybe less, this is one guy's review, the verdict and choice is at your will.

Alright, by the time I'm writing this recommandation, I did not completed the game yet, but can't help but do it already! A game that I wasn't so hyped about since 2013(or 2014?) but catched my breath as the days passed on by, finally pre-purchasing at the "3 days left" mark. When I launched the game for the first time, I was quite surprised: more cutscenes with dialogue relating to the storyline; the story is dayum deep; the characters have their own personality from "lovable" to "♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, THIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ AGAIN"; the soundtrack was expected to be top notch and it fits pitch perfect with the atmosphere, pretty much like it did in the original game, yet better. And now, finally, the gameplay. Basically: the same core but switching some things there and adding new content there. To clarify this already, it's a top down shooter with a one-hit mechanic attached to it. You kill stuff in one hit, stuff strikes back and kills you instantly. And the stu- *cough* enemies don't show mercy, from damn shotgun snipers from across the map to melee- PHHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFF HAHAHAHAHA- the melee guys are easy. The dogs on the other hand o_o'
Overall, I can't rate this game being good, no no no, it's not at all good. It greater good. Amazing. Just like a wise man said: "It's practically perfect inside of what it's attempting to achieve. A piece of ultra-violence perfected at this point." - TotalBiscuit. If I'd give it a rating, it would be a 10/10, no doubt. It's that good. Must-buy, even at full price.
P.S. Th-The dogs... they're looking angry... I don't like that ;_;
Edit: Alright, finished the game, let's end this: from mid to the last levels everything it's gonna be a bullet hell and that really discourages melee oriented players; the plot twists are a bunch and the ending was, for me, quite a stub. Also, no more Hotline Miami 3, but hey, they said this is gonna be the last game, it's gonna be the last game.