Curse Denzel's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 8:47am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 9:37am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 5:10pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 11:42pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 5:43pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 9:56am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 5:54pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 11:33pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 3:38pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 5:35pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 6:17pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 7:44pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 12:10am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 9:18am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 11:32pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 9:19pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 5:50pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 5:54pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 5:47pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 9:30am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 5:26pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 11:12pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 3:45pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked 3 May, 2015 @ 12:31pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 5:57pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 10:12am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 3:39pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 11:13am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 10:01am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked 3 May, 2015 @ 12:28pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 5:35pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 11:08am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 12:03am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 10:12am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 6:34pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 10:08am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 9:55am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 10:25am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

Unlocked 5 May, 2015 @ 10:10am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!

Unlocked 3 May, 2015 @ 1:02pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 8:02pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 9:41pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Unlocked 5 Nov, 2019 @ 4:58pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Unlocked 5 Nov, 2019 @ 10:54pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 9:29pm

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.

Unlocked 29 Oct, 2019 @ 9:34pm

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.

Unlocked 5 Nov, 2019 @ 4:50pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.

Unlocked 5 Nov, 2019 @ 5:46pm

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.

Unlocked 5 Nov, 2019 @ 10:52pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

13 / 30

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

6 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

21 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

5 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

0 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

9 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

0 / 20

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

8 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

7 / 30