1. A steaming hot free adopted baby:
Hey there this is Danny Fresh with a fresh baby adoption tip for you. Do you want to know how to receive a brand new steaming hot baby free of charge? Well sit down, let me tell you. Step one: Go to your nearest supermarket and find a single mother who has a young baby in her shopping cart. Proceed to snatch the baby out of the shopping cart, at which point the mother will call the police on you but don't worry just stay calm. Walk outside slowly as the police cars come screeching up and just as the cops all start to run towards you, you yell, "RED LIGHT." The police officers will have no choice but to freeze where they are for fear of being called out of the game. With the baby under your arm, you grab a bike out of the bike rack and its not even against the law because if hitch HIKING isn't illegal then hitch BIKING cant be either. As you pull away the mother will come screaming out of the store at which point you will say to her, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." She will accept this and not pursue you any further.

With the baby under your arm, you will bike back to your moderately priced summer home which retails for 552,629 US dollars. Shortly before arriving at your moderately priced summer home which retails for 552,629 US dollars, another group of cops will pull up behind you, at which point you will take a sharp turn on your bike and yell to them, " You break it, you buy it." With the officers unable to afford the cost of buying the squad cars, they will have no choice but to avoid using the breaks and they will go careening off the side of the road. Once you arrive at your moderately priced summer home which retails for 552,629 US dollars with the baby under your arm, you will find that your living room is full of police officers. The chief of police approaches you and begins to tell you that you are under arrest, but you cut him off just in time by saying, "Anybody that says the word arrest is a wimpy loser." The cops, afraid of being regarded as wimpy losers by their peers, have been rendered incapable of arresting you. So they decide to just shoot you instead, but you say, "Excuse me officers, but those guns you're holding look kind of like a couple of BIG WIENERS. Do you really want to be seen as a couple of police officers who go around holding BIG WIENERS all day?" This will cause the cops to suddenly drop their weapons and flee from your moderately priced summer home which retails for 552,629 US dollars. And there you have it. You now have your very own STEAMING HOT ADOPTED BABY.

2. A free steaming hot Domino's one topping pizza:
Hey this is Danny Fresh with a fresh pizza tip for you. Do you want to know how to receive a free Domino's one topping pizza from Domino's Pizzeria and Restaurant? Well sit down, let me tell you. Step 1: Telephone a Domino's Pizza Eatery and Restaurant and order a large one topping pizza and the guy will say, "What topping would you like?" And you say, "I'd like my topping to be another steaming hot Domino's one topping pizza." So the guy asks, "What topping would you like on your Domino's one topping pizza topping?" And then you say, "Go ahead and make my second Domino's one topping pizza topping a Domino's one topping pizza." And then the guy will ask, "Ok sir, what topping would you like on your Domino's one topping pizza topping one topping pizza?" And you respond with, "A Domino's one topping pizza." And continue to order Domino's one topping pizza toppings, until you are at a pizza topped with 71 Domino's one topping pizzas, and then the pizza guy will say, "Wait one moment, sir. We don't have any pizza boxes that will fit this 71 Domino's one topping pizza topping pizza."

So you say, "Hold on," And quickly run to Home Depot and purchase a Maytag refrigerator which retails for 3,399 US dollars, and when it comes time to pay for the Maytag refrigerator, you offer to pay Home Depot, not with cash, but with 70 piping hot Domino's one topping pizzas, and they of course accept, so you buy the fridge and you take it back to the Domino's Pizzeria Restaurant, you give the pizza guy a Maytag refrigerator box and put the 71 topped Domino's Pizza one topping pizza into that, and then you pay Domino's using a brand new Maytag refrigerator which retails for 3,399 US dollars, so then you take the Maytag refrigerator box filled with a 71 topped Domino's one topping pizza back to Home Depot, and you give it to the cashier there as payment for your brand new Maytag refrigerator which retails for 3,399 US dollars, and when the cashier turns his back to get your receipt, you snatch the 71st Domino's one topping pizza off the top of your Domino's one topping pizza stack and you put it in your pocket, and there you have yourself a completely free steaming hot Domino's one topping pizza!