Recent reviews by Relate

Update: Survived the Launch PTSD, Now Just Surviving Zombies (Mostly) - 35 Hours In

Review:

Alright, remember me? The guy trapped in the existential parking lot of the loading screen, clutching his useless pre-order taxi keys? Well, 35 hours, countless headshots, and several questionable base fortifications later, I’ve emerged from the server apocalypse... blinking into the actual game apocalypse. And you know what? It’s... not terrible?

Yes, let's be clear: this thing still has "mobile port" stamped on its forehead like a zombie bite mark. The UI occasionally feels like it was designed for thumbs the size of dinner plates, and the resemblance to State of Decay is less "inspired by" and more "photocopied on a slightly dodgy machine." I even ventured onto my actual phone with an Xbox controller – it's technically playable, a sort of 'meh, gets the job done' option if you desperately need your zombie fix away from the PC, but let's just say it won't be winning any awards for seamless cross-platform experience. It's the scrappy, slightly jankier cousin who showed up late to the zombie party but brought a surprising amount of cheap beer (read: addictive gameplay loops).

The servers, bless their traumatized little digital hearts, seem to have mostly stabilized. They've apparently completed their own survival training and now only occasionally threaten to relapse into full maintenance mode, just to keep us on our toes.

Pros:

Actual Gameplay: Turns out mowing down zombies and scavenging for slightly-less-rusty cans is possible now. Who knew?
The "State of Decay Lite" Fix: Scratches that base-building, resource-hoarding, zombie-splattering itch when you don't want to boot up the real deal.
Surprisingly Addictive Loop: There's a weird charm to upgrading your shack and turning undead into roadkill with that still hilariously out-of-place taxi. It finally left the garage!
Server Stability (Mostly): They've upgraded from "actively hostile" to merely "occasionally moody." Progress!
Cons:

Mobile DNA: It's inescapable. From some clunky menus to the general feel, you know where this game came from (and playing on mobile confirms it).
Derivative as Heck: If originality were a survival resource, this game would have starved long ago.
Occasional Jank: Expect the usual survival game quirks, possibly amplified by its mobile port nature. Sometimes, the zombies aren't the only things behaving erratically.
Launch Day Trauma: The scars remain. Every minor server hiccup or loading screen delay triggers flashbacks.
Verdict:
Okay, fine. I'll eat some crow (probably scavenged from a digital dumpster). After surviving the Great Launch Day Server Cull of 2025. Darkest Days has settled into being a pretty fun, if unoriginal and slightly clunky, zombie survival sandbox. It's the fast-food burger version of State of Decay – not gourmet, clearly processed, but sometimes it just hits the spot. If you can forgive its mobile game quirks and its traumatic birth, there's definitely fun to be had smashing zombie skulls and building your little corner of the apocalypse. The taxi is finally earning its keep, even if the overall experience is still a bit 'meh' on the go.

Updated Score: ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ (4/5 stars – Upgraded from 'staring at a maintenance screen' to 'actually enjoying the zombie grind,' docking one star for the lingering mobile jank and the emotional scars of Day 1).

P.S. Devs, the game works now! Maybe next patch you can add turn signals to the taxi? Safety first, even in the apocalypse.

Fellow Nerf Herders, listen up! If you're a Star Wars fanatic like me, and the MMO itch just won't quit, then Star Wars: The Old Republic is your digital salvation. This ain't just a game, it's a freakin' time machine that transports you to a galaxy far, far away, long before those Skywalker whippersnappers were even a twinkle in the Force.

I've been roaming the galaxy since the days of Star Wars Galaxies. Yes, I was there when we all had to become dancers to make a quick buck. But when that galaxy went the way of the Death Star, I needed a new home. And boy, did BioWare deliver!

This ain't your typical MMO grindfest. Sure, you can raid till your fingers bleed and min-max your stats till your brain melts, but SWTOR is more than that. It's a story-driven RPG on a massive scale. BioWare, those masters of narrative, crafted eight unique class stories that are more engaging than a cantina full of Rodians arguing over the Kessel Run.

I've played through every single one, from the noble Jedi Knight to the cunning Sith Inquisitor. I've romanced companions, made tough choices that shaped my destiny, and felt like I was truly part of the Star Wars universe. And when I needed a break from saving the galaxy, I could always jump into a flashpoint with my buddies or explore the vast worlds with my trusty speeder.

Even after all these years, SWTOR still holds a special place in my heart. It's my sanctuary, my escape from the real world, my digital home away from home. And with new expansions and stories being added all the time, there's always a reason to come back.

Here's the deal:

Pros:

Engaging Storylines: Eight unique class stories that rival the best Star Wars novels.
Choices that Matter: Shape your destiny with meaningful decisions.
Voice Acting Galore: Every character is fully voiced, adding to the immersion.
A Galaxy of Content: Explore vast worlds, engage in epic battles, and craft your own legend.
Free-to-Play Friendly: You can experience a ton of content without spending a dime.
Cons:

Can feel a bit dated: The graphics aren't cutting-edge, but they still hold up.
Some repetitive content: Like any MMO, there's some grind involved.
Bottom line: If you're a Star Wars fan and you haven't tried SWTOR, you're doing yourself a disservice. It's a fantastic MMO that offers a truly immersive Star Wars experience. So grab your lightsaber, fire up your starship, and prepare to embark on an epic adventure.

May the Force be with you, always.

Listen up, Chummers! If you haven't played Grand Theft Auto V on PC yet, you're missing out on a digital masterpiece. This ain't just a game, it's a dang lifestyle! I've robbed more banks, caused more chaos, and seen more of Los Santos than most real-life tourists, and I ain't even scratched the surface of what this bad boy has to offer.

I've bought this game so many times, I should have Rockstar's logo tattooed on my backside. PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PC... heck, I even bought a potato just to see if I could run it (spoiler alert: I couldn't). But every time, it's like experiencing this masterpiece for the first time. It's that good.

First off, the graphics are crispier than a fresh stack of Benjamins. This ain't no potato-powered console port, my friends. We're talking 4K resolution, buttery-smooth frame rates, and enough visual fidelity to make your eyeballs pop out of your skull. I've spent hours just cruising around, admiring the sights and sounds of Los Santos, from the glitz and glamour of Vinewood to the gritty underbelly of Blaine County.

And the gameplay? Don't even get me started. Rockstar took everything that made GTA great and cranked it up to eleven. The shooting is tight, the driving is exhilarating, and the missions are more over-the-top than a Michael Bay movie. Whether you're pulling off daring heists, engaging in epic car chases, or just causing general mayhem, GTA V has got you covered.

But the real gem here is GTA Online. This ain't just some tacked-on multiplayer mode, folks. It's a whole dang world unto itself, with endless possibilities for fun and profit. I've spent countless hours building my criminal empire, racing supercars, and pulling off elaborate heists with my crew. And with new content being added all the time, there's always something fresh and exciting to do.

Here's the lowdown:

Pros:

Graphics that'll make your jaw drop: Los Santos has never looked so good.
Gameplay that's tighter than a drum: Shooting, driving, and everything in between feels fantastic.
A story mode that's longer than a Tolstoy novel: Three protagonists, tons of missions, and endless replayability.
GTA Online: The gift that keeps on giving: A massive online world with endless possibilities.
Mods, mods, and more mods: The PC community has created some truly insane mods.
Cons:

Can be a bit demanding on your rig: You'll need a beefy PC to run it at max settings.
Can be a bit overwhelming at first: There's a lot to take in, but it's worth it.
My wallet cries every time a new version comes out: But hey, who needs food when you can cause chaos in Los Santos?
Bottom line: If you're a fan of open-world games, action games, or just plain fun, you owe it to yourself to play Grand Theft Auto V on PC. It's a masterpiece of game design that'll keep you entertained for hundreds of hours. Just be prepared to lose a few nights of sleep in the process.

P.S. Don't forget to try out the first-person mode. It's a whole new way to experience Los Santos.

Holy smokes, Amazon! You actually did it! You took New World, that MMO we all loved to hate-watch, and turned it into something truly special! New World: Aeternum is an absolute masterpiece, a 10/10 experience that has me hooked like a fish on a line.

Remember those days of running endlessly between quests, feeling like a glorified marathon runner? Gone! Remember the clunky combat that made you feel like you were swinging a wet noodle at a brick wall? Vanished! Remember the bugs, oh dear Aeternum, the bugs? Exterminated!

This ain't your grandma's New World. This is a fresh, polished, action-packed adventure that feels like a completely different game. The combat is fluid and responsive, the world is vibrant and alive, and the quests are actually engaging (most of the time, anyway).

But the real kicker? The controller support. Oh sweet buttery Aeternum, the controller support! I can finally kick back on my couch, controller in hand, and explore this beautiful world without feeling like I'm wrestling a kraken. It's like playing a single-player action RPG, but with all the social goodness of an MMO.

Here's what I loved:

The revamped combat: It's like night and day compared to the original. Fluid, responsive, and oh-so-satisfying.
The gorgeous world: Aeternum is a visual treat, with stunning landscapes and detailed environments.
The engaging quests: Say goodbye to fetch quests and hello to meaningful storylines.
The controller support: A game changer for console players and couch potatoes like myself.
The community: The New World community is surprisingly friendly and helpful.
Here's what I didn't love:

Umm... I'm still looking. Maybe the occasional wonky quest, but that's nitpicking at this point.
If you're looking for a new MMO to sink your teeth into, look no further than New World: Aeternum. It's a truly amazing experience that has something for everyone. Whether you're a seasoned MMO veteran or a newcomer to the genre, you're sure to find something to love in this revitalized world.

P.S. To all the doubters out there, I say this: Give New World: Aeternum a chance. You might just be surprised at how much you enjoy it.

Holy moly, Rocksteady! You absolute mad lads! You took the concept of "goofy antiheroes fighting the Justice League" and cranked it up to 11 with Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League. This game is a hilarious, action-packed, open-world joyride that had me laughing my butt off from start to finish.

Sure, the story is a bit bonkers, but that's what makes it so much fun. Who wouldn't want to see Harley Quinn cracking wise while Deadshot puts a bullet in Superman's head? The voice acting is top-notch, the writing is witty, and the characters are all incredibly likable, even when they're being complete jerks.

The gameplay is a blast, too. Traversal is a breeze thanks to each character's unique abilities, and the combat is satisfyingly chaotic. I spent hours just messing around in the open world, causing mayhem and destruction. The only downside is that some of the missions can get a bit repetitive, but there's enough variety to keep things interesting.

Overall, Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League is a hilarious, action-packed, and surprisingly heartfelt game. If you're looking for a good laugh and some mindless fun, then this is the game for you. Just don't expect it to win any awards for innovation.

Here are some of the things I loved about the game:

The hilarious story and writing
The top-notch voice acting
The likable characters
The satisfying combat
The fun and expansive open world
Here are some of the things I didn't love about the game:

Some of the missions can be repetitive
The game can be a bit buggy at times
Overall, I would give Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League a 8/10. It's a great game that's worth checking out, especially if you can get it on sale. Just don't expect it to be the next Arkham Asylum.

P.S. If you're looking for a serious, story-driven game, then this is not the game for you. But if you're looking for a good laugh and some mindless fun, then you'll love Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League.

"NBA 2K25: A Love-Hate Slam Dunk (That'll Still Drain Your Wallet)"

Okay, folks, let's talk about NBA 2K25. This game is like that ex you just can't quit, even though they keep asking to borrow money and "forgetting" to pay you back. Yeah, the microtransactions are worse than a flagrant foul, but dang it, the gameplay is just so smooth.

Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. 2K25 is a love-hate relationship. On one hand, you've got the MyPLAYER mode, which is basically basketball role-playing at its finest. You create your own baller, grind your way to the top, and live out your NBA dreams (minus the million-dollar contracts, sadly). And then there's Eras, which lets you relive the glory days of basketball with classic teams and legendary players. It's like a time machine for hoops fans, and it's pure nostalgia gold.

But on the other hand, you've got those microtransactions lurking in the shadows like a shady sports agent. They're everywhere, tempting you to spend your hard-earned cash on virtual currency (VC) so you can upgrade your player and dominate the court. It's a slippery slope, my friends, and I've lost more money to this game than I care to admit. (Don't tell my wife.)

So, why do I keep coming back for more? Because when 2K25 is good, it's really good. The gameplay is tight, the graphics are slick, and the atmosphere is electric. When you're draining threes and breaking ankles, it's easy to forget about the predatory monetization. But then you remember you need to grind for hours or shell out more cash just to improve your player's free throw rating, and the frustration comes flooding back.

Here's the bottom line: If you're a die-hard basketball fan who can resist the siren song of microtransactions (or you have a trust fund), then NBA 2K25 is worth checking out. But for the rest of us mere mortals, I'd recommend waiting for a sale. Trust me, your wallet will thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go beg 2K for some free VC. Maybe if I write them a heartfelt poem about my love for the game... Nah, who am I kidding? They'll just tell me to open my wallet.

"Throne and Liberty: It's Free, But It Feels Like a Million Bucks (and I Didn't Even Have to Sell My Kidney!)"

Let's be honest, gamers. We've all been burned by "free-to-play" games that nickel-and-dime you at every turn. But hold onto your hats (and your wallets) because Throne and Liberty is here to break the mold! This ain't your typical cash-grab MMO. It's a sprawling, gorgeous world with quests that actually make you feel like you're part of something epic, not just another errand boy (or girl).

The overworld is a masterpiece. Seriously, I spent hours just wandering around, gawking at the scenery like a tourist with a selfie stick. Mountains that pierce the clouds, forests that whisper ancient secrets, and cities that bustle with life (and the occasional dragon attack, because why not?). And the graphics? Hoo boy, they're so crisp you could cut yourself on those character models.

Now, I'm not gonna lie, the story is... well, it's there. It's your classic "chosen one" narrative with enough twists and turns to keep you mildly interested. But let's be real, we're all here for the gameplay, right? And that's where Throne and Liberty shines brighter than a freshly polished sword.

The combat is fluid and satisfying, whether you're hacking and slashing your way through hordes of goblins or unleashing devastating magic on some poor unsuspecting troll. And the quests? Forget those "kill 10 rats" snoozefests. These quests actually have some thought put into them, with intriguing storylines and challenging objectives. I even found myself getting emotionally invested in some of the NPCs! (Don't judge me, they were going through a rough time.)

Now, here's the thing: I'm not a huge PvP guy. I prefer to leave the player-slaying to the more bloodthirsty among us. So, I was a bit disappointed by the lack of endgame PvE content. Hopefully, the devs will add more in the future because this game has serious potential to become a PvE paradise.

But even with that minor gripe, Throne and Liberty is an absolute gem. It's free, it's fun, and it's got enough content to keep you entertained for weeks (if not months). So, what are you waiting for? Download it, jump in, and prepare to lose yourself in a world of adventure! Just don't forget to come up for air every now and then. You know, basic human needs and all that.

Koei Tecmo, you sly dogs! You've managed to pull off the greatest bamboozle since Zhuge Liang faked out Sima Yi at the Battle of Wuzhang Plains. Dynasty Warriors 8: Xtreme Legends Complete Edition? More like Dynasty Warriors 8: Extremely Disappointing Edition!

I marched into this game expecting a glorious battlefield, a visual feast for my eyes, a symphony of steel and screams... instead, I got a pixelated mess that looks like it was teleported straight from the PlayStation 2 era. No ultrawide support? No 1440p? What is this, the Three Kingdoms period of gaming technology?

I swear, the character models look like they were sculpted from mashed potatoes, and the textures are blurrier than my vision after a night of drinking rice wine with Zhang Fei. The gameplay? Oh, it's the same old button-mashing, brain-dead hack-and-slash we've come to expect from the series. Fun for five minutes, then repetitive enough to make you wish you were back in the Yellow Turban Rebellion.

And don't even get me started on the "Complete Edition" nonsense. This is just a rehashed version of a game that's older than some of the historical figures it portrays. They slapped on a few extra costumes and called it a day. It's like trying to pass off a bowl of cold rice as a gourmet feast.

Here's the battlefield report:

Pros:

Nostalgia Trip: If you're desperate to relive the glory days of the PS2, this game will transport you back in time.
Good for a Laugh: The graphics are so bad, they're almost comical.
Cons:

Visuals from the Stone Age: Seriously, this game looks like it was made in the time of the Warring States period.
Repetitive Gameplay: Mash buttons, kill enemies, repeat. Thrilling.
"Complete Edition" is a Lie: Just a rehash of an old game with a few extra bells and whistles.
Felt Cheated: No ultrawide or 1440p support? Unacceptable in this day and age.
Bottom line: Dynasty Warriors 8: Xtreme Legends Complete Edition is a complete and utter disappointment. It's a lazy cash grab that preys on the nostalgia of longtime fans. Save your money and your sanity, and go play something else. Maybe try Romance of the Three Kingdoms XI instead. At least that game has some strategic depth.

Koei Tecmo, you have lost my trust. I shall now retreat to my tent and contemplate the fleeting nature of life.

My dearest Kassandra,

(Or Alexios, if that's your jam. No judgment here, misthios.)

Where do I even begin? 330 hours we've spent together, sailing the Aegean, battling mythical beasts, and uncovering the secrets of Ancient Greece. Our love story is one for the ages, a tale of epic battles, passionate romance, and more side quests than you can shake a spear at.

Remember that time we stormed the Acropolis, blades flashing in the sunlight? Or that steamy night in Athens, where we explored the true meaning of the phrase "Spartan kick"? (Okay, maybe we won't go into too much detail there.)

Assassin's Creed Odyssey, you've stolen my heart like a skilled mercenary pilfering drachmae from a drunken Athenian. You're more than just a game; you're a sprawling open world of adventure, a historical playground where I can live out my wildest fantasies. I've climbed mountains taller than Mount Olympus, battled creatures straight out of mythology, and seduced half the population of Greece (sorry, not sorry).

And the DLC! Oh, the glorious DLC! I've journeyed to the underworld, fought alongside the legendary First Civilization, and even delved into the lost city of Atlantis. (Seriously, how is there still more to do?!)

Here's why our love will stand the test of time:

Pros:

A World That Beckons: Ancient Greece is breathtakingly beautiful, from the sun-drenched beaches to the snow-capped mountains.
Choice-Driven Narrative: My choices actually mattered! I felt like I was shaping my own destiny.
Combat That Flows Like Wine: The combat is fluid and visceral, with a satisfying crunch to every hit.
Romance Options That Sizzle: From Athenian poets to Spartan warriors, there's a love interest for everyone. (Even a cyclops, if you're into that sort of thing.)
Content That Never Ends: Seriously, I've put in 330 hours and I'm still discovering new things.
Cons:

My Social Life Has Crumbled: Who needs friends when you have Ancient Greece?
Sleep? What's Sleep?: Just one more quest... one more location... one more romance...
My love, Assassin's Creed Odyssey, you're the greatest adventure I've ever had. You're the reason I haven't done laundry in weeks, the reason my fridge is empty, and the reason I can now speak fluent Ancient Greek (okay, maybe not that last one).

If you're reading this and haven't experienced the magic of Odyssey, what are you waiting for? Go forth, misthios, and claim your destiny!

Yours eternally,

A Hopelessly Devoted Fan

CD Projekt Red,

You magnificent bastards. You conned me. You bamboozled me. You sold me a lemon wrapped in chrome and neon, and I, like a fool, fell for it. 150 hours I wasted in Night City, 150 hours of my life I'll never get back, thanks to your buggy, broken mess of a game.

Cyberpunk 2077, you were supposed to be my digital escape, my neon-drenched playground, my chance to live out my cyberpunk fantasies. Instead, you were a constant source of frustration, a digital minefield of glitches and crashes.

I've fallen through the map more times than I can count. I've seen NPCs T-pose like they're auditioning for a low-budget sci-fi movie. I've had quests break so badly, I thought I'd have to call in a netrunner to fix them. And the crashes? Don't even get me started. I've lost more progress to those damn crashes than I care to admit.

I thought my rig was the problem. I upgraded my graphics card, I added more RAM, I even sacrificed a goat to the cyber gods (don't judge me). But nothing worked. Cyberpunk 2077, you were determined to crash and burn, no matter what I did.

And the worst part? I actually enjoyed the game when it wasn't glitching out. The story, the characters, the world... it all had so much potential. But the bugs, oh the bugs, they ruined everything. It's like ordering a gourmet meal and finding a cockroach in your soup.

So, CD Projekt Red, I say this to you: shame on you. You hyped this game to the moon and back, and you delivered a buggy, broken mess. You broke my heart, you wasted my time, and you made me question my sanity.

I'm done with you, Cyberpunk 2077. I'm uninstalling you, I'm deleting your save files, and I'm never looking back. I'm going back to Night City, but this time, I'm playing Shadowrun. At least that game knows how to handle cyberpunk without crashing every five minutes.

Sincerely,

A Disgruntled (and Slightly Traumatized) Gamer