Let me tell you something, folks: the steak may get all the glory, but a meal isn’t made by the main event alone. No, no, no. A great steak demands an equally great side dish—something simple, dependable, yet capable of stealing a little of the spotlight. That’s where the baked potato comes in.

Now, this isn’t just any baked potato. Oh no, this is the baked potato—a George Costanza-level baked potato. A potato so perfectly prepared it will have your guests saying, “The steak was fine, but my God, that potato!”

The Ingredients (Keep it Simple, Keep it Classic)
Here’s what you’ll need:

Russet potatoes (big, sturdy, the steak of potatoes)
Olive oil (because butter at this stage is premature—trust me, it has its moment)
Kosher salt (don’t skimp, this is the potato’s armor)
Black pepper
Toppings galore (we’ll get into this later—pace yourself)
The Method
Pick the Right Potato
You can’t just grab any old spud. No, you need a Russet—nature’s baked potato gift to humanity. They’re starchy, fluffy, and practically scream, “Cover me in sour cream!”

Prep Like a Pro
Wash your potatoes. Scrub them like you’re trying to get out a stain that would embarrass you if someone saw it. You want clean skins because we’re eating those later.

Oil & Salt
Pat the potatoes dry and rub them with olive oil. Not a drizzle, not a splash—we’re talking a massage. Then comes the salt. Don’t just sprinkle it; coat that potato like it owes you money. This is what creates that crispy, salty skin that’s almost better than the potato itself.

Bake It Right
Preheat your oven to 425°F. No shortcuts. Put those bad boys directly on the oven rack—don’t trap them on a baking sheet where they’ll steam instead of crisp. Bake for about an hour. You’ll know they’re ready when you can stick a fork in with zero resistance.

The Finishing Touch
Pull them out and let them cool for just a minute. Don’t cut them open yet—you’ve got to let them think about their destiny.

The Art of Topping
This is where you shine. The steak may be sizzling nearby, but it’s the toppings that make the potato a contender. Here’s how I build mine:

Butter First – A big pat. It melts into all the cracks. You’ll thank me.
Sour Cream – Generously. Life is short.
Cheddar Cheese – Shredded and sharp. None of this mild nonsense.
Bacon Bits – Not those weird crumbles in a jar. Real, crispy bacon.
Chives or Green Onions – For a little bite and color. Adds a touch of class, like cufflinks for your potato.
Salt & Pepper – You think it’s seasoned enough? It’s not. Hit it again.
Pairing with the Steak
A potato like this doesn’t just sit on the plate. It compliments the steak. The crispy, salty skin works as a foil to the juicy richness of the beef, while the fluffy inside soaks up every last drop of steak juice. And the toppings? They’re the culinary equivalent of a great supporting actor—essential, but never upstaging.

Final Thoughts
Look, I know a steak dinner is a power move. It’s about strength, confidence, and maybe a little bit of showing off. But if you really want to seal the deal—whether it’s with a date, your in-laws, or your own sense of self-respect—you need this baked potato.

So fire up that oven, rub those spuds, and remember: a great steak may win you applause, but a perfect baked potato will win hearts.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a steak and a potato that’s currently cooling on my counter.

Title: How to Hit the Griddy: A George Costanza Survival Guide to Dance Moves

Alright, let’s get something straight—I’m no dancer. My moves? Let’s just say they’ve been described as “innovative” and “a danger to nearby furniture.” But every now and then, society demands you step up. Maybe you’re at a wedding, maybe your team scored a touchdown, or maybe you’re just trying to impress a crowd at Monk’s Café. Enter: the Griddy.

Now, the Griddy is not your typical awkward side-to-side shuffle. No, no. It’s got swag, confidence, and a rhythm that says, “I know I look ridiculous, and I don’t care.” In other words, it’s the perfect dance for a guy like me.

Step 1: The Stance
First things first—get into position. Bend your knees slightly, stay loose, and keep your weight on the balls of your feet. Think of it like you’re trying to dodge someone asking for a favor. You’re light, ready to move, and definitely not sticking around.

Step 2: The Arm Motion
Your arms? They’re the secret sauce. Raise them up to about chest level and start alternating fists like you’re holding invisible handlebars on a very tiny bike. Keep the movement smooth—no jerky motions! Imagine you’re gliding through a crowd, not flailing for a taxi in Manhattan traffic.

Step 3: The Footwork
Ah, the feet. Here’s where the magic happens. Start hopping lightly from one foot to the other, heel-tapping with every step. Tap your right heel, then your left, and keep it going. It’s like walking, but cooler. Way cooler. If this feels unnatural, just think, “Would this embarrass Elaine?” If the answer is yes, you’re doing it right.

Step 4: Add the Swagger
Here’s the thing about the Griddy—it’s not just the moves, it’s the attitude. You’ve got to sell it. Add a little head nod, a smirk, maybe even a quick glance around the room like, “Yeah, I’m doing this. Deal with it.” Confidence is key. Even if you look like a complete fool, you have to own it.

Step 5: The Eye-Wipe (Optional, but Iconic)
For the finishing touch, swipe your hand across your eyes like you’re clearing away invisible sweat. Why? I don’t know. It’s just what you do. It’s like the cherry on top of this dance sundae.

Final Thoughts
The Griddy is not just a dance; it’s a statement. It says, “I know life is absurd, but I’m here to have fun.” Sure, I may look ridiculous doing it, but that’s kind of the point. The Griddy is about embracing the chaos and just going with it—something I’ve had a lifetime of practice doing.

So go on, give it a try. Will it be graceful? Probably not. But will you make people laugh, cheer, and maybe even respect your audacity? Absolutely.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to practice in front of the mirror until I nail this thing.