Recent reviews by Pato 99+

get friend
gift friend game
play game
argue for 2 minutes on why you're not imposter
you're imposter
lose friend
get other friend
11/10

Was doing great. The little town of Aviono, 20k food, 78 adults, around 12 children, and 15 years in. When the 16th year came around, it all went to hell. A fire started, burning one of the three storage barns stocked with food. I tried to get my little people to fight the fire with the wells nearby. They failed miserably and the other two barns caught fire, (this is about the time I realized putting all my food storages close together was a mistake).
The fire started to spread to the wooden houses nearby, so I paused the game and looked up how to fight the damn fire. I figured out prioritizing the fire would help, so I did it and it did the trick. After the fire was put out, I checked out the damage. All my food gone and 5-6 houses destroyed. I knew my first priority should be to get my food back up to support my ever growing population of little people.

This is where I realised I had made another mistake. Over 70% of my food was coming from potato farms, and guess what? All of my farms were right next to each other and an infestation started. Farm after farm were getting infected and loosing crops and I had no idea how to stop it. (I'm not one to go back and load and earlier save) So I paused it and looked it up, I couldn't find out how to stop it this time and I let it run it's course. Now the starvation began, and the graveyard began to fill up with little people's grave stones. It was too late to plant crops to get enough food to feed them all, so I basically gave up and watched everyone die a horrible death. I closed my eyes, mourning the loss of the little people that I had led around for so long.

Then...I opened my eyes. I had three people still living! One 19 year old male and one 22 year old mother with her 6 year old male child. I had another chance to fix the broken city and save Aviono. This female was my last hope, unless I could get her with a female child, all was lost. So I set them to work tearing down the now unoccupied houses of the original Aviono, since I was almost completely out of materials. I got them to live close to eachother and waited paitently untill....success! A female child was born.

Life was good again. I set my new couple to tearing down everything not needed for materials and the future growth or Aviono. In the end, I had two stone houses, one of every type of resource production buildings, a town hall, and a cemetery (to remind me of the past mistakes). I got my population back up to 16 little people, and I sat back and sighed with relief. I had saved a town.
Then I realised that the new towns folk were all inbred children from the three survivors....

POSTED: 7 DECEMBER, 2020
- DIFFICULTY -

🔲 Easy
☑️ Hey Niko! Its Roman, lets go bowling!
🔲 Normal
🔲 Hard
🔲 Very Hard

- GRAPHICS -

🔲 Bad
☑️ Bowling Graphics
🔲 Graphics don't matter in this game
🔲 Good
🔲 Beautiful
🔲 Masterpiece

- MUSIC -

🔲 Bad
🔲 Not special
☑️ Bowling Music
🔲 Beautiful

- STORY -

🔲 This game has no story
🔲 Like playing "Temple Runners" for the story
🔲 It's there for the people who want it
🔲 Well written
☑️ This game about bowling

- PRICE -

🔲 Free
🔲 Underpriced
🔲 Perfect price
☑️ Game price costs 1 bowling match in real life
🔲 Overpriced
🔲 Complete waste of money

- REQUIREMENTS -

🔲 You can run it on a microwave
🔲 Average
☑️ Need bowling ball
🔲 Good PC

- LENGTH -

☑️ Bowling time (30-15 minutes) (10 frames)
🔲 Short (3 - 15 hours)
🔲 Average (15 - 50 hours)
🔲 Long (50 - 90 hours)
🔲 Extremely long (90 - 110 hours)
🔲 No ending

- FUN -

🔲 I'd rather watch paint dry
🔲 Hard to enjoy
🔲 Repetitive
🔲 Actually pretty amusing
☑️ Bowling Fun and Adrenaline

- REPLAYABILITY -

🔲 It's a one - time experience
🔲 Only for achievements
🔲 If you wait a few months / years
🔲 Definitely
☑️ Only with cousin Roman on bowling alley

- WORTH BUYING -

🔲 No
🔲 Wait for sale
☑️ For bowling, YES!

Every kill is skill, every death is hackers.

How to lose your friends 101

Step 1. Download this game.
Step 2. Launch it and invite your friends.
Step 3. Play a few rounds with your friends.
Step 4. Watch your bank account grow as your friends pay rents.
Step 5. Watch them earthquake your citys.
Step 6. Return the favour.
Step 7. Pray lady luck is with you.
Step 8. Go out and re-buy citys.
Step 9. Regret buying citys you brought.
Step 10. Land on every single square that belongs to your friends.
Step 11. Sell everything you had.
Step 12. Go almost bankrupt.
Step 13. Witness your friends trying to murrder each other over small things.
Step 14. Witness one of them rage quit
Step 15. Join the one that rage quit.
Step 16. Unfriend anyone who played this game
Step 17. Delete this game.
Step 18. Don't log onto steam for 2 days.
Step 19. Re-add your friends after you cooled off
Step 20. Be best friends again.
Step 21. Play this again because there is nothing else to do.
Step 22. Rinse and repeat

Other than that 10/10, Nice Monopoly take, loving it.

If you have friends, this is a great game to play with them.
If you don't have any friends, this is a great game to play alone.
If you don't have the game to play, get the money for it.
If you don't have the money for it, get a job.
If you don't have a job, rob the bank.
If you get arrested robbing the bank, at least you tried.
Its on 9GAG http://9gag.com/gag/agqG7jn/15-steam-reviews-that-are-hilariously-honest 7th review.
Thanks guys!

Buying a new Call of Duty game is like going back to an abusive ex who swears they changed.

© random dude on fb

My people complained because taxes were too high, so I placed the water pumping station right next to the water drain pipe so they were forced to drink their own urine and feces. Within minutes, 97% of the water was contaminated with their own poop and hospitals began to flood with sick people. I couldn't let that happen, so I bulldozed every medical clinic and hospital and replaced them with cemetaries so the citizens knew exactly what their future looked like. While more and more people got sick, the population continued to decrease by the thousands. It took no more than fifteen minutes before every citizen was dead. Every citizen except for one. While everyone else was in bed waiting to die, there was one lone garbage truck driver who was determined to do his duty to his country. He pushed through the sickness and feces and continued to collect trash from the empty houses. That man operating the garbage truck is a true hero. Even through the apocalypse, he continued to fight for this country and show the world he is truly the greatest garbage truck driver that ever lived. Shortly after, he drowned in his own ♥♥♥♥. RIP in peace Squidney Saxton, garbage man, 2015-2015.
On the bright side, my traffic problem went away.

Mr. Angelo?
Uhh... Yes?
Mr. Salieri sends his remake.

I only played it for a little bit. It's ok I guess :)