My name is Cezary Baryka, and for the past 20 minutes, I've been the owner of this glass house. I'm slowly starting to regret buying it; at night it’s freezing, during the day it’s stifling, zero ventilation, and no sewage system makes it all worse. It reeks, to be honest. Sigh... I lied... I didn’t buy this dump; I won it in a card game from my father.

“CEZARY, CEZARY, CEZARY... Have mercy, you threw your father out of his own house!”
“Dude, you lost fair and square in makao.”
“DRUNKEN GAMES DON’T COUNT!”
“I wasn’t drinking.”
“But I drank for the both of us. May the earth be light upon me...”
Truth is, my father’s gone... Maybe it’s the heat messing with my senses... Or is it the vodka?
“YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T DRINK.”
“MOTHER, I was only joking...”
“Oh, Cezary, you have no shame... A half-liter bottle for a big guy like you is nothing. If your father were alive, he’d show you how to drink properly!”

MEANWHILE OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
=POLICE= - “MR. ŻEROMSKI, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP; WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE; we can see everything through the walls...”
“He can’t hear anything through the glass, plus he’s three sheets to the wind, and it’s a glass house – CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW HOT IT IS IN THERE? It’s probably doubled him over.”
“Mmmm... Czech sauna. Better call an ambulance, just in case.”

At a bar on a ferry, I met a lovely girl, and I tried my best line on her:
“HEY GIRL... give me a hundred percent...”
Before I knew it, it was all over.
“Did he mess things up again?”
The fling quickly turned into a steady relationship.
“Cezary, I’m pregnant.”
And with relationships come serious decisions...
“COME ONNN... just end it...”
“How can I end it? The eggs are already laid in the coop!”

I couldn’t take it... and then it happened...
“WAAAH, how could you hit me? Me... the mother of your chicks...”
“You asked for it, THAT’S WHY YOU GOT HIT FIRST. Promiscuous... giving it to just anyone on the ferry...”
“He’s crying again?”

The ambulance arrives.
=Doctor= - “What do we have here? Oh, great... if you’d mentioned it was a Czech sauna, I’d have brought my pen to sign the death certificate... but there’s nothing I can do now.”
“We’re sorry, Mrs. Żeromska; you heard the doctor. There’s nothing more for us to do.”
“GENTLEMEN, he has to make it out alive. I signed a prenup.”

Together with Mowgli, Bagheera the Panther, and Baloo the bear, I blew through all my money in Las Vegas.
“FAREWELL, my friends...”
“Farewell, Baryka...”
“I’ll miss you all...”
“OH SHOOT, DID HE JUST TRY TO SHOOT US?”

The heat did its job, and the vodka kicked in. Ahh... Czech sauna, maybe I’ll think about getting one when I retire.
“GENTLEMEN, let’s just hide in the rocket; he’s on his scooter.”

The bar is raised one level higher, the wind blows dangerously under his skis, BUT... that won’t scare young Mazoch. The Slovak flag raised above the coach’s head, with Dąbrowski’s Mazurka in his mind... AND HE LAUNCHES!!!
“Well... that’s it for him.”

“One moment, dear friends. What if, hypothetically, it’s not Mr. Żeromski, but one of us in the Czech sauna, and this is all just a drunken hallucination? It’s so hot in here... Jacek? ... Mrs. Żeromska?... Wait a minute...”