My boyfriend is a chef so sometimes I like to get a salad and sometimes I want something savory.

I have a special recipe for steak and potato wedges.

2) I LOVE milkshakes.

And I mean love love.

I was one of those kids that always asked my mom for a milkshake.

She would always say no so then I started making them at home.

We have a chocolately malt shop near where I live that we love to go to.

They have a delicious chocolate malt that is to die for!

So good.

3) I am a total news junkie.

Like I watch the local news.

I'll even watch the 11PM news.

I can't sit still.

I can't eat.

I'm just a huge bundle of nerves and adrenaline.

4) In my current situation, I feel like I'm keeping people's life history in the palm of my hand.

What this one means is that I have the capability to remember everything about anyone's life.

I'm in the "people watching" stage of life.

I guess my brain has turned on "spotter" and "recorder".

This means I remember details of your lives.

Your children were born the same month my children were born.

Your children grew up and you moved to a new house.

I write you an email.

And I complain about the reality of your life.

I am insecure about how much of you I have lost over the last ten years.

I want to make sure I don't hurt you.

My children won't remember you, I tell myself.

I tell myself you will be forever just someone you used to know.

I want to make sure I don't hurt you.

My children won't remember you, I tell myself.

I tell myself you will be forever just someone you used to know.

I tell myself you are going to leave soon.

Just like everyone else.

I tell myself you will be gone.

I tell myself these are lies.

I just want to feel anything.

I want you to leave.

I want to never see you again.

And when I lie awake at night imagining that you are asleep in my bed I want you to call me and ask me what you have done.

I want you to tell me you want to be with me.

I want you to tell me you are still in love with me.

I want you to tell me you want to see me.

And I want you to tell me you will not try to contact me again."

I tried not to cry, but tears started rolling down my cheeks.

I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

He deserved everything I was dishing out.

"I told you before.

You don't own me.

You never have and you never will."

I snorted.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm not an idiot.

I know that you were in love with Hannah, but I don't think she could tell.

She loved you so much.

And the fact that you never treated her well, but took care of her in her time of need, I think she knew.

Not in words, but in actions.

You really are a decent human being, Jaxon."