🖥️ PC Specs (aka: “The Disaster Engine”)

CPU: Intel iCry-5 404 Edition – Starts fast, then immediately regrets it.

GPU: NVIDIA GTX 960 (Ti-red) – Designed for slideshows, not games.

RAM: 8GB of Wish.com Vengeance – One stick is upside down, but it still works… somehow.

Storage: 256GB SSD (full since 2017) + Ancient 500GB HDD that sounds like a microwave on crack.

Motherboard: MSI “Please Don’t Touch Me” Edition – Randomly forgets what USB is.

Cooling: Stock fan + 1 desk fan pointed at the case.

Case: Open air concept (because the side panel fell off in 2020).

Power Supply: Unbranded 400W “Boom or Bust” special from the dark web.

Monitor: Generic 60Hz 720p TV from your uncle’s garage. Still has burn-in from VHS.

Keyboard: RGB ON – but half the keys stick.

Mouse: Double-clicks when scared.

Headset: Mic picks up thoughts from another dimension.

🔥 Bonus Features:

Boots up slower than your grandma’s Nokia.

Sounds like a jet engine when opening Discord.

Glows like a spaceship, runs like a potato.

Crashes if you look at it funny.

Can't run Minesweeper at 60 FPS.

Fortnite? Only if you like playing in PowerPoint mode.

💀 How It Performs in Games:

CS:GO: 12 FPS. Enemy moves, you see it 3 seconds later.

Valorant: System crashes when someone ults.

GTA V: Plays fine… if you only drive in reverse.

Call of Duty: You’re basically a loot box for other players.

Minecraft: Works, but only on Peaceful mode. In 480p.

Roblox: Thermals hit 95°C just opening the launcher.

🌟 Fictional Origin Story:

Born in a lag spike. Raised by bots. Trained in the sacred arts of misclicking.
NoobMasterZeroIQ was prophesied to be the chosen one…
...but misread the prophecy and tripped on his way in.

Here's My Crosshair - specially made for deranking
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