We all know Claude is hot and bends people's sexual preferences like the blacksmith bends molten metal, but the subject has been beaten to death. Claude gives off major "not interested, just a flirt" vibes anyways, he's the guy your friends tell you is a player but you end up way more committed than he is and then he leaves you right when you're ready to tie the knot. No, he's not the Fire Emblem: Three Houses for Nintendo Switch Man you REALLY want.

You want a man that must be protected from the world, you want a man who will murder your enemies, you want a man who can do BOTH. You want a man with a sexy glare, who pushes you away but desperately wants you near. You want to find him in front of rubble at a Cathedral at dusk and he says, in his sexy edgy tortured soul voice, "Go away," but you stay and run around him twenty-four times because his model is so sexy. His snatched waist, the tight black leather armor, the fur cape, the hair in his eyes, the sexual tension in the air.

He's such a tall refreshing glass of water, you have to change the camera angle so that you can look up at his sexy tall face. Tell me, who is looking for the pope when your lust-goggles say heaven is right there in front of you? You ever wonder why when you invite him to tea it's in your room? Because the game developers know you want whatever happens in there to be private. They know you want to experience the motion of the ocean with that sexy one-eyed pirate king. Why do you think you can recruit the most people in BL? Because everyone in that game knows how hot Dimitri is. "Sorry Claude, I know we're best friends but Dimitri is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hot!" - Hilda, packing up her pink accessorized pencil case in the Golden Deer classroom.

You can have the romantic moment in the rain where you help the bad boy be good again. You can have a man who can solo every map in 1 turn. You can have the self inset fanfic and gush about him in a reddit post. You can have everything. Open your third eye, align your chakras and S-support Dimitri today, F!Byleth's hideous outfit be damned. Be with the man you are meant to be with and cut off Edelgard's ♥♥♥♥♥♥ head. She didn't deserve the dagger anyways.