He wakes up silently. You might ask how someone wakes up not silently. Nightmares you idiot. This is a story of a loser. This loser has nightmares. But hey, today he didn’t have one.

“Wait, my alarm hasn’t gone off, what time is it?”

His room is dark because the shades are pulled. He can see some light on the edges. It must be some time after sunrise. Unfortunately that doesn’t really help at all. He checks his alarm clock across the room.

“Idiot.”

His alarm is turned around so you can’t see the time. Measuring time just seemed to be arbitrary, and frankly, he was an arbitrary guy. Well looks like he’s going to have to sit up and grab his phone.

Commitment. You know, if he gets up right now who knows what’ll happen. Maybe he’ll have a good day. Where she notices him. Maybe he’ll talk to her. Maybe she’ll come over and talk to him. Hmm, wouldn’t that be nice? But really, a girl taking the initiative? Well we could just stop the heartbreak right here. Probably shouldn’t risk it at the very least. He didn’t have any plans today anyway. So really the only person telling him to get up is no one.

Now this “no one” does a bunch of stuff. You know they finish off the last of the milk. They don’t take out the garbage, they just push down all the trash a little farther. A little more compactness never hurt anyone. Well except that “world’s shortest guy”, I bet he hates “compactness”. I bet he wishes every day to be normal. Because when you’re normal no one knows who you are.

How about we just not even get up. No one will care. Being a loser has its advantages, you get to do nothing, you get to do no one as well if you know what I’m saying. That’s a risk we’re going to have take. Remember when you tried to kiss that girl? I mean she was nice to look at but actually putting your mouth on her mouth. That was so gross dude. You know I’ve heard that if the person is right it’s like fireworks. Not like I would know anything about that, or fireworks really. Those are way too dangerous. It’d be pretty dangerous too if you found a girl that you actually wanted to kiss because we both know she wouldn’t want to kiss you. ♥♥♥♥ no. You’d get your hopes up. And you know, if you actually liked her, that means she’s pretty nice. She might even agree to a date or two. You’d have to talk to her, relate to her. Empathize with her, we’re just talking crazy right now. Back to reality kid.

Sleep.

He wakes back up to his alarm. Oh god this alarm app is so annoying. Math problems, more specifically multiplication and division, are too hard at 10am. Well not really, if he had gotten up when he woke up I’m sure he’d ace the daily math quiz.

Ah, what to do today. Well you could masturbate then eat breakfast or eat breakfast and then masturbate. Now I don’t want to get too carried away but really, we could go downstairs grab something portable and masturbate while eating breakfast. A bit kinky I know but it’s not like anyone will know. Just me, and them too. They won’t tell anyone, I’m sure everyone one of you has wanted to eat a juicy burger or some refreshing ice cream while getting ♥♥♥♥♥♥. I’m not crazy. You’re not either. You sexy beast.

“I think I’ll start off with food. Food is good.”

Well sometimes champ, sometimes not. Sometimes food is ♥♥♥♥. You’re ♥♥♥♥ too. Too mean? ♥♥♥♥ you.

He waltz’s down the stairs, every step caressing his perfect feet a little more. He finds some lovingly made pancakes, someone forgot to put them away. Well he knows who the someone is but let’s not get carried away with that. We’ve got a ♥♥♥♥ to rub back in our room. Upstairs he finds his door open.

Mystery. Or really, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ made drama because there is no story. Just a sad little man forgetting he didn’t close his door.

“Did I leave it open? Or did someone come in… ♥♥♥♥ I don’t remember.”

Yeah we know you’re an idiot already. No need to force it champ.