Recent reviews by Akimbomon

A fine action game with goretastic, horror-themed enemies, tight 3rd-person shooting, and some of the greatest reaction command inputs I've ever seen (I'm sure they exist, but I can't think of too many non WWE games where you get to suplex enemies). It's like playing a zombie movie directed by John Woo.

Wait, why is this listed as a Resident Evil game?

Listen up everyone! My totally real D-Cup Goth Girlfriend who used to work at Gearbox just told me a super cool development secret! Here it is:

"Early in the alpha, there was a Legendary Shield called "Plot Armor" and a Legendary Artifact called "Idiot Ball" that were intended to be exclusive drops from Tyreen. The Shield had +10000000% Capacity and The Artifact debuffed the intelligence of anyone within 50 meters of you by -70000000%. Only problem, they glitched out on player characters and would cause them to not spawn into the world so the items had to be deleted from the game. Unfortuantly, the art department made those Legendaries intergral parts of Tyreen's character model so the best we could do short of re-doing Tyreen's model and re-finalizing the data with said new model (wasting years of work) was make it so that the effects were only active during cutscenes and then let the writers handle it from there."

>Be me
>Be lowly intern at some biotech company
>Be schmoozing senior researchers for their LinkedIn information
>Hear screaming and shouting outside
>Boss tells me it's the nearby environmentalist nudist camp
>He tosses me a SCAR-17 and asks if I've ever "played Fortnite or some ♥♥♥♥"
>"Boss, where is *this* in my job description"
>"Other duties as assigned, now get to work! If you need more ammo or gear, ask Yvette to 3D print you something"
>Go outside
>Get swarmed by angry naked men
>"I'm not getting paid enough for this"
>Somehow start getting dosh for everyone I shoot
>Ask Yvette to print me a Stoner 63
>Get swarmed by extra thicc angry naked men
>Get swarmed by extra swole angry naked men
>Somehow survive to fight this old shirtless german guy
>Boss shouts from his office "That jerkhead stole my lunch for 3 months straight at my old job! You kill him Fedora, I'm lining you up a job after this!"
>Heckyeah.jpg

After all that nonsense, I went home and unwound with a few hours of Killing Floor 2. It's a pretty good game.

Protip: contrary to what this awesome anime heroine may demonstrate, you CANNOT give a lecture on Moral Philosophy while wearing a suit made of stuffed Moogle dolls and expect people to take you seriously. Yes, even if you have the gravitas of a Tom Clancy protagonist mixed with the emotional range of an Elcor from Mass Effect.

Source: I showed up to my Thesis Defense wearing a replica of the Moogle Queen garb while doing my best Bran Stark impersonation and they still laughed me out of the room.

A bunch of really greedy clowns with terrible luck at when it comes to power tools discover a conspiracy that makes Dan Brown, National Treasure, the Moon Landings, and the 2013 Superbowl Blackout look like you when it came to your elementary school crush.

Pop quiz! What's the deadliest weapon system in this game?
A: The Mk249 Light Machine Gun modified for maximum stability?
B: The tri-rotor drone equipped with explosive charges?
C: The SCAR-H Battle Rifle with an underslung grenade launcher?
D: The Desert Tech HTI with explosive rounds?

None of them, it's the 1982 Honda Civic belonging to some Bolivian coffee farmer. Don't believe me? Ask the 523 sicarios and the 107 UNIDAD troopers with tire marks all over their faces.

One-eyed balloon artist and his half-dressed girlfriend make soviet soldiers and afrikaaner mercenaries very, very sad. Along the way, a bratty half-pint steals his adoptive father's car, causing an international incident.

A heavily underrated shooter. Sure, the port is on the sloppy side and the game itself isn't terribly long, but the mechanics are functional, the levels are challenging (especially since squad trust can be gained or lost based on how well you do in battle ), and the story is like playing a manga. A Well Written manga as well. Y'know, the ones that don't need lolis to keep your attention because they're just that good?

Yes, I got this game for free, but I'd have happily put down a couple bucks for it.

After saving America by reenacting the ending to Armageddon, I entered the matrix, led the Burch clan on an anti-alien crusade, flew a spaceship while nude, drove a tank with a ♥♥♥♥ for a main cannon, fought a giant energy drink named Paul, all as a superpowered emo Hatsune Miku with a french accent who happened to be President of the United States.

#EMOMIKU2016

Once upon a time, I saw an episode of Ed, Edd, and Eddy where Rolf declared: LIFE HAS MANY DOORS!! I never gave that quote from the son of a shepherd much thought until I played this game...

10 of life's many doors out of 10. Would be philosophically enlightened again.