TeamToy

So today I had the great idea based on the notion of "since shampoo feels soft in my hands/hair, maybe it would feel good on my ♥♥♥♥?" So I took a whole bunch in my hand, and rubbed it all over. It felt good at first too, basically what you would imagine it to feel like.



Then I got the great idea of sticking it in the shampoo bottle.



With some effort (not to flex but my ♥♥♥♥ is pretty wide) I managed to get it in there completely. This was not a good idea. First of all, I couldn't even move it around cuz it was super tight. Like there was so much friction, it was stuck. And I couldn't move it out either. I started to panic. I looked like a complete idiot, my entire penis encased by this huge bottle. I tried jumping up and down, pulling it off with my hands, then my feet, it was such an ordeal.



The entire time, my ♥♥♥♥ was floating around in shampoo-y substances, which wasn't a problem at first. Until it started ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BURNING.



HOLY HELL I cannot accurately describe the pain of having a burning schlong. It was this icy-fire feeling, that kept throbbing continuously. I could barely stop myself from screaming. Tears and all, I was a mess.



At this point I would do anything to get it off. So I figured out a plan, dried myself, put on my biggest pair of pants (some flannel) to hide the giant-ass shampoo bottle and a t-shirt so I could get some butter from the fridge. So as I'm making my way to the fridge, MY MOM tells me to come up to her room to "talk about my academic failure,"



I sat through 20 minutes of her talking ♥♥♥♥ about me with a freezing-burning penis. After that ♥♥♥♥-show, I tried running back to my room. I was sweating, crying, and couldn't hold my own weight. I fell down on my knees and crawled the rest of the way to my room with my melted butter stick.



To shorten a long process, I rubbed some butter over the lid, and after a while, the bottle popped off to reveal my burning-red manhood.



As i'm writing this, my ♥♥♥♥ still hasn't fully healed, and I think I ripped the skin, which means no more masturbating for a while



Lesson: Never, EVER, stick your ♥♥♥♥ in a shampoo bottle.