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Small talk in Steam Chat

By Holar

How do I start to build a strong relationship to my Steam friends! This is a topic that I think is important, especially if you haven't mastered it yet. I would like to introduce a few things about small talk especially in (a) chat. What is small talk, why is it important and good, and why should you "take the time" to do it and to get the very best (of communication) out of your friends list (no matter how long it is) on Steam.

Let's go... and don't forget: Lions Always Avoid Picky Eaters Arms! 😅🦁

(Small hint: The guide has become longer (while writing) than expected - a reading time of 15 minutes should be planned)

Notice: I tried to use my best English which is within my abilities, at the same time of course I used a translator and then modified the text itself to make it sound more fluent - with some words, like " conversational partner" I repeat myself really often.... give me a little forgiving :) Thanks and enjoy reading

Award

Created by

Holar
Offline

Category: Achievements, Characters, Classes, Co-op, Gameplay Basics, Multiplayer, Secrets, Walkthroughs, Workshop

Languages: English

Posted

23 May, 2023 @ 6:15pm

90	Unique Visitors
4	Current Favorites

Guide Index

Overview

Definition from Oxford Languages

What is small talk (in general) and what is it good for?

But does small talk work in a chat? Really?

Are there any established rules, or do I have to consider anything?

But what kind of topics should I take? Where do I start, how do I find a good topic?

But how do I find a topic that interests the person I'm talking to?

Well, all these tips also apply to small talk in general, are there any advice that I should pay special attention to in a chat?

Final words

Helpful sites that are good to use for "international" chats

Comments

Definition from Oxford Languages

Small talk: "polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions" Oxford Languages/Google

This is a revised and now also illustrated version of the original. Here you can find the source of this guide, my "Original guide" in German:
https://steamproxy.net/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2927979925

What is small talk (in general) and what is it good for?

Small talk is a type of conversation that relates to harmless and general topics, with the aim of creating a pleasant atmosphere and promoting communication. It is used to make and establish connections (!) with people in order to overcome social barriers by creating a common ground for conversations.

Small talk can also serve well as an introduction to a deeper conversation. It can also be used as a way to cultivate existing relationships in the process. Which in my view is very important, especially on a (social) platform like Steam.

You may not be equally well acquainted with every "friend" on your list, but a good handful of valuable conversations will quickly emerge, that can positively influence your experience of relationships on Steam in a more sustainable way.

But does small talk work in a chat? Really?

Yes, small talk can also work very well via chat and in fact online communication can be a good opportunity for small talk. Especially in this environment where it is difficult to communicate face-to-face (due to time zone differences, different lifestyles and environments, and different time resources).

However, it may be more difficult to establish an interpersonal connection due to the lack of non-verbal communication.

There is a higher risk of messages being misinterpreted. But these misunderstandings can then be questioned and clarified. The gain in connecting communication is, in my opinion, higher and fully worth the risk.

Are there any established rules, or do I have to consider anything?

Small talk usually has no fixed or established rules, as it is a casual and informal form of conversation. It is about creating a comfortable atmosphere and providing a common ground for conversation rather than following formal rules.

Nevertheless, there are some general suggestions that can be helpful in small talk in order to have a positive conversation:

"Listen." Show the other person that you are interested in the content of the conversation and are reading carefully by "actively listening" to their responses.
Ask questions: a good way to carry on a conversation is by asking the other party questions.
!!!Avoid controversial topics (at this early stage of the conversation): Avoid talking about sensitive or political topics unless it is unavoidable. I think today's current events, unfortunately, offer many opportunities for controversial topics. Is one a Republican or a Democrat? Is one for war or peace? Is one for the climate or the self-regulating market? PC or console? Vegan or meat? ... hah... caught... You see how quickly one gets into "weird" emotions.... so "CAUTION!"
Keep it positive: try to limit the conversation to positive and harmless topics.
Be empathetic: consider the feelings and opinions of the person you are talking to and be respectful towards their views.
Be authentic: Be yourself and don't try to be someone else. Additional note: If you want to know something about someone, you should also be willing to reveal (honestly) something about yourself. So, if there are topics you don't want to talk about, don't ask your conversational partner about these subjects either!

But again, it's important to note that small talk is a flexible and adaptable form of conversation and that there are no hard and set rules that you MUST follow. The main thing is that both conversation partners feel comfortable in the conversation!!!

Here's a nice mnemonic to help remember the "rules":
Lions Always Avoid Picky Eaters Arms

Listen
Ask
Avoid
be positive
be empathetic
be authentic

But what kind of topics should I take? Where do I start, how do I find a good topic?

It's important to note that small talk is about connecting and sharing information, not about the depth or importance of the topic of a conversation. Choose a topic that interests you and that you feel comfortable with, and let the conversation flow naturally.

Here are some common topics you can use as a launch pad for small talk:

1. The classic conversation topic par excellence, ever since there have been people on this little blue planet to talk about it: The weather: a safe topic that almost always leads to a conversation.
2. Gaming: Talk about gaming and games, including your favorite game titles and genres.
3. Travelling: A popular topic to talk about travel routes, destinations, and experiences.
4. Hobbies: talk about your hobbies and interests, and ask your conversation partner about theirs.
5. Job: Ask your counterpart about his or her job or profession, and share your own experiences.
6. Culture: Talk about movies, books, music or art that interest you.
7. Food: Share your favorite recipes or discuss your favorite restaurants.
8. Sports: Talk about sporting events or teams you follow.
9. Current events: Discuss the latest (non-controversial) news or events that are on your mind.
10. Family: Talk about your family, including your children, parents or siblings.
11. Animals: Share your experiences with pets or discuss your favorite species.
12. Friends: Talk about friends and acquaintances, including mutual friends.
13. Vacations: Discuss your favorite vacation destinations and activities.
14. Art and Design: Share your favorite artists or designers and discuss their work (goes with games too!).
15. Technology: Talk about the latest trends and developments in the technology industry (again, games too!).
16. Nature: Discuss natural wonders, landscapes and animals.

A small hint:

If you don't know which topic to choose right now, close your eyes and point to a spot here on your monitor -> and see which number is at this "wheel of fortune" field

And once again there are of course many more topics that you can use for small talk. The important thing is to choose a topic that interests you and where you can arouse the interest of your conversation partner. And where both of you are as well informed as possible, or which either of you would like more information on the subject. This can lead to a relaxed and pleasant conversation.

Practice makes perfect: practice small talk by becoming involved in social situations and improving your skills.

But how do I find a topic that interests the person I'm talking to?

You can find out what is interesting and exciting to the person you are talking to by asking them simple questions and paying attention to their answers. This way you can have the talk in a pleasant and natural way.

I'm probably repeating myself on one or two tips now, but again, they fit well here, too:

Listen (more ;) ): Let your conversation partner talk freely and that way you can show (honest) interest in what he or she is saying.
Ask (more) questions: ask your conversation partner about their opinions, experiences, and interests.
Follow up on common interests: Consider whether there are topics that you and your conversation partner find interesting together.
(Again, since it's so important!) Avoid sensitive topics: Avoid political, religious, or controversial topics unless your conversation partner brings them up.
Use humor: A little joke or amusing comment can lighten up the conversation. Humor can help build a connection and lighten the mood.
Keep an open mind: Be willing to engage in new topics and learn new things.
Stay patient: Small talk takes time and patience. Give yourselves time to get to know each other and develop your conversations.

Well, all these tips also apply to small talk in general, are there any advice that I should pay special attention to in a chat?

Below are a few ideas and suggestions on how you can improve small talk in a chat and have a positive and productive conversation. However, it is important to keep in mind the needs and desires of your conversation partner and respond to their reactions adequately.

It's also important to note that a chat is not the same as a face-to-face conversation, and it can be more difficult to express moods and emotions.

Use emoticons, but wisely: You can use emoticons to express your emotions and moods. However, it is important to use them wisely to avoid misunderstandings. Don't overuse them and stick to a reasonable number. Make sure that your messages still remain easy to read.

My (additional) tip here: Make a list (preferably in a TXT document) of your favorite emoticons (on Steam) and the emotion that emoticon represents for you. Over time, your counterpart will be able to associate these emoticons with the right emotion (sometimes it may take a quick clarification or check back) and he or she will get some sense of your mood(s).
Personalized texts: Use your own writing style and add some personality to your text.
Personalize your messages: Try to personalize your messages by using your conversation partner's name or asking a question that is specifically relevant to him or her. This shows that you are genuinely interested in the conversation and in your conversation partner.
Use descriptions: Describe your surroundings, thoughts, and emotions.
Be attentive: Be attentive and responsive to what your conversation partner writes.
Use open-ended questions: Ask open-ended questions that require more than just a "yes" or "no" to foster a deeper conversation.
Share personal things: Share information about yourself. Avoid delicate topics...ok, we've been over this. Got it!
Taking breaks is okay: It's okay to have a break in the chat while you both think about a message or do other things. But, please note (I got this hint a long time ago from *Spielfee* (from my Steam friends list)) that you still stay on task and try not to do multiple things at once. So for example that you are very concentrated playing a game, chatting and trying to find a great title for your last Steam screenshot. Your chat partner will notice when your heart and head are no longer into the conversation. Then it's better to be "honest" and suggest to continue the conversation later.

What is also difficult (in my opinion) to have several chats "at the same time". Difficult, but not impossible!!! Still... no real recommendation from me.

Stay on topic: try to keep the conversation on topic, but be flexible if it goes in a different direction.
(very important, I forget myself over and over again!!!) Say goodbye at the end of the conversation:
Say goodbye politely when the conversation is over, and let your conversation partner know that you enjoyed talking to them.
Practice active listening: One of the most important aspects of small talk is listening (yes, I'm saying it for the third time) / focused reading (and remembering the content (mostly)). Practice "active listening" by responding to what your conversation partner writes and showing that you are interested in what he or she is sharing with you. This can be indicated by giving brief feedback, asking questions, or agreeing.

Active listening strengthens your bond with your conversation partner and is an important skill in any conversation, especially small talk, because it shows that you are interested and respectful. It promotes better understanding of the person you are talking to and can help to create a positive and pleasant atmosphere.

Final words

I hope I could bring you a little bit closer to the topic of small talk. The text has become much longer than intended.

Also I repeat myself again and again in some points, but I hope you could understand the text nevertheless well. Small talk should create a connection and a good conversation. And I believe, if one pays attention to one or the other tip (and much you already knew yourself), then everyone can do it! So have fun and get started.

Helpful sites that are good to use for "international" chats

A good translator, I even prefer it a bit more than Google Translate:
https://www.deepl.com/en/translator

An overview of common emoticons (you can copy them from this page with [CTRL]+[C] and paste them into your text with [CTRL]+[V]):
https://getemoji.com/

An overview of ALL emoticons available on Steam:
https://steam.tools/emoticons/#/

With the "Mosaticon" you can arrange your emoticons yourself and then save them as a useful compilation (e.g. via a TXT file):
https://steam.tools/mosaticon/

13 Comments

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Holar [author] 19 Sep, 2023 @ 11:08pm

Ismo

Haze 25 May, 2023 @ 6:21am

https://youtu.be/JDZRbfWGmmA

Holar [author] 24 May, 2023 @ 10:07am

@♔.sir.lunchalot.♔
Danke :)
>Hast du die Bilder wieder selbst mit Ai erstellt? Und falls Ja, mit welcher denn?
Ja - www.midjourney.com > wenn man genau hinschaut hat die eine oder andere Person 3 oder mehr Beine oder Finger oder auch nur eine "unmögliche" Körperhaltung ... aber ich mochte die Bilder und auf das "Rad" bin ich sogar etwas stolz ;)

Holar [author] 24 May, 2023 @ 10:04am

@older than dirt
Thank you, it's a bit too long I think, just couldn't really shorten it yet - I really think there are some self-insecure gamers who struggle with chat communication, I hope maybe someone can benefit from this guide :)

Holar [author] 24 May, 2023 @ 10:00am

Tut mir leid, ich wollte Dich nicht angreifen, hatte nur nichts konstruktives in Deinem Beitrag gefunden und so dass Gefühl ich müsste etwas dazu sagen, werde meine Antwort wieder löschen, da ich das Gefühl habe, dass Du Dich angegriffen fühlst.

๖ۣۜBonnie vom ๖ۣۜMars 24 May, 2023 @ 9:56am

Das war meine (verwunderte) Meinung. Sehe keine Unhöflichkeit darin, aber bitte - dann empfinde es so. Was meine Intoleranz ggü. intoleranten Menschen jetzt hiermit zu tun hat, wäre meine nächste Frage, aber lassen wir das. Einfach mal was ausm Kontext gezogen und gegen mich verwenden wollen - Bravo!

♔.sir.lunchalot.♔ 24 May, 2023 @ 9:51am

Schöner Guide!

Hast du die Bilder wieder selbst mit Ai erstellt? Und falls Ja, mit welcher denn?

๖ۣۜBonnie vom ๖ۣۜMars 24 May, 2023 @ 9:14am

btw - the weather as a recommended topic to talk about? seriously? i couldn't roll my eyes harder if someone picked the weather as a topic to start a conversation with me.
i could pick this whole "guide" apart, but already said enough.
humans are a strange race...... writing and needing strange guides..

๖ۣۜBonnie vom ๖ۣۜMars 24 May, 2023 @ 7:10am

I can't believe that anyone would need a guide for that. On the other hand.. it surely explains why most of my Steam-friends seem like bots to me.

Yenzear 24 May, 2023 @ 12:05am

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