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Aliev Makhmud

Notes from the MMA jobber file, #45: Over the course of its lifespan Pride made several attempts at courting international talent and connections. Some of these initiatives were tremendously successful, paid dividends for years, and surfaced promising young talents that had long, interesting careers.

Some of them ended in Aliev Makhmud.

During their boom years Pride reached out to a number of organizations in search of new prospects. Chief among these was the Fédération Internationale des Luttes Associées, better known as FILA, the governing body for all international amateur wrestling. At Shockwave 2004 Pride brought out a man named Tomiaki Fukuda, the president of the Japan Wrestling Federation, to announce a talent exchange with FILA that would see international wrestling talent come to Pride to demonstrate their prowess.

This exchange would only actually be used twice. The first, and by far the funniest, came in the form of a Pride 29 matchup between Kiyoshi Tamura and Aliev Makhmud.

Pride's commentary team was very used to justifying bizarre matchups; this one broke them. Kiyoshi Tamura was a living legend of combat sports and professional wrestling, a 26-11-3 mixed martial artist with decades of experience who had battled competitors like Wanderlei Silva, Pat Miletich and Frank Shamrock. Aliev Makhmud was a 0-0 rookie with no striking or submission experience who visibly belonged at a lower weight class. The commentators had exactly two facts to share about Aliev: "He's a representative of FILA" and "He won two freestyle wrestling competitions in his home country of Azerbaijan." Mauro Ranallo wonders aloud about how he'll show his wrestling skills in mixed martial arts.

The answer is plainly apparently all of five seconds into the match: He won't. Aliev bounced out to the center of the ring, hopping spasmodically from one foot to another with no apparent stance or rhythm. He threw looping punches that saw him actually leave his feet entirely. He shots takedowns that were actually quite decent, and even got Tamura on his back with one of them, but lost it seconds later when it became apparent he had no idea what to do afterward. The first time Tamura kicked him in the body, he visibly froze and looked confused and concerned.

Within two minutes Aliev was visibly tired. That exhaustion led to one of the most unintentionally hilarious moments in mixed martial arts history: Tamura threw a leg kick, Aliev inexplicably jumped straight up in the air and threw his leg forward in a confused attempt at offense, and both men wound up simultaneously kneeing each other in the groin. Tamura barely reacted, but Aliev fell to the ground clutching himself in agony. Five extremely awkward minutes passed, during which Makhmud's crotch is iced, stretched and at one point fanned with his own flag, violating at least two international laws in the process. Tamura was wearing his robe and preparing to leave when the referee ordered the match resumed.

This, unfortunately, is the point at which Pride reminds everyone how bloodthirsty it could be. Aliev visibly had no interest in continuing to fight, and within a minute was gesturing at the referee to wave off the fight, who responded with an incredible "I don't know what you mean" pantomime as Tamura continued to batter him. Aliev mustered exactly one more offensive move--a jumping spinning wheel kick, performed so awkwardly that he almost fell out of the ring--before again returning to waving wildly at the referee, this time while grabbing his lower abdomen in visible pain. By this point even Tamura was visibly uncomfortable and looking to the referee to end the fight, but was ordered to keep fighting as the referee continued to play dumb, and finally, 7:09 into the unintentional comedy, Aliev's corner mercifully threw in the towel.

The moment the match ended its actual purpose became plainly apparent, as Kazushi Sakuraba, who had been watching from ringside, entered the ring to cut a promo on Kiyoshi Tamura and set up a match Pride had been attempting to put together for years--but Tamura had already left the ring in visible disgust.

That was the entirety of Aliev Makhmud's mixed martial arts career: A few short uppercuts and clinch knees, one decent takedown, a Van Damme spinkick that almost crippled him, and a groin injury. Pride successfully made a talent arrangement with the biggest wrestling organization on the planet and they used it for a jobber squash to hype a pro-wrestling feud that ultimately fell through anyway.

And we wonder why they folded.

Moveset, stats, logic and four attires, sort of, since he only actually fought once and there's no other footage of him doing anything (Pride 29 vs Tamura / gloveless vale tudo variant / theoretical wrestling gear in Azerbaijani colors / his very dignified polo shirt and slacks from the pre-fight press event). Very low stats; small chance to flip out and try to spinkick you.