Recent reviews by shiro

Where relationships are as complicated as the puzzles, and I've never felt more emotionally invested in climbing a virtual tower since that time I accidentally stacked too many Tetris blocks and my high score became a metaphor for my love life

8/10

I've never felt more accomplished as an undercover cop in Hong Kong than I did while using my unparalleled skills in karaoke and street food consumption – truly the ultimate crime-fighting strategy!

10/10

I've always heard that Hell is supposed to be eternal suffering, but in Hades, it's more like eternal button-mashing, and somehow, I can't stop grinning through my tortured gaming experience – who knew getting repeatedly curb-stomped by mythological creatures could be so much fun?

10/10

sorry friends, Gotham needed me more!

The only puzzle game that helps you become a better human being

You have to be a real anime fan to appreciate this

Hentai Girl on Steam made me question the true meaning of 'plot' in anime, and let's just say it's definitely not a masterpiece of storytelling!

Greetings, citizens of Steam! It's the one and only Caped Crusader here, and I've taken a brief respite from patrolling the mean streets of Gotham City to share my thoughts on Batman: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition.

Review:

As I descended into the eerie depths of Arkham Asylum, I couldn't help but think, "Why don't the inmates ever stay put?" But that's beside the point, and now, it's time for a Bat-review.

🦇 The True Batman Experience 🦇

Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition is the closest thing you'll get to becoming me without, well, becoming me. It's as close as you can get to patrolling the rooftops and grappling onto gargoyles, all without breaking a sweat. I mean, I don't sweat. But you get the idea.

🤖 Gadgets Galore 🤖

My utility belt is like a Bat-candy store, complete with explosive gel and the Batarang, perfect for knocking down pesky thugs and leaving them bewildered. I give it five Bat-thumbs up! Wait, I only have two thumbs, but you get the point.

🧩 Riddle Me This, Riddler! 🧩

The Riddler has left his little puzzles and trophies strewn all over the place. It's like he's got a competitive streak. Don't worry; I cracked those riddles faster than I can say, "I'm Batman."

🦹 Rogues' Gallery Face-Off 🦹

The villains of Arkham Asylum are like a who's who of Gotham's criminal elite. Joker, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, and more. It's like a criminal family reunion, but with more Batarangs and fewer awkward conversations.

🦚 Stealth Mode: Like a Bat Ninja 🦚

My stealth skills are unparalleled, and you'll get to experience that firsthand. Sneaking up on unsuspecting henchmen is a bit of a hobby of mine. I like to imagine I'm the Batman version of a ninja in a cape.

💣 Exploding Fun 💣

Joker's explosive surprises are just the kind of fireworks Gotham needs. It's almost as if he wants me to know he's always watching. And he's right; I'm Batman—I'm always watching too!

Conclusion:

In the grand tradition of the Dark Knight, Batman: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition is a masterpiece. It's like stepping into the cowl, except without all the training and brooding. So, citizens of Steam, if you've ever wondered what it's like to be Batman, wonder no more. Dive into Arkham Asylum and unleash your inner vigilante. After all, I'm Batman, and I approve this game.

🦇 Bat-Approved Rating: 9.5/10 - "The game Gotham deserves and needs!" 🦇

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is a masterpiece, but you already knew that. What you might not know is that it's not just a game; it's a life simulator, a monster masher, and a Gwent addiction all rolled into one. Geralt, our white-haired, gruff-voiced hero, manages it all with the style of a medieval James Bond.

Pros:

Gorgeous landscapes: If you're not pausing to take in the breathtaking vistas of Toussaint or Skellige, are you even playing The Witcher 3?
Gwent: It's like the Pokemon of the Witcher world, and I gotta catch 'em all! Why save Ciri when you can build a deck and play Gwent with random strangers for hours?
Beards: Geralt's beard growth is like a plant that only grows when you're not looking at it. Don't blink, or you'll miss his five-o'clock shadow.
Roach: She's the best horse, the worst horse, and a teleporting horse all in one. Roach, you magical enigma!
Cons:

Witcher senses: Ever wanted to feel like a detective in a world where every crime scene is conveniently marked with a glowing red trail? Welcome to Witcher vision!
Bathing optional: Geralt will slay monsters, woo sorceresses, and conquer empires, but he just won't take a bath. It's like he's allergic to soap.
Romance complications: Trying to please both Triss and Yennefer is like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle. Choose one and brace for a fury fiercer than any beast in the game.
In summary, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is the game that proves you can save the world, win Gwent tournaments, and be an epic lover all in a day's work. But most importantly, it's a lesson in multitasking: fight a griffin, play Gwent, get the girl. Just don't forget to wash behind those witcher ears.

Dragon Ball FighterZ, where the "Z" stands for "Zany Zuper Ztuff." If you've ever dreamt of settling the age-old debate of who would win in a fight between Goku and, say, a large green Namekian or an android with a mad scientist's haircut, this game is your answer. And it's like an intergalactic WWE match on steroids!

Pros:

Non-stop action: Remember those moments in the anime when they'd stare intensely at each other for five episodes before throwing a single punch? Yeah, you won't find that here. It's a relentless brawl from start to finish.
Ridiculously powerful moves: Unleash the power of the Dragon Balls, and watch your enemies cower in fear as you summon Shenron. Just don't wish for "more fighters," or it'll break the game.
Over 9000 nostalgia points: This game will transport you back to your childhood when you attempted (unsuccessfully) to go Super Saiyan in your backyard.
Saiyan Hair: The ultimate power of Saiyans? Gravity-defying hair. Just wait until you see your fighters' locks go wild during a match.
Cons:

Button mashing mayhem: You might start out with strategy, but the chaos quickly devolves into frantic button mashing. "Hadouken" or "Kamehameha"? Who cares, just mash everything!
Learning curve: If you want to master all the combos and special moves, prepare for a steeper learning curve than Goku's power level.
Absurdly long attack animations: When Cell does his solar flare or Frieza decides to chat for five minutes, you might find yourself wondering if you can order a pizza in between.
In the end, Dragon Ball FighterZ is like a giant Dragon Ball-themed carnival, and you're invited to the wildest party in the universe. Whether you're a die-hard DBZ fan or just someone looking for over-the-top anime brawling, it's a blast! Just be prepared for the button mashing madness and the occasional existential question: "Do I want to win this fight or see another transformation animation?"