Fr

based copypasta

Let me share this wisdom with you, good sir: Always keep a musket on hand for home defense, for that is what the founding fathers intended.

Four ruffians forced my front door open one dreary night and began to engage in some thieving. "What the devil?" I exclaimed as I grabbed my Brown Bess rifle and my powdered wig. I rush down the stairs and don't believe what I see! A large man wearing a mask, about six feet tall, and very muscular. I aimed my rifle and blew a golf ball sized hole right in his forehead! He toppled over and hit the floor with a thunk.

I rounded the corner and in came the next man, just as big as the first and holding a knife. I whipped out my pistol and let loose another shot! My aim faltered however and penetrated the wall behind him. I heard a crash, then a boom, I heard a car alarm go off, and a yelp from the neighbor's cat.

"Pfft, modern technology!" I shouted in disgust. I resorted to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs, loaded with grapeshot. By now, another thief has walked in to see what was going on.

"TALLY HO LADS!" I exclaimed as I lit the fuse. The two men look up in horror as the grapeshot shreds both of them in the blast.

In comes the next man, smaller than the rest. "Modern scum!" I declared. I got out my musket, fixed my bayonet, and charged the terrified rapscallion, stabbing him right in the heart!

Just as the founding fathers intended.