Hail to the player, baby! When it comes to safe sex, Duke Nukem doesn't mess around. I'm here to provide you with some tips on staying protected while having a good time, just like I do when I'm kicking alien butt.

1. Gear up, like a pro: Just as I strap on my trusty body armor, you should suit up with the right protection. Get yourself some high-quality condoms. These bad boys are your personal shield against unwanted surprises, like sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancies.

2. Time to kick ass and take names: Before engaging in any sexy business, it's essential to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Discuss your sexual history, potential risks, and get tested for STIs. Sharing is caring, baby.

3. Get ready to rock: When it's time to get it on, make sure you handle your weapons responsibly. Check the expiration date on your condoms and store them in a cool, dry place. Don't use them if the packaging is damaged or compromised. And remember, only use one condom at a time – don't double up, or you'll risk tearing them.

4. Aim for the head: Proper application is key, just like nailing a headshot. When putting on a condom, pinch the tip to create some breathing room for your little soldier. Unroll it all the way down to the base of your shaft. And remember, never reuse a condom – that's a major foul.

5. Duke's golden rule: Keep things slippery, but safe. Add some water-based lubricant to enhance pleasure and reduce the chances of the condom tearing. Just make sure the lube you choose is compatible with condoms, or you'll end up with a sticky situation.

6. Bigger isn't always better: Don't go for oversized, alien-grade condoms that may slip off during action. Find the right size that fits you comfortably. Trust me, I've got experience with the perfect fit.

7. Clean up your mess: After you've had your fun, don't forget to properly dispose of your used condom. Wrap it up in tissue or a napkin, and toss it in the trash. Don't flush it down the toilet or leave it lying around. Remember, real heroes clean up after themselves.

Remember, baby, having safe sex is not just about protecting yourself but also respecting your partner. So, follow these tips, stay protected, and keep kicking ass in all areas of life. Hail to the safe player, baby!