notes of a madman:
despite everything, i still believe that deep down people are good.
i want the simplest, most ordinary things. i want order. it's not my fault that the order is destroyed.
i want peace of mind. but the soul is like a stirred garbage pail - the tail of a herring, a dead rat, nibbles, cigarette butts, now diving into the murky depths, now appearing on the surface, racing.
i want clean air. the sweet decay, the breath of world ugliness, haunts me like fear.
we cannot find a limit on earth.,
between the sanctity of the soul and the filth of the body.
i realize that meeting me has brought you grief and pain, and i hope that one day, when the anger and sadness subside, you will understand that i could not have done otherwise, and this will help you live a truly good life, better than if we had not met.
i haven't seen anything wrong with my own loneliness for a long time. people greatly exaggerate the importance of the relationship between two people. yes, it's important, but it's not as important to lose yourself in torment as a pop in a glass of water. it's much simpler. if there is, it means good, if not– it means it will be. and if it doesn't, then that's how it should have been. or maybe I didn't really want to. at times, it's useful to give yourself over to the flow. by clinging to something, we miss the more important thing.