Listen fella, I know you're kind of upset about the whole me being incontinent thing, but it's really not my fault that you have the most-and please know that I mean this in only the best possible way-♥♥♥♥ on able house in the neighborhood. Something about the look, the smell, and the complete lack of a security camera just makes it the best place I know of to drop a steamer. Also, I can give you my personal promise that I am not the guy doing the coin thing to your car. I actually noticed that sometimes when my dog walks around now he also jingles like an a 96 year old woman's decaying hip replacement. I think it's actually James, that homeless man who lives on the corner by the gas station. He spends all day begging for change and then distributes it to whatever holes and/or orifices he can find at night.

Anyways, I appreciate you not calling the cops on me for defiantly not stinking up your house, deck, and bedroom.

Let me tell you a little story; one day, there was a man walking down the street. He continued on like that for about 30 minutes until he approached an open manhole cover and fell in. That's the end of the story, thank you for listening :)

Listen tough guy, if you ever say anything like that about my wife again, you'll be learning the true meaning of Christmas (if you catch my drift)(I will take your dog and give it a loving home)(it will start to love me more than you and one day you will run into us in the park and try to get him to greet you, but he will love me so much that he actually starts to get a little peeved (kind of angry) and starts to growl then eventually bites your hand and you get rabies and freaking (bite the big one)).

Recently I've been noticing that another person has been using my WiFi. I eventually started to get tired of it after some of the Vanos gaming videos that I was watching started to buffer and drop in quality. After getting fed up with the constant buffering I looked out my window and saw a flash from the shed. I then decided to check it out and soon found this GAMER watching baby sensory videos in 4K on their "battle station" which they've been hiding in my shed for that past 3 months. The worst part was, when I tried to get their attention to tell them to leave, they just continued to watch the video with a blank stare. It's been 3 days and I've yet to see them move or even blink.

if you see this man skulking around the forest at night DO NOT APPROACH or we'll all be in great danger

Hey, I need to ask that you stop standing outside my house while brandishing a torch. I was okay with it for a while, but now the home owner's association is starting to breathe down my neck about it. Something about "families feeling threatened by the hulking alpha male creeping around the neighborhood," whatever that means.