i suffer from BPD, Bipolar 2, severe chronic depression, PTSD
I am not my illnesses; they do not rule my life; in the course of a few hours, I can go from being "happy" and enjoying life to being severely pissed off for no apparent reason at all to crying for no reason to being suicidal and back to being happy.... again all within a 2-3hour span! I don't enjoy activities I once did and feel my life is severely worthless and that I am a waste of space... Sometimes it gets to the point where I self-harm, I have had suicidal ideations (where you have a plan and write a letter but don't follow through with the attempt), I have scars covering my wrists, forearms, ankles, and upper thighs from previous self-harm episodes.
More often than not I am found depressed and in "my own little world" just because I'm unsure how to live day to day without doing things to harm my own body. There are moments where I get thoughts in my head to attempt murder; to torture someone within an inch of their life then leave them there to die slowly and painfully; I AM NOT PROUD OF THESE THOUGHTS NOR DO I WANT THEM RULING MY LIFE BUT THIS IS SOMETHING I CANNOT CONTROL!!!!!!!!

IF ANYONE HAS QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I GO THROUGH PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME