Merry Christmas from Gar Gar and Galena Lou. They sent you this blue leopard dude.

I'VE BEEN IN THE JANITOR'S CLOSET AT THE MALL FOR TWO YEARS BUT NOW HE'S MY FIANCE AND YOU'RE INVITED TO THE WEDDING

Happy birthday! Please accept this pair of pants as a token of your birth.

JESS THIS IS ABI I FELL DOWN THE ESCALATOR AT THE MALL AND NOW I'M BEING DETAINED BY THE JANITOR THEY SAY IF I DON'T GIVE THEM ALL THE PADDING IN MY MATTRESS THEY'RE GONNA TAKE MY LEGS HAVE A GOOD DAY

what are "bags"?