here I got some ;)

"zero items in inventory" yeah i bet you're only here to trade.

Hey, I wanted to ask if you swap some of your steam gifts for other games or team fortress 2 keys, sent you a friend request, I am trying to extend my collection, I'd appreciate if you could accept me

+rep unmatchable skills

nice aug

+rep sharp sense

(Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before loudly moaning in his face)

Donkey: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!

Shrek: Are you talking to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him) Whoa!

Donkey: Yes. I was talking to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! They was tripping over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.

Shrek: (annoyed) Oh, that's great. Really.

Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.

Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?

Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.

(Donkey escapes deeper into the forest and runs head first into Shrek's backside. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him and glares down at Donkey. Donkey looks scared of Shrek for a moment, but he quickly hides behind him after seeing that the guards have caught up to him)

The Captain: You there. Ogre!

Shrek: Aye?

The Captain: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and...(Shrek slowly approaches the group of guards, the guards visibly frightened by him) transport you to... a designated...resettlement...facility?

Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army? (smiles)

(The Captain looks behind himself and sees that all the other guards have abandoned him. The Captain tucks tail and runs off. Shrek shakes his head and starts walking back to his swamp. Donkey, impressed by Shrek, follows him)

The Captain: Get her out of my sight.

Old Woman: No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

(The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and starts floating upwards)

Donkey: Hey! I can fly!

Peter Pan: He can fly!

3 Little Pigs: He can fly!

The Captain: He can talk!

Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (The pixie dust's effects begin to wear off) Uh-oh. (He drops out of the air and hits the ground with a thud)

The Captain: Seize him!

(Donkey dodges the guards as they try to grab him and runs deeper into the forest)

Guards: After him! He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!

(Geppetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table)

The Captain: Next! What have you got?

Old Woman: Well, I've got a talking donkey.

The Captain: Right. Well, that's good for 10 shillings. If you can prove it.

Old Woman: Oh, go ahead, little fella. (Donkey stays silent)

The Captain: Well?

Old Woman: Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. (Smacks Donkey again) Talk, you boneheaded dolt, talk!

The Captain: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

Old Woman: No, no, he talks! He does. (Moving Donkey's lips) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talking-est damn thing you ever saw.

Guard: Sit down there! Keep quiet!

Mama Bear and Papa Bear are locked inside giant cages, with Little Bear in his own cage

Little Bear: (crying) This cage is too small.

Donkey: (To his owner) Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

Old Woman : Oh, shut up. (smacks Donkey)

The Captain: Next! What have you got?

Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows)

The Captain: 5 shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!

THE NEXT DAY - FOREST

Fairy tale creatures are put in chains and led into wagons by Duloc Guards. The Captain of the Duloc Guards sits at a table paying a line of people their rewards for turning in the fairytale creatures. Those waiting in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs.

Guard: All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!

The Captain: Next!

Guard: (Taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half)

The Captain: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!

(The captain hands over the reward to the villager who turned the witch in. The villager mutters to himself)

Villager: Lousy 20 pieces.

Guard: Get up! Come on!

(Waiting in line is Donkey on a leash and his owner. He looks in horror at the witch and a group of dwarves being loaded into a wagon)

(He looks down and picks up a wanted poster dropped by one of the villagers. He reads it aloud)

SHREK: "Wanted. Fairytale creatures"?

(He sighs and walks off. dropping the poster to the ground)

Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

Villager 1: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!

(The villager waves his torch in Shrek's face. Shrek casually licks his fingers and pinches the flame, extinguishing the torch. The villager drops it)

Villager 1: Right.

(Shrek terrifies the mob with a great frightening roar, his spit extinguishing all the remaining torches. He wipes his mouth and waits for the villagers to stop screaming)

Shrek: (whispering) This is the part where you run away.

Villagers: (gasping)

(Shrek laughs as the men drop their torches and pitchforks and run away as fast they can)

Shrek: And stay out!

NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S SWAMP

Villager 1: Think it's in there?

Villager 2: All right. Let's get it!

Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

Villager 3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.

(Shrek chuckles, revealing himself to be standing behind the mob)

Shrek: Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.

(The mob gasps)

Shrek: Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin...

(Shrek slowly approaches as the villagers back away in fear)

Villager: No!

(We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Out steps Shrek, an ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot of the page still stuck to his shoe. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home, and goes about his daily routine. Which is taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign)

(In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. At night they gather their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes. The villagers stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is sneaking up behind them)

Shrek: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her true love and true love's first kiss.

(Shrek chuckles and rips out a page of the book and closes it)

Shrek: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of -

ADded for a trade offer!

i too, will eat your cat.

i will eat your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cat

could we hire you? to become a rank on our TF2 thing

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It's COOL to be gay!
Post this on the wall of a homosexual friend and tell them how COOL they are

The very first Communists were early Slavic tribes who owned so little they had to share everything. They were renowned warriors, whose battle tactics consisted of getting as drunk as mortally possible, then drink twice as much more and charge at the enemy wielding a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other. Even in these early times they were called the Red Army for their red faces (esp. noses). A Communist Warrior was terrible to behold in battle, bashing, slicing, and breathing alcoholic fumes at his enemies. Mortally wounded, he would merely fall asleep at the field of battle, only to wake up the next morning with regenerated limbs, healed wounds and a severe headache.

Don't mind him he has multiple ret@rdality disorder

𝙰𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎:
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚂𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙻𝚈 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌.
𝙳𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚖.
𝙳𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚖.
𝙳𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚍𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚢𝚎.
𝙳𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢.

makes bad jokes

pig

Jihad?

+rep nice

Yo, just sent you a friend request. Please don't ask why,,,I am ♥♥♥♥ at answering why in that regard...

Can i add you mate?

added real quick, something kinda insane happened.

welcome to the csgo forums, out of the 10 or so times iv been banned by killah (and all bans have been from killah) only 1 was me actually breaking the rules, and even then the guy i was fighting with was doing way worse than me

Damn looks like they got my forum.

There would be tons of false bans. Take YouTube and Twitter as an example for your bot idea.

"Fix Steam". Thats sadly not an option, its a flaw inherent in the system.
Also, what Workshop abuse are you on about ?

you are totally right man, we should fix steam

+rep points out the workshop abuse

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Touche'

Everythings free if you can run fast enough

-rep stole my cocaine

Always be the guy with the bigger bottle, better safe than sober

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I thought u were dead lmao

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Pls do not play a game again ...
I know you want to.