tried to talk to a innkeeper because i have a net worth of -5 kwama eggs and cant even afford a pillow, so i tried to persuade her into pitying those below the poverty line but i accidentally clicked spacebar and picked up some random grimy folded cloth thats been collecting mold underneath the bar for 80 years and within 0.9 nanoseconds a guard had risen out of the floor and basically demanded me to pay my taxes (despite not having ownership of anything since cauis's package, yes I sold that for 0 dollars out of spite) or go to the meat locker for an epoch. I naturally chose the tax evasion option because once again a diseased scrib has more economic potential than me, yet despite my obvious financial shortcomings, the crime of picking up a manure stained cloth cloth in a public space has the punishment of the death penalty on the spot, no judge, no jury, just execution. Before he could hit me and basically banish me to oblivion (due to my negative armor class because I have every disease created in the game because I decided it was a good idea to see how Hla Oad is this time of year, do not go there it is the fecal matter of the hlaalu house and is run by hillbillies who decided it was a good idea to make a crap fishing village next to 8 deadric ruins with about 2 guards to protect their worthless operation) before he could hit me however I had managed to outsmart every single being in that inn by performing the complex task of walking through a door. Now that I had basically exiled everyone in there for as long as I wanted, the only problem was the 69 guards with armor made out of moldy cheese beelining to my exact location. I did the natural thing and went the opposite way up some cliff but in a dead sprint I think I may rival a crippled 80 year old woman in her deathbed at top speed. By the time I reached the mountain I spammed E, since you know the saying, "when in doubt, spam tf out of e". Naturally I made it up the mountain despite it being vertical and every guard's reaction was not to follow me the way I came or find the next best path but to hightail it tf out of here since obviously one who is on a slightly raised platform now has the combat equivalence to that of a daedric prince, no matter if they look like they were born from beef jerky. Before I could revel in my triumph (or notice my bounty has risen by a quadrillion for stealing a cloth and valuing my life from immediate execution) a cliff racer had spawned 3 inches from my forehead and immediately began to assault me. I managed to move out of the way but instead of not getting hit my body decided to have a convulsion on the spot and I fall to the floor like a life alert commercial (Since I had spammed E to escape the guards, my fatigue, which has a max of 4 points, had gone to -5e57) Luckily, before I could get hit again and my health, which is about 0.0000000001 at this point, I manage to use a scroll i had found while enjoying the beginning of the game's scenery and to reward me for having positive thoughts the game decided to murder a man in front of me by dropping him from the heavens. But he had scrolls that could launch me like inflation rates in germany during the 1930;s, so naturally I used them during the cliff racer attack. I jumped and began to ascend into the heavens, suddenly I did not feel bad about my hard situation in life anymore, my economic shortcomings were irrelevant, my weak and frail body with the agility and intelligence that only rivals that of a cinder block was of no more matter to me. So what if I cannot understand basic reading skills and I put all my skills into spear and I had not found a single spear yet despite this being my 629th day in the game and having made a grand total of 1.2 gold, all of which came from fargoths corpse after I booby trapped his drug stash (it was in some rotting log because of his crippling moon sugar addiction) with a fireball from hell that killed everyone in a 4 city radius. It was all of no more matter, I flew, and for the first time, I was free, free of my shackles of constant endangerment and permanent psychological trauma, the ground before me disappeared into a white ether and I was free from it all. Then the air turned red, I was confused, thinking I had entered another level of the atmosphere, but then the ground reappeared. What was a small island had turned into a jagged red mountain straight from satan's summer home retreat. There was not much I could do since I was barreling straight down the throat of the volcano into a lava ocean at the speed of light and only had the chance to see some man with nothing but a loincloth and a golden mask teabagging the corpse of some random dark elf, probably of no importance, but it mattered not, as I was now 80000 different pieces floating in a burning hellscape forever attoning for my sin of wanting to have a fun time playing a video game.

all in all good game would recommend 10/10

Edit (2024): i made a sequel due to popular demand and it skyrockets past the character limit if i post it here, so it will be in the comments (Edit to the Edit: apparently there is a 1000 character limit for comments and my sequel more than quadruples that (shocker) so I will be making a guide with this one and the new one and yes i suppose I will format them better.

https://steamproxy.net/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3245998255