I've got a musket for home defense because, you know, the founding fathers were all about that. So, one fine day, four hooligans decide to crash my dinner party by breaking into my house.

"Good heavens!" I exclaimed as I snatched my powdered wig and my Kentucky rifle. I took aim and blew a hole the size of a golf ball right through the first guy. He didn't even have time to say "What in tarnation?" before he was a goner.

Then came the second guy, and I whipped out my pistol. But here's the kicker: it's a smoothbore, and I ended up sending a round straight into the neighbor's dog. Oops, sorry, Fido!

With only two miscreants left, I realized it was time to bring out the big guns, quite literally. Upstairs, I had a cannon all loaded up with grape shot. "Tally ho, lads!" I cried as I fired it off. The result? Two bad guys shredded by the blast, car alarms going off like a symphony, and my neighbor threatening to call the cops.

I was hungry so i decided to eat some bbq wings and watch some anime. there was about 6 of it and i ate 3 and a half. that was when i started to feel a bit funky on my hand and mouth, and i thought to myself "wow, these bacteria are extra rough today". i used the flashlight on my phone to see what was going on and there was an army of ants covering my hands and i ♥♥♥♥ you not, i cough once and my mouth is a shotgun that shoots ants as bullets. i was covered in fear and ants and the urge to scream, but the fear of angry parents is stronger. i can only cry silently in a dark and quiet room, all alone, while being violated by ants.