Reluctantly, I settled for the one things that had delicious beef and cheese and did not have a bun. I ordered a whopperito. When I got to the window, the teller asked me for my money. I excitedly handed the teller my money, growing more psyched by the second. Whopperito? What is this? I have to see how it is! The cashier took my money and counted it, then turned back to me and told me I was a few bucks short. "WHAT?" I said drunkenly, "How much more money do you need?" He locked eyes with me, his face tired of dealing with late night drunks in the drive through. "I need about tree fiddy." And it was at that moment that I realized that drive thru worker was about 20 feet tall and from the paleolithic era! "♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MONSTAH!" I shouted, "I aint givin you no tree fiddy!" And I left. I went home. I didn't have the whopperito. The end.

It was saturday night. I was drunk. I was high (Yeah, I'm out of the army. Yeah, I'm in a state with legal recreational marijuana. What are you gonna do about it?). I needed something to munch on. After checking my kitchen cupboards and my fridge, I was dismayed to find that I had nothing good to eat. I knew I had to go somewhere. Luckily there was a burger king with a 24 hour drive through right by my house. Determined, I set out to get some grub. After stumbling down the street, I finally made it to the burger king. "I WANT A WHOPPER!" I shouted, my words terribly slurred. To my terrible dismay, the robot voice on the drive thru speaker told me they were out of buns. Out of buns? What burger king would have no buns at 3AM?

The thing with the whopperito is too many people fail to realize what it truly is. Too many people see it as fast food, and not the beautiful artistic masterpiece that it is. See, when you bite into a whopperito, it's not just flavors and textures that you're experiencing. It's art, in your mouth. A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ symphony of flavor.

Let me give some context to this review here. Let me tell you about my first time eating, nay, experiencing, a whopperito.