Recent reviews by Clowned

All i'm saying is Postal 4 has soft-locked me twice now making me restart the entire playthrough, but I was able to finish postal 3 with it only crashing two times. Just throwing that one out there.

Game boots you out of lobbies due to bugs. Game messes up hit detection due to incompetence on the dev team. Hackers that will literally USE YOUR STEAM ID AND PROFILE TO HACK SO THEY CAN GET OFF SCOTT FREE. Oh but don't worry guys a new chat filter is on the way so that nobody can call you a homosexual during this dumpster fire. FIRE NOT_QUEEN GET THAT SMUG ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ OUT OF HERE IF SHES NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING HELPFUL. GAWD DAYUM.

If you see rose on the screen be sure to crank your volume down. Don't know what idiot in the recording booth thought whistling into a microphone like that would sound good on the ears. SHE WHISTLES EVERY TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN. Idk maybe they have 18 layers of skin on their eardrums and don't mind the sound of broken glass next to their head so they said ♥♥♥♥ it and handed her the script without 2nd thought. Anyway, I hope you like this DLC. I did it on mayhem level 10 and yeah that wasn't fun haha. All i'm saying is slag could TOTALLY still be around at this given time considering eridium is still in circulation as a currency in Borderlands. Also I really think they dropped the ball in terms of ambience in this dlc. Its actually just "Ber ner ner ner BUR BUR ber ner ner ner BUR BUR BUR ber ner-" over and over again with very little variation. It's like being locked in a sensory deprivation tank after awhile.

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Not funny

game SUCKS i go to BED

This game was better than San Andreas tbh

No server filters and every server ever is full. And when you're forced to just trial and error by hitting join on all servers because it wont tell you what servers are full (all of them) theres a high chance the game will just break and lie to you saying its connecting (it never does) making you have to relaunch the game. It has been over an hour of just trying to actually play the game. I have YET to even join a game so as far as i know the projector room is the only level and all the scp are off in space or somethin. I wish this review had more substance, but as i said I havent even been given the chance to play the game yet. And theres only so much to talk about in the main menu.

Doomsday Heist Developement:
SERGEI! HEY! HEY SERGEI!
yes, Ivan?
I MAKE THE NEW HEIST. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT BECAUSE IT BRINGS MANY CHALLENGING ASPECTS TO THE TABLE!
Oh Ivan Ivan Ivan. You do all wrong
OH?
Yes, here is how we make the heist update very good
First we hype it up
Then we release it shortly after
You must own this high tech Uh-merican vault facility to partake in the shooty shooty
IT WILL COST LITTLE BITS RIGHT?
Oh you could not be any more wrong my ignorant friend. It shall cost atleast 1.25 Million dollar
WONT THAT TAKE SOME TIME TO GRIND FOR IF YOURE LOW ON FUNDS
It should only take maybe 4 days to grind 1 mil in heist assuming the host gets all genius slavic men like us in the lobby
All else fails. Buy a shark card amirite, Ivan?
STEP TWO?
We add a bunch of cool new high tech vehicles like back to the futer mobile and other lesser sports car
SOUNDS VERY NICE
Then we put cool ♥♥♥♥ all over the cool u.s. film delorean and jack the price up to 4 million dollar
DECOMISSIONED WILL BE THING, YES?
Oh heaven no, Ivan. Cheap alternatives lesser our chance of caving the player to spend human hard earn penny on game.
As for other sports car. Since it is used to attack our soviet friends, then we shall make it only be submarine with painfully horrible handling when under water. Tedious is the new fun, Ivan
WHAT ABOUT THE COOL NEW HEIST?
Ah. You see why make something cool and exciting When you can spam the same looking guy and make "haha Funni clone" gag with Lester. It will be so random of him to make the funni outburst
ATLEAST ANY NEW ENEMIES?
Oh of course. We arent heartlest money hungry criminals so we shall grant them a new enemy
It shall be a Juggernaut type enemy with big gun of high damage and fire rate. They can even go invisible
WOW SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD ENEMY TO STUR THINGS UP EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE
Yeah, but i was thinking, why only use one every so often when you could have 9 of them spawn at all angles during an escort mission
UH, I DUNNO
No trust me, it will be fun. I think
WELL ATLEAST ITS CHALLENGING
Oh thats not the challenge. The challenge is surviving the very distant and spaced out checkpoints. Very tough for little players. Like pulling little baby teeths
AS FOR THE FINALE?
Do you like hallway Ivan? Be honest with me.
NO NOT REALLY
Well thats a shame, scrub. Did I say that right? Is that what the Millenials say now?
Anyway. Imagine there be big bomb go boom. You must stop evil geek and computer kiddy. How?
Very simple. Fight big juggernauts with heavy weapon sniper rifle machine gun in tight hallways baron of any free space. And to add a dash of challenge. We've mad checkpoints almost non existant for the first and hardest part of the heist. We have also taken liberties to make some of the spots you can take cover behind blow up if shot too many times by 7 juggernaut men
JEE THAT DONT SOUND FUN. WHAT OF PAYOUT?
Final heist after 2 day grinding spree. Why not 1.5 million dollar. Not like, per person, but split between all people
GOOD GAME GOOD UPDATE GUD GUD GUD

Alright so he are some things that stuck out in this wonderful game to me and that ive felt towards it

-My name is kaede or something. sounds a bit like katie so when i say it it sounds like a girls name maybe im saying it wrong

-I played football. Sure doesnt sound like it. But hey i get swimming.

-so through the story i (me) and the protagonist didnt pop a boner at all

-I go to the pool for the first time and he somehow didnt see 2 girls in perfectly clear water

-they come out of the pool with their swimsuits torn how do you even do that

-he literally walks in on an undressed girl and all he had to say was "i need to answer nature". That was a bit odd, but it worked

-they called kaede a big guy and it was then and there i figured out i was bane the whole time and couldnt get that idea out of my head untill the last hour of gameplay.

-every time one of the two girls pulls me over to talk about something i finally think im gonna score, but then they talk about how their mother has cancer or how their friend almost died. A bit of a metaphorical boner killer but it kept me listening for some reason.

-Kaede claims he never had a girlfriend and the girls didnt believe it(neither did i) because hot damn he has a way with words. Hes just like his father almost.

-kaede is a pervert but not a complete one.

-Hiromi is the better one of the two HOT DAMN

-Meiko is ok but something about their character is a bit eh (the stripes were pretty good though)

-BIG ONE: you wont be able to choose who you like or who will like you. kind of a bummer because like i said Hiromi is way better

-This game turned me into a closet weeaboo

-No i havent got the hentai patch(doesnt mean i wont get it in a bit though)

-This game made me feel like i havent felt in years(i just bought it as a joke and maybe a quick peepshow) so now i felt like a had to finish it and find out more about Hiromis mom and her health at the end

-I honestly felt like there was more to the story so now i really want a sequel

-I got a booster pack of cards for this game and all 3 cards were Meiko swimsuit cards so i had to buy all the other cards which was a pain in my "richard"

-I finally crafted the badge and wouldnt you know it, i got the meiko background for steam. It is her in a swimsuit. I have had it up to about chest level with swimsuit meiko cards and all.



In the end i had a really good time and I made Kaede a man with a really weird choice of words something about meals and what size meal is good somethin somethin boob sizes and bad exam scores