My name is Jafar
I come from afar
I like stabbing kuffar
Allahu Akbar

One time I met Stefan Struve at Publix. I said, "Hey, are you Stefan Struve, by chance?" He said he was, then smiled real big, got out a pen, and asked for my name. "No, no," I said, "I don't want an autograph, I was hoping you could help me with that," and I pointed to a box of my favorite cereal, Grape Nuts Flakes, which they were out of except for a couple boxes on the top shelf. In response, Struve glared and walked away from me.

He won't even use his reach to help out a homie at the grocery store. :(

"A fugitive turns into a demon then a sad clown and finally becomes a man again."

This guy I was in the service with reached down into his pants one summer day while we were smoking. When he brought his hand out several fingers have a gooey white substance. I said “what the ♥♥♥♥ is that!?!” He replied “You have never seen fromundah cheese before?” As he shoves his fingers into his mouth and sucks them clean as if just finishing delicious BBQ.

Khabib: ....breathes

Conor: SHOT YO ♥♥♥♥♥♥ MOUT

I wanted to be a cat, so when I was 4 my mom put my food and water in bowls on the floor for a day or two. She had to put an end to it when she caught me taking a ♥♥♥♥ in the cat's litter box. She still brings it up after a glass or two of wine...

I think we’re actually winning. Disney’s taken a hit, EA is feeling the pain, the EU is collapsing as nationalists take the lead, tv shows ratings are falling, big tech stocks are plummeting… ladies and gentlemen I think gamers might have just played a crucial role in saving the future of this world…

Hila is scum of the highest degree. I can't even stand to listen to her ♥♥♥♥ zombie voice for longer then a second before I want to do something drastic

Not an employee, but a patron... took a friend to an escape room because she REALLY wanted to try.

Lost because when we opened the last door there was a mannequin and she refused to enter the room, sobbing, crying, screaming... I couldn't solve the easiest puzzle which was to whistle at the mannequin because SHE KEPT CRYING.

Dated a guy who didn't know the difference between urination and ejaculation. Was giving him a hand job while he was sitting on my chest and he starts peeing. ON MY FACE. Took a few seconds for him to get the hint to get off. The next day, he seemed to be excited about having "sprayed" me. I don't think he ever had a proper sex ed class...

“He got me,” s1mple said of MSL’s shot onto him. “That f**king MSL boomed me.” s1mple added, “He’s so good,” repeating it four times. He then said he wanted to add MSL to the list of players he practices flicks with this summer.

"Teens first time"

30 seconds in there is a fist in her ass.

So I was going down on this chick when I taste horse semen, and I think to myself, Oh, that's how you died, Grandma.

I told a customer she couldn't use an Employees Only computer because the chairs did DNA analysis on everybody who sat in them. If a user didn't match the Employee Database one of the ceiling panels would slide back and a robotic arm would grab the person and drag them to the secret 2nd floor room for questioning.

She got visibly upset, told me that it was disgusting the company did DNA testing on our butts and she'd quit if she worked at the store, then left.

I worked in a university textbook store. She was a college student.

When her ass is a 10 but so is she

Today I nae nae'd my Libertard teacher so hard LOL
He was talking about evolution or something like that (I wasn't really paying attention because I was working on my advanced mathematical theories) when suddenly I heard him say the earth is more than 5000 years old and that evolution exist.

Immediately I took my stone out of my back pocket and put it on his desk.

Everyone was scared and silent and looked at the stone

I asked: If evolution exists, how come this fine stone has not evolved into a human yet, it is more than 5000 years old after all.

The class stood in shock because of the genius they just witnessed and started clapping one by one and everyone gave me 100 dollars

That teachers name?

Albert Einstein
(That's also how he got his last name btw)

My ex one time wanted me to hang out in the bathroom while he was showering, so he could tell me about his day. After a few minutes the most g o d awful smell to ever grace my nostrils appeared and I started coughing. In between trying to breathe and trying to ask what happened, he interrupted me and laughed saying "Sorry babe I couldn't wait any longer" And he showed me that he took a dump in the shower. I was pretty grossed out but accidents happen I guess.

THEN HE STARTED SMASHING IT WITH HIS FOOT SO IT WOULD "Go down the drain"

"Oh don't worry babe, I do this all the time"

I was done at that point.

Hello idiots, I see you have stumbled upon my comment. Before you read any further, I advise that if you are not a fan of multi-major winning, lurk king and undisputed greatest French in game leader in the history of Counter-Strike:Global Offensive, Vincent "Happy" Cervoni-Schopenhauer, then you can leave this subreddit immediately.

Happy has been prominent in the Counter-Strike scene since 2008 (I was only 3 then) and even back then he was mercilessly shredding any foes that dare stand in his way of victory; at this time of writing he has amassed over $450,000 in prize money which is way more than your ♥♥♥♥♥ ass will ever make.

Happy's genius play style is also that that only few have mastered, he has long been known as the "Lurk King" and has taught his skill to many who have also mastered the art of "le Lurk" GeT_RiGhT, is Happy's most known apprentice. If a mere mortal like you was to step in to the same server as Happy, then he would simply outplay you by lurking on your ♥♥♥♥♥ ass.

He expertly manoeuvres any map so that you will never be able to find him, and when you finally do (you will have wished he hadn't) he will have already riddled you with bullet from his perfect spray. On a side note Happy also stated on stream that he doesn't practice his aim and I think we can all agree, he doesn't need. As well as being among the greatest players of all time it is also rumoured that Happy has the biggest ♥♥♥♥ in the professional Counter-Strike scene, when he isn't whipping out his huge baguette and smacking you in the jaw with it, Happy likes to kick in the poshest restaurants where he eats his "L'Escargot" for free because of his popularity in France, while he dines on the most exquisite of food he also wears the freshest clothes that even royalty would be jealous of.

FUN FACTS ABOUT HAPPY Sometimes to give other players a chance Happy likes to replace his mouse with a lightly toasted baguette, he still always wins. Despite smoking upwards of 5 packs a day of the finest French cigarettes, Happy still retains the ungodly lungs of a fish. Once while Happy was returning from a mad sesh hosted by the French Prime Minister he was held at gunpoint by a crazed man who demanded Happy empty his pockets and hand over his riches. Happy, being the hero he is, refused and simply flexed on this poor cracker, the man was so blown away by Happy's insane pecs that he fell to the floor and begged forgiveness, that man was DEVIL. PashaBiceps once challenged Happy to a dead lifting contest, Pasha lifted 220kg while Happy simply picked up his huge ballsack.

We are all familiar with the country, Africa. Yet at the same time we know little about them. All we know is that it is hot there, African Americans live there and they are really poor. This begs the question, why is Africa that poor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DaoWcDIQGQ&feature=youtu.be

This is your line? I guess this sub really is full of normies. Pal, let me tell ya. This “meme“ is nothing compared to actual dank stuff I've seen on the darker side of the web. Im talking self-cannibalism, fapping to mass genocide, jizzing on a jewish mass-grave (?) and the worst of it all: Anime&Furries. This ♥♥♥♥ will scare you

There’s probably a no touching rule and it’s a slippery slope. If a handshake is ok then they might think a hug is ok. If a hug is ok then they might think a kiss on the cheek is ok. If a kiss on the cheek is ok, then an anal reverse piledriver in the middle of the stage is definitely ok. And if they’re getting piledriven, it might mess up their hair.

I may have no toilet paper and my money may be worthless and I may have to brush my teeth with a dead mouse, but at least my country doesn't have BLUMPFF!!!😂😎✊

Every once in a while i clutch and kill ez eco enemies with less death than you as well. Enough to flame you when you die trying to entry frag calling you noob while enemy try to kill me cuz im last standnig so i kill few to boost my score.

Saving ? No no i dont save i hold bomb site exits to take a few more frags it doesnt matter if i die and cant save the awp as long as i get the score.

You love playing with me btw :)

And then you lose when he re-takes it and drags your corpse over the bomb and uses your hands to defuse it, then teabags you until you can no longer take the taste of his balls out of your mouth. Then you gradually fall in love with that taste, and start going to his bomb site just to get that taste again and again, until you become addicted to it.

Baby talk, gross

Especially when we're fooling around.

"A www, does him wike it when I suck his ♥♥♥♥?"

the ♥♥♥♥, ♥♥♥♥♥????

Awesome pics. Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. Thanks for the motivation.

kid grow up, if i wanted to ♥♥♥♥ talk you i'll make sure u feel really uncomfortable. i feel sorry for all the apologizing tweets that you made after every defeat we had at the lan, because after i read what u posted those obviously didn't mean ♥♥♥♥, as ur game play backed it up. remember when i told u "don't get too attached"? as your leader i will not force you to give up relationships and play cs instead, that's on you. if i gotta push you to play the game u want to make a living out of, then this ♥♥♥♥ aint for you. i wanted to treat you like a teammate, but ur asking to get ♥♥♥♥ on then so be it. heard ur out of ronin already, not surprised at all, prolly running around headless with ur one dimensional plays. gl on w/e u got going on, see u never =)

tHeY dOnT dEsErVe ThE lEgEnDaRy mIbR tAg

/r/The_Donald will never get off of Hillary's nuts, she is what drives them, those sexist fools, they are driven only by their hatred of a woman. Neckbeards alike with no hope of losing their virginity without having to pay for it love bashing her and saying "lock her up", just disgusting vile pieces of human garbage on there

If kids stopped having that sexy, shaved flat-chested girl look and that arousing slightly soured skim-milk smell, then maybe there would be way less pedophiles around.

I think you need help

When I was younger I let the family dog ♥♥♥♥ me because I felt bad he was getting neutered.

Mine was tight as well. I put a needle through it with some dental floss, tied it off then just let it rot away. 1000/10, would do again, major sex upgrade.

🙏OG Moonman died for our sins🙏

He will join is brothers in paradise

✝R.I.P the biggest rappers✝

Tupac

OG Loc

Easy-E

Notorious BIG

Big Smoke

Pink Guy

Bankroll Fresh

Gucci Mane

Ali G

MC Steve Urkel

For the third time this month I've had a guy on my team blatantly cheating in matchmaking and telling me that, "if you want to play CSGO without cheaters you should buy ESEA" and that "it's only $7 a month, has the best AC, etc. etc." like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ salesman. Which got me thinking, ESEA could be supporting cheaters and cheat makers because it's entirely in their interest: flood matchmaking with cheaters to render it unplayable so people are forced to use ESEA servers, which probably won't get compromised due to it's intrusiveness. Mind you, this is the same company that mined it's customers, so doing something like this isn't exactly out of the ballfield. Just a thought.

But I have an girlfriend who is on the spectrum and she draws manga style and also has a two legged rescue cat who is my world. She doesn't think she is very good. What does Reddit think?

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My ex's first job was house keeping, for some reason an entire basketball team decided to all take a ♥♥♥♥ in the same toilet without flushing. I guess it was filled up to the brim, poor girl.

This is propaganda to brainwash foolish Americans into accepting the JUNK SCIENCE of modern day psychology.
The cause of depression, anxiety and mood swing disorders is big pharma frankenfoods and frankenvaccines.

👉😎👉👉😎👉👉😎👉👉😎 ZOOP

Just learned that my long distance girlfriend is a guy after 498 days of relationship, i'm 18 and she was suposed to be 20, it ended up being a bi guy that was sending me his ex girlfriend's pictures and he was in love with me... I feel so empty he lied to me and to more than 300 other people... please send me some love, I have no one to talk to...

The guy I was talking to said something along the lines of "I'm really good at fingering girls. I know this because I have hemorrhoids and I have to finger myself in the ass every day to apply my ass cream".

You know that consistent physical activity can keep your metabolism up, right? I’d know for sure. I get physical activity by doing the sex at womans every night. 😎👌
Edit: clearly jealousy downvotes. Well, you may have your karma, but then you also have your virginity! 😂

When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I'd wear it all the time. I was told only to take it out to poop, wipe my ***, then put it back in.
I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed. So when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet. She had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse.
Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police. The police ask me all these questions and at first I'm scared because I think I'm in trouble for losing my poop plug. Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this ********* so Satan couldn't stick his ♥♥♥♥ in my pooper and make me gay.

What the ♥♥♥♥ is wrong with people. You all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ silvers living for a "knife battle" during a comp game or what ??! You see an opponent, you shoot, gotta win these rounds you know, get to 16 first you know. Not HURR DURR SO FUNNEH TO KNIFE LELELELELELELELELEL OMG THIS IS SO RANDOM HAHAHA WHAT A FUNNEH GAME LEELELLELE.
Reddit is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ridden with silver pleb or what.

SPAM THIS EEL Squid2 Squid4 TO HELP STEEL Squid2 Squid4