I was addicted to porn. I remember doing the 'intake test' where they assess whether or not you're actually addicted to porn, and I scored off the chart. I had let porn impact my life negatively, I had ruined relationships, I had a hard time forming intimate relationships, it ruined my productivity, I had started looking at more and more extreme porn, and was masturbating several times a day. Fortunately (I guess) I was a high functioning addict.

I started seeing a $200/hour therapist, who I've been seeing for the last two years. Here is what I have learned:

all addictions, porn included, are a way of coping with pain. If you find yourself struggling with porn, chances are you're struggling with pain. It's not always the case (and I'm not a therapist), but you should take some time to be introspective and think about what might be hurting you. For me, it was the constant feeling of inadequacy, especially when I was young. Porn was something that made me feel 'wanted' - I felt like I was being affirmed by the women I was looking at, which gave me a great personal boost.

don't try to fight your desire to look at porn - be curious instead. If you fight things, you'll end up eventually losing will power, and you'll will likely revert to your old behavior. You shouldn't try to fight the urge - instead, when it comes up, be 'curious' - ask yourself, "why am I feeling this? What is triggering me to feel these urges? What just happened? Where am I emotionally right now?" What you will find is that more often than not, there is a pattern that emerges when you're feeling that 'urge' - for me, it was a few specific patterns: first, when I wanted to be comforted, such as before bed, or when I was upset. Second, when I was feeling especially frustrated or 'stuck' - whether with work, personal projects (losing at something), or anything else - porn was something I always felt 'good at'. There were clear patterns that emerged for me, which made it a good starting place to drill into 'why'

after being curious, ask for space temporarily. It helps to close your eyes and use your mind to envision what the 'porn requester' is - it could be a person, a thing, something of relevance to you - and ask it for a bit of space. You're not saying never, and you don't need to commit to never right now - just ask for a little space for right now. For me, I have a vivid memory of the first time I looked at porn. I would frequently 'talk' to that younger version of me, and tell him that it was okay, but that we were going to take a break. It sounds weird, but it works.

remove temptation as much as you can. There are some practical parts here and more tactical items: put parental controls on everything you can, ask someone to lock you out (and put on a password). Remove access as much as you can to make it easier on yourself. If you get close to a slip up, but can't easily access porn, you'll have a much better success rate. It's like eating healthy: get rid of all the junk food in your house.

personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Socrates said "the unexamined life is not worth living" - simply by looking at yourself, and wondering if this habit of porn is good for you (and in this case, good for me), is a massive first step. It won't always be up, and it won't always be easy, but choosing to be better is the first and most important step.

Finally, and one of the things that hit me the hardest, is to remember that you are valuable. Not because of what you can do, not because of what you have accomplished, not because of any reason except for that you are you - and you are a valuable person. Never forget that, and never stop working on yourself. You are a valuable person, and you deserve the best in life. I hope this post is helpful, and I'm happy to answer any questions if anyone has any.