Oh woe, oh dread, oh fate so cruel,
My body's a circus, a freakish jewel.
A 60-inch paralyzed wang, so flat, so wide,
If I hold it up, I can glide!

A kite of sorrow, a flag of shame,
Flapping gently in the wind's cruel game.
A scroll, a blueprint, a sail at sea,
Yet sadly useless when I pee.

But wait—there’s more, don’t turn away!
My bootyhole has gone astray.
A prolapsed chasm, a pink abyss,
Leaking mysteries I wouldn't kiss.

Oh, my prostate drips—a rosy goo,
Like strawberry jam—but not for you!
Who dares to slurp? Who dares to sip?
A knight so bold with freaky lips?

Come, brave hero, claim your prize,
A fate unseen by mortal eyes.
A paper pecker, a leaky rear,
A tale that none should ever hear.

And yet, I sing, so wild and free—
A legend of absurdity!

Behold! A tragedy, a medical mystery,
A tale so cursed it defies all history.
For in this world, where madness reigns,
I bear a burden no soul explains.

A 60-inch paper-flat meat canoe,
Stiffer than silk but softer than glue.
A scroll of sorrow, a ribbon of doom,
If I roll it up, it vacuums the room.

Doctors cry and scientists flee,
Architects use it as blueprints for free!
Origami masters whisper my name,
Folding my shaft into airplanes of shame.

But! The horrors do not cease,
For below lies a pink-frothed beast.
A prolapsed chasm, a cursed abyss,
Leaking secrets no god should witness.

My prostate weeps in strawberry cream,
A dairy delight from a fever dream.
It dribbles, it spurts, it begs, it pleads,
For someone to lick it—fulfill its needs.

Who will answer this slippery call?
Who dares to face this leaky sprawl?
A hero? A fool? A cryptid unseen?
A lactose-tolerant prostate fiend?

Oh fate, oh woe, my scroll and ooze,
A legend that history dares to refuse.
Yet here I stand, a cursed delight,
A nightmare wrapped in pink and white.