Mah name is Ogutu M'beke.
I am 23 years of age, in da glorius Austria
But bufor, I was a child solida, born in Gamboma Congo.
After fighting many wars for my war chief: Mufasa Fasagan M'dikk.
(Translates to He who conqueres Anus)
I escpaed during a standad night time rayp.
One of my specialtis as a memba of the elit trouser snek child army.
...I realized I could not liv like thiz.

At da tenda 14 years of age my only work expirience was kidnapping and dudefedende.
(Translates to Advanced Afriken Groping)
I ran to a nearby vilag and traded my riful for food and wata, the farma then traded wit me then mugged me at gan point forcing me to giv ap my food and wata, in exchange for my riful.

Discouraged I went to anotha vilage...
ONLY TO FIND DEVASTATION, as the village has been viktim of a recent raype storm swippin the region.
After foraging through the trashcan I found serverl lumps of coal and lemons...
I combind these togetha to make an Nvidia (tm) graphics card.

Just then a man dying from the raypenado pulled my leg and said:
"BROTHA! THE ONLY WAE OUT OF HEA IS TO BECOME A GAMIN SUPA STAR, I TELL YOU IS TRUE, MY FREND MADE A 5 WHOLE US DOLLAS"

...5 US dollas I thought to myself, well that is teh equivelant to 5 billion Zimbanwen rupees.

"BROTHA!" the man said to me again "TAK MY ALIENWERE (tm) GAMEING RIG, IT HAS ONLY GIVEN MAH FAMILY RUIN, GO AND BECOM A FAMUS STEAMER!"
with his last words the man finaly succumbed to bullet poisoning.

Since then, I have changed my voice to sound more Australian to appeal to the white devils.

In truth I don't even know what a video game is and yet, here I am.