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It's only natural to be a little curious about Yoda's penis. I've certainly asked myself all the usual questions: How long is it when flaccid? How long erect? Is it circumcised? Is it shaped like a human penis? Is it the same shade of green as the rest of him? Is it wrinkled? Veiny? Freckled? How much pubic hair does Yoda have? Is the hair curly or wispy? Is there enough hair to hide the testicles? And how large are the testicles? And how pendulous?
But noooo. You've never, ever had such thoughts. That's simply not the way your oh-so-pure mind operates
The day Episode II opened, you were, no doubt, one of the millions of Americans giddy with anticipation. If you're anything like me, you were most excited for the space battles, the plot revelations regarding the Clone Wars, and other matters unrelated to Yoda's penis. But why don't you just admit it: A tiny little part of your excitement stemmed from the thought that maybe, just maybe, Jedi Master Yoda's clothes would come off. It's okay—I promise I wouldn't think any less of you. We all have these kinds of taboo thoughts from time to time. It's only natural.