If an offer doesn't rhyme,
Its instantly declined
And if you dare to add me on Steam
On my friends list you won't be seen
Make sure you're in time, don't come a cropper
Or if you're too asinine, then send a trade offer
Now enough about all of that
Let us hear about these nice hats

The (Bat)tle Boar just makes you want more
And with a terror-watt rack like a mad bat on crack
A scorched western wear causes people to stare
And a cloud 9 pen pusher makes the heart go a-flutter
A phosphorous Slug makes the owner feel smug
An energy Fro makes a deeper love grow
And green private eye's make for many jealous spies

I'm not a big fan-a-ma of the Professional's Panama
Nor flashing the cash with a retired soldiers stash
Never been bowled over by the modest piled bowler
Nor looked like a ♥♥♥♥ with a pillar of hats
Don't be a zero and wear an Allbrero
Don't play the hoovy, its just not so groovy
Don't think you're urban when sporting a turban
Don't get in a flap about the baseball cap
And I've never been a Ten Gallon kind of chap

Don't mess up your hair with a merde hat, mon frère
Spare a thought for your head and make it look dapper.
Make a good call and don't be a flapper
Choose the right hat
And don't be a prat
The pixels dictate
A virtual fate