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74 of 89 (83%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 3:00pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 3:07pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:37pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:59pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 3:10pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 25 Aug, 2016 @ 1:20pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 4:31pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 9:48am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 2:31pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 23 Apr, 2015 @ 1:15pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 23 Apr, 2015 @ 2:53pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 24 Apr, 2015 @ 6:39am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 24 Apr, 2015 @ 9:44am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 29 Oct, 2014 @ 2:05pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 4:12pm

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 9:24am

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 2:21pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 11:12am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 3 Nov, 2014 @ 5:10am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 2:25pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 11:29am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 3:58pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 9:16am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 10:01am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2014 @ 11:16am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 3:12pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2014 @ 11:17am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 9:16am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 3 Nov, 2014 @ 5:05am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 12:31pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 3 Nov, 2014 @ 5:20am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 20 Apr, 2015 @ 4:44pm

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked 24 Apr, 2015 @ 9:46am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 4:02pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:37pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 2:58pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:28pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2014 @ 11:42am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 8:52am

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 12:40pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 3:01pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 23 Apr, 2015 @ 1:16pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:48pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 4:33pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:36pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:23pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 3:04pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:32pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 4:34pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 12:17pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 3:02pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 25 Apr, 2023 @ 12:24pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 3 Nov, 2014 @ 5:40am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 2:31pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 3:24pm

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 23 Apr, 2015 @ 2:16pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 10:15am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 9:51am

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2014 @ 5:04pm

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2014 @ 2:37pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 24 Apr, 2015 @ 9:46am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 8:35am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 5:42pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 9:17am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 20 Apr, 2015 @ 10:11am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 20 Apr, 2015 @ 5:57pm

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 7:02am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 7:24am

Ode to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.
Unlocked 20 Apr, 2015 @ 7:30am

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 9:15am

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 20 Apr, 2015 @ 11:30am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 11:56am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 18 Apr, 2015 @ 5:19pm

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 20 Apr, 2015 @ 8:53am



Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
4 / 30
+5

5 hidden achievements remaining

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